#brave face

[zoemillinwrites]

just started re-reading brave face for the 4th time😆 life is good🥹🙏

🥹🥹🥹i hope you enjoy your re-read! thank you!!! ily!!

[zoemillinwrites]

what if i reread brave face hm? what then? what would happen? (i’m scared) (sorry if you don’t wanna talk about brave face) how are ya?

NAUUUUR i love talking about BF! i find it very motivating, ty! hmmm if you read it again i'd feel honored, i tell you, honored!!

i'm doing okay!! a little more stable. still legally married since he S T I L L is not signing the separation papers but i'm trying not to let it get under my skin much. i'm finding BF hard to write because i've discovered that, upon reflection, i was unconsciously projecting a lot of my relationship problems with husband onto it and using it as an outlet for that (hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) and so the dynamic between remus and sirius is a bit of a sore spot for me atm but we persevere. i'm going to my BFF's wedding next week and i couldn't be more excited for that event ANDDD i have noah khan tickets for july which i'm stoked about and i'm kinda okay with where i am & it feels okay to feel okay, ya feel me? ty for asking!

[zoemillinwrites]

I read inside dogs!!! It was probably my fav fic of all time😅. The southern gothic vibe was amazing and I loved that it was from sirius’ pov. I think regulus’ perspective, with his envy and jealousy, is easier to understand. But I could never quite tell what exactly pushed Sirius to do the things he did (his mother hits him so he goes to the little brother who hero-worships him.. its simple really.) And the underlying guilt was perfect, as was regulus’ attempt and their conversation in the hospital. I keep wondering what Walburga thought when she walked in on them .

I read all your works upside down I think. I found inside dogs when you posted it on anonymous, then when I went to read it again I saw your name and clicked on your other works.. I read sheer blu and then brave face. Both amazing. Is brave face meant to be starcest? on regulus’ side, its hinted quite heavily. but maybe thats just.. them being them.

hi anon!! thank you!! I'm so glad you've been enjoying my fics!! I'll be so honest, when I saw this ask I was reminded with visceral full body chills remembering the few weeks where a bunch of anons lost their shit at me for saying, no, there's NO blackcest in brave face, but if you care to read regs chapters THROUGH THAT LENSE, you could make an argument that some of his behavior speaks to more complicated feelings than just obsession. I, as the author, want certain ambiguity in my writing, I want layers, I want things left to interpretation because I strongly believe in the death of the author and because I myself don't know everything about my Reg and Reg doesn't know everything about himself and he's a totally unreliable narrator anyhow. I want BF available to be ready through different lenses because real people are more complex than tropes, pairings, one-note emotions etc. I got burned at the sake and shot at for those posts (if ur still pressed u can honestly suck my ass. touch grass. get a job, unfollow, truly limitless options here).

But, the anons who like to party left me a lot of cool asks about their interpretations of Reg's attachment to Sirius in BF, one of which you can read here.

[zoemillinwrites]

I absolutely despise insincere proclamations of love. In fact, I look down upon them and the people who utter them every day. How can you even claim to love someone when you don’t even know them? Numerous people are under the silly impression that they know their entourage, but they don’t. To know someone requires Herculean effort, an arduous task that few people are interested in embarking on, and therefore have no right to claim to know love.  However, after dedicating my entire week to finishing Brave Face, I have fallen in love with you. Your writing revealed your soul perfectly. It was familiar, human, captivating, layered, complex. I am brave (aha!) enough to proclaim my love for you because you have made me feel emotions I had long ignored. I feel like I know you now, if only for the sheer intimacy of your writing. 

I’ve scarcely felt that way regarding any work. The story itself is genius. The allegory for rape? Genius. The characterization? One of the most human depictions of characters I have ever had the privilege to read. And I read a lot! Themes of the utmost importance have been transmitted to me, new perspectives have been made possible. I am in shock. Absolute shock. I urge you to keep writing, because I am determined to read any work you publish. It is my duty, a form of thanks for the epiphany that took place soon after the last chapter you uploaded. I am compelled to talk and defend this story forever, to sit around waiting for another chapter, like a starving man waiting for sustenance, nothing else will satisfy him in the meantime! I love you. I love you. I love you. Thank you (siriusly.) xx

oh wow, thank you very much! i've read this through a few times now and am not sure what to say, really. i think i get a lot of imposter syndrome when i get messages like this because i find myself and my writing frustratingly limited and lacking. still, i have always made an effort to be transparent in my writing, and have used BF as a rather ugly outlet for all my ugly accoutrements: childhood stuff and anger stuff and family stuff and feeling explicitly, intrinsically outcast, and digesting social class politics as a child in a rigid system I didn't ask to be in, etc etc. i will never cease to be surprised and awed to hear that someone out there connects with BF because i wrote it as an angst dump, and posted it with a very "fuck it we ball nobody will notice this because the fandom is so crowded with hogwarts fics that im safe to post this bs" mentality.

