#breakable heaven

[paintedpatroclus]

“on sokka’s seventeenth, looking at the moon hurt. so, he looked at zuko instead.” - breakable heaven, ch. 10 by @sokkalore

[sokkalore]

Please please please tell me that the final chapter of breakable heaven exists. You wrote that fic so beautifully that I feel I may die if Sokka and Zuko don’t get the happy ending that was in the tags 🥺

i can tell you that it exists :) and is in progress

obviously it’s been in progress for … a hot minute now lol, but the same was true about chapter 10 which took me a Long long time to write.

and i can say with perspective now that chapter 10 needed that much time to become what it was meant to be, past versions of it were Not right, i had self doubt moments where i almost cut massive parts that i now know thanks to y’all’s lovely comments are some of the most loved parts OF that chapter so

all this to say, breakable heaven zukka are always on my mind, i am always working on the chapter whether that’s literally sitting down and having time to write or mulling over Exactly the right way to say what i want to say to give the story the ending it, and all of you, deserves.

i really appreciate everyone who still reads and leaves me lovely, kind comments and i am endlessly grateful for your investment in this story and your patience with my extended writing time. i promise i’ll make it worth it if you stay subscribed and keep an eye on your inbox :’)

[dindjarindiaries]

Breakable Heaven - Chapter 10: Breakable Heaven

summary: The summer comes to an end, forcing you and Din apart—and leaving you to hope the galaxy has a different plan for you.

warnings: mild smut, sexual references, parental trauma, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff

rating: M

word count: 4.541k

previous ⟸ masterlist

chapter 10: breakable heaven

There’s not much left to the summer after your ultimatum is set, and both you and Din try your best not to spend what time you have left mourning something you haven’t yet lost. It proves difficult, though, as you feel the weight of it on your shoulders every time you meet his sweet, brown gaze. There’s a light that hasn’t appeared in the golden flecks of his eyes ever since you came back to the covert that day.

When Din’s training, you spend time with your Mandalorian family. You play with the foundlings and teach them everything you know, hoping that at least one of them will play the role you intended to fulfill within this very covert. You also absorb your time with Zena, who took the news of your fate just as poorly as Din—if not worse.

When Din’s not training, every moment is spent right by his side. There’s nothing else you can do than take advantage of every last second you have together. Each day is spent taking walks and imagining the future after your time in the Imperial Academy, and each night is spent memorizing his lips, his body, and the pure feeling of him wrapped up entirely in you.

One day, you won’t have that anymore; you won’t have him. That day is tomorrow.

You’re already thinking about this as Din’s mouth continues his beautiful exploration of your own, as if he and his tongue are trying to memorize you in the same way you have him. You don’t want to be thinking about your doomsday, though. You want to focus on the perfection that’s him with you, one body, heart, and soul for the last time in a long, long time.

Just not forever. Please, not forever.

“Please.” You say the plea aloud, hoping Din will take it for a cry for pleasure rather than a result of the desperate ache in every inch of your bones for him to never leave you. You wouldn’t be opposed to having as much of him now as he can manage.

“Always.” Din’s response is simple, strained from his own ecstasy and certainly his own emotion, but it carries a weight that goes unsaid. His forehead’s against your own, sweat coating his skin and yours—but it’s better than tears, which have been more and more common these nights. “You will have me always.”

You want to reassure him of the same, to remind him for the umpteenth time that you’ll find him as soon as you’re freed of your service, but you can’t manage the words. The mixture of pure pleasure and vast devastation is so dangerous you can’t speak. Only incoherent strings of panting breaths and gentle cries can escape, so you try to reassure him by raking one hand through his hair and the other over the skin on his back. Maybe the marks will go deep enough to leave him with this reminder of you.

Din’s gentle with the way he holds your jaw, forcing your eyes to meet his own as he searches your gaze. “Use your words, ner kar’ta.” He swallows hard, and you hope it’s from pleasure, but the desperation in his eyes and the slight glaze of unshed tears tells you otherwise as he offers the same plea as you. “Please.”

“Always, Din.” You say his name as reverently as you can manage, never once straying from his gaze so he can sense your severity and deep meaning. “You…” you hiccup on a breath, hoping it’s a pleased gasp rather than a sorrowful sob, “will always have me, too.” You use your grip on his hair to bring his lips back to your own, wanting to taste them like this one last time as you whisper your next words upon them. “Par an ca’nara.” For all time.

