Nov 9, 2016
no longer watching the election bc i got yelled at for eating pizza and had a breakdown this is about the shape of things nowadays
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Portugal
seen from Portugal
seen from Portugal
seen from Portugal
seen from Portugal
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seen from Netherlands
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seen from Germany
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seen from Israel
seen from China
no longer watching the election bc i got yelled at for eating pizza and had a breakdown this is about the shape of things nowadays
being told "never change" is so radical and affirming to me personally bc i have been constantly told my whole life that i need to change to be acceptable but this isnt everyone... esp people who are told that they shouldnt or cant change themselves
being told that i smell and i need to take a shower makes me feel like an animal, even if it is true
being told that i smell and i need to take a shower 4-5 times withing the same conversation (and then the same again in the next conversation) makes me feel like an animal who is too stupid to understand a command and needs to be given it again and again in order to obey
there's sanity meters sometimes but they arent the best, they usually have more to do with how many terrifying monsters youve encountered/how long youve spent in total darkness/youve gone without food or encountered other physical stresses. there's not like a ptsd or recovery or anything
its like drug use in games, you get a trippy visual effect /impaired function but i dont think ive ever played a game that dealt with addiction to drugs???? maybe a few (like i think glitch had cocaine or something you could get addicted to, or did i imagine that??? i dont think i ever tried it)
Something that resonates with me is fans saying to lpers and youtubers "i am very depressed/bullied/lonely and your videos have gotten me through some hard times"
I want to tell them this for myself, and i want to make them understand that they don't deserve it.
my mom used to ask "why?" when id tell her i was depressed and it was literally the worst thing. i eventually got her to stop tho.
i just read something that i knew was gonna trigger me and i just kept reading it the whole time thinking "this is gonna trigger me, this is gonna trigger me, this is really triggering, i should stop reading this"
what is wrong with my brain
dissociating from reality real hard right now jesus christ