it's shocking that a semi-large number of people have actually read it. and, most importantly to me, it's deeply flattering to hear that it connects with people, with you. personally, that means a lot to me. i started posting BF because i was very lonely, and became less so because ot it. so, thank you!

[zoemillinwrites]

can you pls pls post ur ‘unpopular’ marauders headcanons (that the i wont hate post reblog was directed at) you can delete it in an hour or something but im so curious 🙏🙏

also happy pride!!!

haha I'm sorry to be boring but I didn't reblog that with a specific post in mind. I reblogged that as a general eye roll towards some general attitudes in fandom.

I honestly think most of my "unpopular" head canons actually are written into Brave Face. Some examples of which might be:

- Walburga is a complex character and is just as much a victim of Black family power structures as Sirius

- Sirius is mean. He's quite a capable bully and sometimes enjoys being mean for the laugh

- Remus' "bite" has the potential to represent a parallel to CSA

- Reg is not a cinnamon roll. He is a fascist who believes in Voldemort's cause lol

- Barty Crouch is blond and nothing more than a father wound in a trenchcoat

- Reg has a weird hero worship thing for Sirius that's just a touch sus if u care to view it through that prism

[papercrane29]

In honor of @zoemillinwrites posting about writing 393 ✨new✨ words for Brave Face, here is my progress on Sirius with his is apple from Chapter 29! 😁 I adore this author and this fic so much! Zoe please never feel pressured to write anything! It should bring you joy first! But can I just say I peed my pants a little at the thought of an update?

🥳🫦🧚🪄🫀👀😭♥️

My Sirius reference is Miles McMillan, when he had long hair. He somehow captures both elegance and chaos, which is very Sirius to me. :)

[zoemillinwrites]

hi ! hope you're doing okay, and that the pathetic weirdo husband is slowly but surely getting the hint and making steady progress on his journey toward understanding the sentence « please leave me alone » (the PayPal contact thing is genuinely insane lol)

i also hope barista life is treating you kindly, i'm glad you've got some lovely customers at least 💛

on a completely different note : maybe you've answered this before but I was wondering, do you have any favorite BF chapters ? ones you're particularly proud of or ones you just had an unreasonable amount of fun writing ?

hi hi hiiiii!!! omg it's so nice to hear from you!! is it weird that i've missed seeing you pop up in my inbox/mentions?!😊 hope you're doing so well and that the summer is gearing up to be a good one for you!

sighhhh. idk what husband is doing with his life, truly. it makes me sad a lot that i don't know.......because, like, that's literally my husband who i did love more than anyone else. so why do i not know what he did today? but. i'm also trying to be more like  ✨ thank goodness i don't know what he did today✨ 

everyone in my life is treating me so kindly & i really really love the barista work, even more than my degree-aligned "career" job. i'm an extrovert and chatterbox so public-facing stuff is kinda my jam and my coworkers are all so cool. i am very lucky! ty for asking <3

butttt! speaking to the Brave Face of it all, the chapter that instantly jumped to mind as my favourite chapter to write is actually Greyback (the Remus POV chapter where Remus runs out on Sirius the first time they attempt to do anything sexual). In that chapter Remus has a really honest think-tank session about his reaction to sex/his reaction to how Sirius handled "concent talk" (for lack of a better word). I'm really proud of the way I handled Remus' first reaction to sexual engagement--I think I did a good job/realistic job. It was a very cathartic writing experience too. I got to put a lot of my own feelings onto paper with that chapter AND THEN people in the comments actually rallied around what I wrote and said they too have had similar feelings/reactions/experiences, but have never, or don't often, see that represented. It was super validating to hear on so many levels, and I was so moved to hear that my writing could also move someone in that way too. <3

[zoemillinwrites]

the cure by olivia rodrigo is so bf sirius coded

“toxins in my bloodstream” and it’s the Black family/his internalised homophobia

I put off answering this because I hadn't listened to the song yet and wouldn't have known what I was talking about, but now I know!!! And you are so right dear!!