That’s when you both break. No longer is sweat the only thing shared between your faces, as tears fall while the love between you rises. The knot within you breaks loose, one of pleasure and one of devastation, shattering you like splintering ice as you tremble from the physical and emotional ramifications of this last high with him. Din’s the very same, though it happens moments later, evidence of a strength you’ll always admire.

The distance won’t matter. This may have been one summer, but that’s all you needed to know what you want your forever to look like. Having to leave him, and the family that comes with him, hurts more than any physical wound ever could.

Din holds you tight as he lays beside you, letting you seek the refuge of his slick neck as you wrap yourself around him. You can’t bear to be even an inch away from him. You want to cling to this moment, to this very feeling, and never let it go. He has to know that.

“I can’t let you go.” The words are nothing short of pitiful as they fall from your swollen lips, your voice muffled by his warm skin. You pull him tighter at the mere idea of leaving.

Din lets you as close to him as you want to be. “Then don’t.” His words are soft, and much more composed than you expect them to be. His lips press a kiss to your head. “Hold onto me no matter how far apart we are.”

You furrow your brow, ashamed by the way the dark hole of defeat is consuming you. “How?”

Din takes a gentle breath, one hand running over your bare back as the other secures your head in place against him. “The stars brought us together for a reason, cyar’ika.” The wisdom you’ve come to adore so much fills his voice as he whispers to you. “No matter where we are in the galaxy, we’ll be looking upon the same stars.” His chin rests upon your head. “Keep them close, and you’ll have me close, too.”

You squeeze your eyes shut and release a breath you didn’t realize you’ve been holding. “Promise?”

Din nods. “Promise.”

You refuse to cry, now, instead breathing in the scent of him and letting it relax you enough to seek some kind of rest in his arms. “I love you.”

Din gives your head another kiss. “I love you, too.” He repeats his promise from before. “Always.”

Somehow, you manage to sleep, and for once since you returned to the covert, it’s not fitful. But it’s not the sleep you’ve been worried about. It’s the morning, and that dawn has now broken.

Din helps you get ready and makes sure you’re fully packed before he takes you to say your last goodbyes. You earn an embrace from everyone: Zena, Paz, the foundlings, and all others you’ve grown close to. Cabur offers one last Keldabe kiss and dries your tears for you, and even the Armorer taps her golden helmet against your forehead.

Din’s grip on your hand is tight as he escorts you out of the covert. Each step towards Scespa’s landing zone feels heavier and heavier, and the silence between you and Din is even heavier somehow. There’s nothing either one of you can say to make this any better. This is the last time you’ll see each other until stars know when.

When you arrive at the landing zone, you see the Imperial shuttle waiting there. Only a few others are preparing to board it, with their family and friends wishing them farewell in a way that makes you sick. You look around for your parents and feel your chest burn with an unprecedented rage as you spot them amongst the others.

But at least there’s a bright light even amidst that darkness.

“Drinna,” you breathe the Twi’lek’s name as you tug Din forward with you. Drinna meets you in the middle, holding you close to her as if you’re her own. In a way, you are, and you don’t fight the tears that soak the fabric of her shirt. “Thank you for coming.”

“I had to, darlin’.” Drinna holds you tighter. “I had to.”

When the two of you finally pull away, she cups your cheek and reveals a bittersweet smile. You muster the courage to offer her a smile of your own. “Thank you for everything, Drinna.”

“You don’t have to thank me, honey.” Drinna kisses your forehead. “Just stay strong in there.” She pulls away and holds both your hands. “Okay?”

You nod, offering her another watery smile. “Okay.”

Drinna pats your cheek and turns her attention to Din. She sets her hands on his shoulders and faces him with severity. “Find ‘em.” She gestures with her head to you, her lekku bouncing on her back as she does so. “You understand? As soon as they’re out, find ‘em.”

Din nods with determination you don’t miss. “Yes, ma’am.”

Drinna returns his nod. “Good.” Drinna gives you one last embrace before she pulls herself away, and you know she’s only turning her back on you to walk away because she won’t be able to leave if she doesn’t do so.

