#brain blogging

[nikiiwi]

i don't know how to tell bylers that they weren't really queerbaited by the show. because platonic male friendships deserve to be intimate and soft. you were baited by...each other. by buying in 100% to fandom speculation that relies on symbolism and tropes and soundtrack hints.

and it doesn't mean anyone was wrong about what should have happened. but the duffers have never been subtle about what they're doing in this story. not once. byler was never going to be the exception.

[shoutsindwarvish]

brain: feel shame and guilt!!!

me: but i didn’t do anything wrong???

brain: SHAME

brain: AND

brain: GUILT

[screametc]

displayed evidence of mental illness in the youtube watch history

[elliebear75]

Day 1 - December Blog a Day

1. Endings

There always seems to be a definitive line cut through time when something ends.  It may feel, later on, like there was the lead up, the ending itself, and then the aftermath, but really, it all tends to hinge on one particular moment that your brain just knows everything is done.

There seems to be a lack of fanfare for these epiphanies, mainly because the fallout seems to overshadow much of the actual end.  Whether it’s the death of a relationship or the death of a loved one, that pivotal jolt in our synapses almost seems inconsequential and is often forgotten when one looks back.  But there is always that precise second when you know that everything is about to change, for better or worse.

[sassymulder]

I was reading the dsm and turns out I actually don’t fit the criteria for bpd as well as I thought but totally fit the criteria for a different pd I didn’t think I did so like, okay then

in other news I either had a mild manic episode or an intense hypomanic episode, hopefully the psych next friday can offer some clarity there but he might switch my meds if he decides it was mania and tbh I’m not super into that rn so idk, wish it was still happening though because even though I felt chaotic it was better than the crash I’m feeling now

also my psychosis-ish stuff is unclear and hasn’t been taken seriously so far but he seems better than the other two psychs I’ve seen so maybe he can help me understand that too because it seems potentially relevant to mood episodes

anyway. yeah.

[devoutjunk]

that feel when u can’t tell if you are Sad For No Reason bc of the natural chemical imbalances in your dysfunctional brain or bc they won’t refill your antidepressants and you are withdrawing from your Store Bought Serotonin but either way you feel like any thought or emotion you have is inherently fake and inauthentic

[floralqueer]

Cw: drug use, medication, ADHD

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ADHD medication is cool, but also it’s literally methylphenidate, and it’s weird that I have access to that. it’s really easy to see how people get addicted to it. It’s rarely seen as an addiction when you have a prescription for it because it’s “medically necessary,” even if you display classic symptoms of an addiction (which I don’t atm dw)

Idk I’m just hyper focused on medication rn, and confused. I’m grateful to have this because I don’t know if I’d be able to get through university without it, but I don’t know if it’s actually healthy.

Like if you read this I guess.

[kokonutwata]

literally when i don’t have friends around i just drift aimlessly from interest to interest, never finishing any show or series

bc... without the aid of someone else’s interest, i find it hard to watch new shows and finish them? idk if that makes sense, but it kinda feels like something to do with my bpd bc i start to feel like it’s not worth watching or being interested in new things bc i don’t have someone to share them with