Review #2 BRATWURM - The Meat Serpent
Mortasheen review number two here we go! Now THIS guy is hard to forget, while not really mascoty it’s certainly a design that will stick in the recesses of your mind for eternity. Though most hot dog based monsters are normally pretty iconic...
“Engineered by Abscessed Enterprises Dietary Supplementation Compounds, the Bratwurm was designed to yield high volumes of meat in proportion to its diet, growing by at least a segment per day on even a minimal intake of household waste.” A surprising success if the description’s lack of dire consequences besides being terrible to eat raw is anything to go by. Though you gotta ask why the huge teeth? Maybe they just started growing them due to interbreeding between battle and food stock being inevitable in the anarchic wastes of mortasheen, or maybe sharp teeth let it eat things like wood blocks, concrete, plastic with little bits of food on them, and other Cronchy things. Also it gives off a kind of fishy vibe with those gill like slits. Another thing I wonder about is if you selectively cut off a middle part, would it grow into a new Bratwurm or would it simply be devoid of consciousness, could you make it’s butt into a face? These are questions that need answers Mr.Bogathan Leech!
Now the design in question, it’s good. It’s really solid, it meshes together really well and makes a design that really sticks. The wobbly handfeet, the gaping fish eye, the delightfully discolored warts/boils, while I mentioned them earlier the teeth are very well defined, and the butt tops off this charming design. The one thing I will say about this that nears on criticism is that I think the little kinda... dangler thingy on the top of the head, would have looked better as a kind of droopy nose, and would have even beckoned to the medieval droopy dog dragons of old, as semi-implied by the “wurm” part of the name, although it could just mean worm. Maybe I am reading too much into this hot dog homunculi but surely the Big Bogman intended essays written on the subject of Bratwurm’s well crafted buttocks.
So! Rating Time! I rate this meat rope a... (Sound of meat being furiously slapped)
5 out of 5
Now you might be asking if I think this is a perfect design, that this hotdog monster is the pinnacle of art and no other design will ever top it, while you would be right in some cases, what a five out of five on THIS blog means is that I think the design is very very good, that little could be done to improve it, and that PERSONALLY I think it is a very good monster. See otherwise I could not in good conscience give ANY of them a five out of five and that’d just be boring.
...Also does it get around by slithering like a snake, or scampering around like a very long wiener dog?