Your gaze slides over to your parents, and you scowl as they try to make an approach. In a subtle move that says enough, Din steps in front of you, as if he’s challenging them to come any closer. They stop, understanding the threat—but not without narrowing their eyes. Din escorts you over to the checkpoint and he stays with you, his hand in yours, even as they gather your information and secure you for transport.

This nightmare is finally becoming real, and all you can do is hold whatever part of Din you can until the last possible second.

At least your parents have left, now. They had waited until you were officially checked in to do so, further proving how little they actually care about you and your future. You scoff to yourself at the thought of it.

“All right, cadets,” the Imperial officer who checked you in announces. “It’s time to board. Say your final goodbyes.”

Your heart drops into your stomach as your blurry eyes focus on your feet. Din’s free hand holds your chin, easing your head up to look at him again. He glances over his shoulder at the Imperial and quickly whisks you into the shadow of a nearby vessel, keeping you concealed from sight as he lowers his voice for only you to hear.

“Listen, cyar’ika.” Din holds your face between his hands, his intense brown gaze searching yours. “You play along as you have to, and as soon as you’re able…” he pauses, releasing your face to reach for a pouch hanging from his belt, “you buy your freedom.”

You furrow your brow, confused as Din sets the pouch into your hands. “What do you mean?”

Din glances down at the hefty pouch. “You take these credits and you buy a ship that’ll get you to the Rebellion.”

You look at him like he’s crazy. “Buy a ship? I…” You consider the weight of the pouch in your hands, your eyes doubling in size as the realization falls upon you. “No, Din.” You shake your head. “I can’t accept this.”

Din closes your fist around the pouch with his hands. “It’s yours.” He nods at you, his brow furrowed in severity.

“Din…” You search his gaze, trying to find the words that are lodged in your throat. “This is for your ship, to see your homeworld.” You bite your lip to keep it from trembling as you study the pouch in your hand. “I can’t take that from you.”

“You’re not taking anything from me.” Din holds your face again, his forehead resting against yours as he nods. “I’m giving this to you, and all I ask in return is that you do me the honor of protecting you one last time by following these instructions.”

You study him, overcome with emotions of sadness, disbelief, and pure affection. “Why can’t I buy a ship and come right back here?”

Din shakes his head. “We both know why.” He runs his fingers over your lips. “Your parents will know you’re here. Even if we try our best to hide you, they’ll find out. This is a small town.”

You take a deep, trembling breath, hanging the pouch on your belt and holding his face just as he does with your own. “Promise you’ll come find me as soon as you can?”

Din smiles, a warm gesture that temporarily relieves every ache in your body as he nods. “I promise.” He brushes his lips over your own. “But don’t let the covert and I hold you back, ner kar’ta.” Those golden flecks appear in his eyes for the first time since you first gave him the devastating news. “You go chase your dream of helping the rebel effort with your remedies.”

You tilt your head, stuck between two feelings at his sweet words. “It’s not a dream if you’re not there.”

Din shakes his head, but his smile remains. “That’s not true.” He kisses your forehead. “Because you, ner cyare, are so much more than just me.” He nods to reassure you further. “You never had a problem with the prospect of my Creed. I’ll never have a problem with you dedicating yourself to this noble cause.”

You don’t know what to say. There really isn’t anything left to say. With these words, Din is proving to you the true depth of his love for you. He’s not letting you go to a fate your parents resigned to you, nor is he letting you retreat into the safety of the life he’s shown you.

Din is encouraging you to follow the life you have always wanted for yourself.

You kiss him, the gesture desperate yet achingly passionate as you taste him one last time. This is home to you, the warmth of his mouth on your own and each movement you make being equally matched with his own. It’s suspended in time, but it’s also not long enough, and you only pull apart when the Imperial calls out your last name in warning.

“I love you, Din.” The words are like a vow as you say them without tearing your gaze from his. “I love you so much. Always.”

“I love you too, cyar’ika.” He runs his knuckles down the side of your face, adding one last kiss to your forehead. “And I’ll say it again the next time I see you.”

