#braaaaains

[ceescedasticity]

I may be around a bit less because apparently — despite everything I've filtered! — browsing tumblr still noticeably increases my anxiety.

[alwaystuesday]

Oh no I overran my quota of executive function this week. Cant. brain. More.

[ceescedasticity]

I couldn't really pick which I hate most between cigarette, cigar, vaping, and pot smoke, but pot definitely has the worst record when it comes to triggering migraines.

[assumptionprime]

Happy Octoberween Zombin. How you doin?

brains brains braaaaaains brains

[ceescedasticity]

hmmmmm

So something just occurred to me--

My mom tends to respond to being told about a problem by trying to suggest a solution. This has its good points and bad points and I've known this for a while. She will usually refrain from doing so if asked to, but it's just... something you have to deal with. She doesn't expect anyone else to do the same.

But what just occurred to me is that seeing this as an example all my life may be part of why I'm so uncomfortable being told about people's problems -- why I have a silent, reflexive response of 'and what do you want me to do about it?' Why 'that sucks' or 'that sounds terrible' sound so hollow and useless to me even as I repeat them. It's true, but they already know it's true, so what good does it do.

[ceescedasticity]

I'm inclined to describe anything that attempts to influence my behavior by affecting my emotions as emotional manipulation, but I'm not sure that's the definition most people would use? I'm not sure it's fair?

Like, the minute it tips over from "this thing happened, here is why it is worthy of outrage" into "be OUTRAGED!" for me it's shields up, defenses engaged, everything they say receives additional scrutiny.

When it relates to people trying to influence my behavior, tugging on my heartstrings sets off an alarm.

Maybe it's because I see my emotions as a vulnerable point, so anything trying to influence me via my emotions is perceived as fighting dirty? I don't know.

[ceescedasticity]

ok this is sort of funny

Just to be clear to start with, I am not ACTUALLY having difficulty breathing. I’m breathing fine. It just off and on sort of... feels that way. Ish. Feels like something’s wrong.

I’ve been assuming it’s an anxiety spike thing? My brain freaking out and deciding to alert me to the freakout by kicking the breathing alarm.

Buuuuut I’ve also recently started PT and among other things they’re working on some “rib dysfunction” which DOES have to do with how my ribs move when I breathe so maybe... it’s that? My body can tell something is funny around the ribcage and has decided to alert me by kicking the breathing alarm?

So for the past week or so I’ve been wondering “why am I so anxious? sure there’s lots of cumulative stress but I’m not even conscious of anything why am I feeling it???” when maybe it’s not that at all.

[ceescedasticity]

I saw a post about ADHD boredom vs. regular boredom, and I thought I might add: when I was a kid/teenager, I interpreted my anhedonia as boredom. (I wasn't enjoying anything, so I was bored of it, right? If you've never heard of anhedonia and don't have a depression diagnosis it seems clear enough.)