Apr 23, 2025
TMS moodboard
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Singapore
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Egypt
seen from United States
seen from El Salvador
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
TMS moodboard
I have now had eight TMS appointments, two of which were followed by anguished, weeping mood swings
I would grit my teeth through a thousand more so long as this treatment works ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
yesterday I had my twenty-eighth TMS appointment out of a planned total thirty-four
today after work I went for a walk interspersed with jogging and just a little bit of sprinting AND I LIKED IT!!! IT FELT GOOD!!! I COULD HAVE KEPT GOING!!!
On Thursday I had my eighteenth TMS appointment. On Friday night I had an explosive crying fit while watching Steven Universe Future with my wife. When I woke up on Saturday morning, I felt strange in a way that I just couldn't put my finger on. It took me a couple hours to realize I felt better. Not better than usual: better. As in, not depressed at all. Like I finally took off a heavy, soaking wet coat that I'd been wearing for so long I couldn't even remember putting it on.
Of course this might not last. I might wake up tomorrow feeling gray and grimy again. It might last a while and then fade. The important thing is that it's happening now. I never believed the treatment would be so effective. I never, ever thought I would feel this good again.
eleven TMS brain blasts over three weeks and they have *just now* informed me that cannabis can interfere with its effectiveness. I told them from the jump that I take edibles sometimes. NOW they tell me. had to lie down for three hours when I got home because this ruined my day
**EDIT** Everything's fine LOL. I asked the main doctor about it and he basically said "depends on who you ask" so we're golden.
two weeks of magnetic pulses fired into my prefrontal cortex and I’m starting to consider that maybe having dirty greasy hair from not showering is NOT a moral failing. For Me. maybe it’s actually morally neutral to have dirty hair? it’s not a sin for other people so maybe it’s not a sin for me either. it’s like my brain is shedding desiccated segments of a hereditary protestant tapeworm. I should inform you, gentle reader, that I am a little crossfaded. I may not feel the same about this simile tomorrow.
today I had my first session of TMS (magnetic pulses on the prefrontal cortex to treat Big Depression)
I'm not the praying type, but if anyone felt like praying that this works and finally pulls me out of the pit I've been climbing out of for a decade, I wouldn't stop you