Your lips wobble, but you fight the emotion this time. You hold Din’s hands and squeeze them tight, doing the same to your eyes as you force yourself away from him. Each step you take is a large stride, the only kind you can manage to fight the urge to run back into his arms. If all goes well, you’ll sneak off the shuttle on its next planetary stop for recruits, and you’ll use Din’s credits to buy a ship there.

Now, all that’s left to do is focus on the stars and count down the days until you see your beloved again, a man who’s so much more than a simple summer fling.

⋆˚✿˖°☾𖤓⋆˚✿˖°☾𖤓

You smile as you bid your customer farewell. As soon as they’re out of sight, you sit back in the chair behind your booth and let out a quiet grunt at the slight ache in your knees from standing for so long. All that running around the Rebellion’s various bases to help the wounded really took its toll on you.

But you wouldn’t trade that time for anything. Or, perhaps, maybe only one other thing.

You force yourself to acknowledge the ache in your chest that’s been ever-present since the day you left Scespa. It’s only slightly dulled with time, but you know it’ll never fade. There were promises made that day that have yet to be fulfilled, but you feel no ill will. This is a big galaxy, and the secrecy you were sworn to in the Rebellion no doubt made your discovery difficult.

He’s moved on—at least, you hope he has. You gave up on any hope of trying to find another love long ago. Your love of helping others has been enough to fill the void.

This isn’t what’s on your mind, though, as you continue to sit and neaten the booth in front of you. You keep catching sight of the hustle and bustle of the marketplace, the children who laugh with their parents and the parents who can truly enjoy their children being safe and sound.

This planet was occupied by Imperials until the Rebellion effort, now the New Republic, eliminated the Empire’s threat. Now, these families are finally free to be out and about, something you’ve been fighting for ever since the beginning.

You take the ramitrol from the display and put it away. Thankfully, it’s gone untouched. At least this planet is reducing its share of blaster wounds, and that alone is progress you’re happy to see, no matter how much it might hurt your sales.

You set the jar down and widen your eyes as you come face-to-face with a giant brown of brown-black eyes. Pulling yourself away just a bit more, you observe more of the little creature. They’re no taller than your boot, and their green ears are petal-shaped in a way you’ve never seen before. They coo in interest at you, their head tilting as a row of tiny teeth smile at you.

“Hi there, little one,” you greet with a giggle. “Where did you come from?”

The creature babbles and turns around, but when there’s no one there to claim them, they turn back to you with a concerned furrow in their brow.

Your breath is nearly stolen with panic for them. “Are you lost?” You ease yourself onto one knee, gently reaching out for them. They lift their arms to let you pick them up, and you stand as you hold them in your elbow. “Don’t worry, we’ll find them.” You give their head a pat to cheer them up. “I’ll keep you safe.”

“Kid?” You hear a gruff voice from somewhere in the chaos of the busy marketplace, a modulated sound that gets closer and closer. “Where’d you—...”

It stops as the man comes into sight. It’s a Mandalorian, the first you’ve seen since the news of the Great Purge reached the Rebellion’s doorstep. He’s dressed head-to-toe in silver beskar armor, an impressive array of weapons on display and the outline of a mudhorn decorating the pauldron on his right shoulder. You ignore the sudden ache in your chest and muster a smile. “Are they yours?” You lift the little one in your arms.

The Mandalorian doesn’t speak. Instead, he tilts his helmet and takes a few steps forward, his gloved hands curling into gentle fists at his sides. You furrow your brow, slightly concerned by his silence as you resist the urge to take a step backwards. The child’s happiness in your arms, however, keeps you from doing so.

When the Mandalorian speaks again, his voice is so quiet and gentle you nearly miss it. “Cyar’ika?”

Your mouth goes dry as your lips part in disbelief. You give him a once-over, trying to look for something you recognize, but it’s impossible with all his armor on. For a second, you convince yourself you’ve heard him wrong. “Pardon?”

The Mandalorian takes another step closer, lifting his right hand and using his left hand to tug at the fabric that covers his wrist. Your heart stalls in your chest at the dark ink painted on his skin. It’s a wosac flower, the same thing used to make the ramitrol you’ve just set down.

The same thing a Mandalorian once gave you at the marketplace on Scespa.

You blink up at his visor, imagining the sweet gaze that lays underneath. “Din?”

