PROFESSOR: *Johnny, define a machine.”
JOHNNY: “A machine is anything that reduces human effort. [...] Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine. It's a warm day, press a button, get a blast of air - the fan... A machine! Speak to a friend miles away. The telephone... A machine! Compute millions in seconds. The calculator... A machine! We're surrounded by machines. From a pen's nib to a pants' zip - all machines.” (Mimes zipping and unzipping pants) “Up and down in a second. Up, down, up, down…”
(Students laugh)
Professor: (Throws chalk nib at JOHNNY’s head) “What is the definition?”
JOHNNY: “...I-I just gave it to you, sir.”
PROFESSOR: “You’ll write this in the exam?” (Mimes zipping and unzipping pants) “Up, down, up, down, up down. Idiot! Anyone else? Yes?”
JACK: “Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected that their relative motions are constrained, and by which means, force and motion may be transmitted and modified as a screw and its nut, or a lever arranged to turn about a fulcrum or a pulley about its pivot, etc., especially a construction is more or less complex consisting of a combination of moving parts, or simple mechanical elements, as wheels, levers, cams etc.”
PROFESSOR: “Wonderful. Perfect. Please sit down. Thank you.”
JOHNNY: “But sir, I said the same thing, just in simple language.”
PROFESSOR: “If you prefer simple language, join an Arts and Commerce college.”
JOHNNY: “But sir, one must get the meaning, too. What’s the point of blindly cramming a textbook definition -”
PROFESSOR: “You think you’re smarter than the book? Write the textbook definition, mister, if you want to pass.”
JOHNNY: “But there are other books - “
PROFESSOR: “Get out!”
JOHNNY: “But sir - why?”
PROFESSOR: “In simple language: out! Idiot.”
(JOHNNY stands and leaves the class of silent students. Halfway out the classroom, he turns around and begins walking back to his seat.)
PROFESSOR: “Why are you back?”
JOHNNY: “I forgot something.”
PROFESSOR: “What?”
JOHNNY: “Instruments that record, analyze, summarize, organize, debate and explain information; that are illustrative, non-illustrative, hard-bound, paperback, jacketed, non jacketed, with foreword, introduction, table of contents, and index; that are intended for the enlightenment, understanding, enrichment, enhancement and education of the human brain through the sensory route of vision… sometimes touch.”
PROFESSOR: “What?”
JOHNNY: “Books, sir. I forgot my books.”
