#brainfox

[temerairekin-moved]

the good part about having a cat, is that if you see shadows moving, its probably just a cat!! you dont need to worry about it. but what happens when you see a shadow moving when you know theres no cat in the room? well, those bastards run really fast, it was probably still them, even though you know theyre fast asleep in the other side of the house b

[temerairekin-moved]

i jjust want to know what happened after i stopped making sense. with the random posts n stuff.. why did i post that stuff i dont even remember my thought process!! it doesn't make any sense to me. i know i was still fronting but i dont know what happened, i kept using "we" instead of "i" in my head but it was only me. what does "they died" even mean.. i just kinda want stuff to make sense and its not, actually, making much sense at all in my humble opinion

[temerairekin-moved]

indigo wouldnt hesitate.. no, he would. damn. do you ever find yourself unable to complete a task and going like "which alter would do it because i sure won't"

[temerairekin-moved]

working through brain things out loud u dont have to read i just wanted to type out my thought process so i can understand it better. sorry if youre on mobile oops

ok so vari, scout, and indigo, three of us. as far as we know at least. but indigo has two sides, or facets i guess, so that makes 4? 3 and a half? no only 3 because it would be 1+1+0.5+0.5. ok anyway. the facets are 1. worried, childlike, essentially as if hes a cornered small animal, constantly questioning and 2. scary powerful godwolfbeast that hardly ever actually fronts (thankfully) but who i can still talk to. like inside my head i guess. i think thats probably why its so hard to figure out indigo’s voice, because you’ve got the two sides.. doing their thing. ok ok so vari, scout, indigo x 2, and gods i feel like theres someone else. i keep feeling something else. like whenever i’m talking to myself sometimes i realize that i’m not really talking to myself, its not me responding on the other side. which is scary when i dont actually know whats happening.. ok so who. possibilities, any character i’ve made up. wyren, no, crystal, no, shawna, probably not.. wyren. i dont know i think it might be them.. but i dont know because they’ve never fronted they’ve just.. been here i don’t know. like i created wyren probably.. three years ago and he has a huge story in my mindspace but i don’t know if they’ve “upgraded” to an alter/facet just because i’ve been thinking about them so much. i dont know i feel like they could be. or just a character i made up, i dont know.. tgis stuff is so confusing because like, other people, i can look at but when i’m examining myself i dont knoe if i’m tricking myself or lying or hiding anything or not. brain stuff is confusing but i guess it helps that i'm the only one "awake" so i can work through this without anyone talking to me. this country song stuck in my head is really pissing me off though i dont even remember it starting

[temerairekin-moved]

like i'm deliberately posting for attention like always, and i almost want to talk to someone but the thought of actually talking to someone is really.. not.. great.. so i want someone to talk to me but as soon as someone talks to me i'll be annoyed and uncomfortable, wow this is a great thing i've got going on

[temerairekin-moved]

did a project today with friends and m friend said “yeah you really suck at texting. last night you took like 20 minutes between responses” and i didn’t want to say it obviously but i was disassociating so bad last nightand i completely forgot i was even having the conversation once i put the phone down. like.. i know it’s not really an excuse but.. i honestly did want to talk to him but i. didn’t know what was happening sorry >:/

[temerairekin-moved]

you know like when ur on a rollercoaster and it drops and theres a pit in your stomach, right.... well it was like that except not unpleasant and all over my body and everything felt.. no, looked, even though i couldnt really see it of course, my body was silver and starry. was it? i forget.. maybe it wasnt. i only saw it in my head and im kinda forgetting what happened really fast

[temerairekin-moved]

i was just in one of those moods, that thing where like everything is new and worthy of exclamation and it's literally like.. "oh my god!! that is such a nice sweater i know you wear that all the time but like oh my god what a nice sweater" and but when you're talking you're reaally quiet and your voice is soft like this.. but you're still excited and everything is really bright and loud (which is annoying) and you're kinda talking to yourself a little and mumblin and exaggerating but you're really funny so it's ok.. anyway