Din nods, his cuirass stalling as his visor evidently takes in the sight of you. You do the same to him. It’s hard to imagine the same Din you once knew underneath all his armor, now somehow even taller and broader than he was all those years ago. At the same time, it makes sense, especially with the gentle way he approaches you.

He lifts a gloved hand as if he’s going to cup your face, but he stops himself, hesitating for a reason you can’t quite conceive of. Knowing you’ve both been waiting for this moment, you let your face fall into his open hand, his touch akin to the first breath taken after a loss of oxygen as you close your eyes and exhale.

“I…” Din starts, his breath hitching before he goes on, “I never stopped looking.”

You open your eyes at that, looking upon him with a ferocity of love you haven’t experienced since Scespa.

“I promise.” Din nods to affirm his words, his other hand now rising to hold your face as well. “It’s just…” he pauses to huff, “your Rebellion was too damn hard to find.”

You laugh, closing your eyes once again in a wave of relief so profound you nearly go weak in the knees. “That means we did our job well.”

There’s a smile in Din’s voice as he responds. “How was it?”

You face him again with a warm smile of your own. “Everything I dreamed of and more.” You free a hand from the child in your elbow to cover one of his hands on your face. “It was only missing one thing.”

Din tilts his helmet, waiting for your answer. Memories you spent years trying to repress flood your mind all at once, from that first wosac flower to his final promise of your reunion.

“You.”

Din’s helmet straightens again, his gloved thumbs running over your cheeks as his beskar comes closer to you. The feeling of the metal against your forehead is new, yet somehow familiar, as if you’ve been preparing for this over all these years. You know you have, even if you tried to convince yourself otherwise. “Well, I’m here now.” Din’s words are soft, crackling through his modulator in a way that proves he’s said them just as much for himself as he has for you. “And there’s something I need to tell you.”

You beam at him. “Yeah?”

Din nods. “Yeah.” He doesn’t hesitate in following through on that promise he made you all those years ago. “I love you.” He frees one hand from you to cross his fist over his cuirass in a dutiful manner. “I always have. It’s never wavered, never changed.” He adds one more nod. “I swear it upon the Ancestors.”

“I know.” Your voice trembles as you reach forward to kiss his beskar cheek. “Because you were always a shit liar.” Din chuckles at that, relief flooding him in the way his tense armored shoulders relax. You wait until he’s fully facing you again to go on. “I love you, too.”

Din takes you close, and you bring yourself even closer, until your body is nearly flush against his armor. The whole planet, the whole galaxy, has faded around you, and neither one of you cares. Din instead continues to cradle your face, his visor inspecting you as if he’s searching for wounds. “Did you look at the stars?”

“Yes.” You answer his question truthfully. “Every night.”

“Me too.” Din’s visor meets your gaze again. “Did it help?”

You nod. “More than you’ll ever know.”

A sudden coo from the corner of your arm draws both your and Din’s attention. The little creature’s ears are raised high on their head as they look between you and Din. The two of you chuckle as you look up at Din with disbelief.

“Is he yours?”

Din nods. “For now.” The way he says the words proves he’s not happy with them. “I’ve been quested by the Armorer to reunite him with the Jedi.”

You widen your eyes at that, at least a hundred questions running through your mind at his words—but only one thought’s able to break through. “I met a Jedi.” You nod to further affirm your words. “I saw him a few times at our bases.”

Din tilts his helmet at that. “Well then, ner kar’ta, I guess you’ll just have to come with us.”

You set a hand on his cuirass and raise your brow. “I was coming anyway.”

Din softens and rests his helmet against your forehead again. “I know.”

“You need to tell me all about your adventures.” You think back on everything from your days on Scespa. “And the covert, and how the Creed’s been treating you.” Your gaze falls to the child in your arms. “And how you found this little guy.”

Din nods. “I’ll tell you everything.” He tilts his helmet at you. “So long as I get to hear about your adventures, too.”

You beam at him. “Of course.” You lower your voice. “So long as we still have time to… make up for all these years.”

Din runs his gloved fingers down your cheek. “All these years later, and you’re still able to say exactly what’s on my mind.” He hesitates, as if he’s just remembered he’s wearing a helmet. “But I’ll have to make you my riduur first.”

You raise your brow. “You say that like I might say no.”

Din draws in a quiet breath. “Well, I just…”

You stop him by going on. “I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, Din. Trust me.” Your hand brushes up to his cowl as you gently take it in your grasp. “I want to marry you.”

Din’s visor studies you once more, as if he’s searching for a lie, before he nods. “All right.” His voice is coated with relief as he sets his visor on the booth you’re no longer interested in running. “Then I’ll help you pack up.”

It’s as if no time’s passed. Watching Din load up your hovercart for you brings you back to that first day you met, when he returned at night to do the very same for you. Every moment feels like sweet nostalgia, even when you exchange your vows and earn the honor of seeing Din’s face for the first time in much too long.

And that’s when you meet those brown eyes again, earning the very same feeling you had the first time you ever saw them. Your heart somersaults in your chest, the moment suspending in time as the same boyish and charming smile you fell in love with so long ago spreads across his lips. Only this time, his brown hair has gotten somewhat longer, his untrimmed jaw and upper lip revealing just how much your adoration of him has somehow gotten stronger with age.

It’s the beginning of your forever, and yet it’s the same beginning as the earliest part of your story—a revival of your shared heaven that is more unbreakable than you could’ve ever dreamt.

previous ⟸ masterlist

[m1smatched-starsigns]

Stuid over a girl, he thinks, scrolling through her photos. She doesn’t usually smile at the camera; it’s more of that signature smirk, the one that drives him crazy in more ways than one.

He lingers on one of her sipping some fancy drink at some fancy restaurant. The sun is setting in the background painting the sky pretty shades of gold and lavender, but his eyes are drawn to her crimson red lipstick. He reads the caption underneath it:

Pick your poison, babe (I'm poison either way).

Leo actually snorts, amused. At least she comes with a warning.

— pick your poison babe (I'm poison either way) (no rules in breakable heaven, c1)

[senditcolton]

breakable heaven

Am I foolish for wanting this? It will end in flames, it always does. Maybe I like the way it feels to burn.

summary: when Juliette Lucas wakes up wrapped in the arms of Adam Lowry - the man that she had pined after for years - she should feel content. but instead, she feels guilty. she didn’t mean for any of this to happen. she never planned on becoming the other woman. but when it feels this good, how could it possibly be wrong? playlist word count: 17.5k warnings: cheating fic, smut (explicit in the beginning, multiple vague references throughout), angst, bittersweet ending written for @wyattjohnston's Summer Fic Exchange. to Celly (@cellythefloshie) with love.

“Jules?”

Juliette Lucas can’t help but stiffen at the sound of the nickname. Not because of any traumatic memory or something of the sort. Unless you count the fact that the only person who ever called her that – her best friend from high school – left almost eight years ago without a word.

The person whose voice she could still hear in her sleep.

The same voice that was calling out to her from across the grocery store right now.

“Hey, Jules!”

She turns, muscles still tight with anticipation over seeing his face again. And there he is, Adam Lowry, jogging up to her from the other end of the breakfast aisle.

And, fuck, he looks hot. He was always attractive, even in high school but damn, the years had definitely been kind to him. Even in his simple joggers, plain navy t-shirt, and baseball cap, Juliette could see the muscle tone of his body. And the shadow cast across his face simply emphasized everything else: his strong jaw, the deep red of his facial hair, the bright blue of his eyes that were sparkling as he ran up to her.

“I look like shit right now.”

That irrational thought is the first clear present statement that echoes through her brain as she takes a quick glance down at her sweatpants and old tank top.

There is little time to worry however, because before Juliette knows it, Adam is front of her and the wind of his momentum ruffles her hair.

“Hey,” he says breathlessly, smiling down at her. “Long time no see.”

“That tends to happen when you move away to a different province,” she replies, trying not to give her words a cutting edge. Although, Juliette can see that she wasn’t entirely successful based on the subtle way Adam’s face falls.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to visit but, y’know, life,” he attempts to explain, his hand reaching back to scratch the back of his neck. Juliette can’t stop the small smile that tugs at the corner of her lips, his nervous ticks the exact same ones he had back in high school.

A lot of things might have changed. But that didn’t mean the person standing in front of her was a stranger. It was Adam. Her Adam.

“It’s alright, I get it,” she replies, her voice softening. “Anyway, you’re here now. What brings you back to Calgary?”

“My dad was finally able to convince me to come up, mostly to see all the finished renovations they made on the lake house. And it looks really good. Although, I almost don’t recognize it which is weird considering all the summers we spent there, growing up.”

“Life moves on around you, whether you like it to or not,” Juliette laughs, knowing the feeling of time passing her by all too well.

“Speaking of life, how have you been Jules?”

“Oh, I’ve been alright. Nothing super new or exciting. Work is work, life is life. Same old, same old I’m afraid.”

“Well, considering the last time I really talked to you was eight years ago at graduation, I highly doubt everything is the same,” Adam teases and Juliette’s eyes roll at his jab.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know.”

There is a small pause as the two of them simply look at each other. It had been years and that time seemed to stretch in between them like and ocean. One too expansive to cross right now, here, in the middle of a grocery store.

“Well,” Juliette says, being the first to break the silence, “I got to finish shopping. Need to get home and get ready a party later tonight.”

“Charleen’s party, right?” Adam asks. The statement sort of catches Juliette off-guard as she fixes Adam a puzzled glance.

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

“She invited me too.”

“You still talk to Charlie?”

“More like my parents still talk to her. She helped them with the renovation.”

“Right, her interior design business,” Juliette nods.

“Yeah, she was visiting today, going over a few last-minute details with my parents when I arrived and she invited me.”

“Cool. Well then, I guess I’ll see you there?”

Adam replies with a small nod which Juliette returns, grabbing her cart. She starts to turn away before Adam’s voice calls out to her again.

“Hey, Jules.”

She turns her head to look back at Adam and the pang in her heart is sharp and sudden as she takes in that smile, the one that shot her back to nights on her parent’s couch, his laugh echoing around the family room at whatever ridiculous movie he convinced her to watch.

“It was really good to see you again.” 

Juliette just returns his smile before turning away, hating the feeling of heat that crawls up her neck. She attempts to smother the thoughts and emotions that had been lying dormant, just long enough to finish her shopping.

After checking the last things off her list, paying, and packing up her Jeep, Juliette starts her drive home. And as the scenery passes her by, the memories come flooding back as fast as the wind.

He was back. Adam was back, after all these years. And his presence had awakened the feelings that Juliette thought she had banished long ago. It was beyond cliché, falling for her high school best friend. But in her defense, she never expected to. There was just one day when she realized that she wanted him as more than just a best friend.

Unfortunately, that realization came too late, arriving right before Adam was about to leave for Winnipeg to start his professional hockey career. She should have told him then, before he was gone. But she didn’t, out of fear of ruining their friendship and losing her best friend to something worse than distance. Something that couldn’t be recovered from.

But… she lost him anyway.

Juliette sighs, snapping herself out of her reverie as she pulls into her apartment complex. Her mind is still filled with static on the elevator ride up and the static remains as she puts her groceries away and starts to get ready for Charleen’s party.

After a quick shower and some makeup, Juliette finds herself standing in front of her closet, flipping through her clothes, attempting to find a suitable outfit for the festivities. It shouldn’t be this hard; it usually isn’t this difficult. But Juliette would be lying if she pretended not to know why she was struggling. It was Adam, once again.

She wanted to look nice. Nicer than just nice. She wanted to look beautiful, gorgeous, eye-catching, stunning. She wanted Adam to see how she had changed. She wanted Adam to want to talk to her.

Or, simply, she wanted Adam to want to want her.

When her hand lands on a dress buried in the depths of her closet, one that she had almost forgotten about and yet was everything she could’ve asked for, she slipped it on over her head.

“This is a shit idea.”

That’s the thought repeating in Juliette’s head as she turns, checking out her reflection in the full-length mirror next to her closet, head spinning with the implications of what she was planning.

“Listen,” Juliette thinks, attempting to assuage the nagging voice in the back of her mind. “It’s just a dress. That’s all. I just want to look good for this party. No other reason.”

That was a blatant lie. This tight red summer dress hugging her frame was for one reason – or more accurately, one person.

After seeing him again, knowing that he was once again back in Calgary, back in her life and she felt just as strongly about him as she did in high school… well, how could anyone pass up the opportunity?

So, yeah, maybe she should wear the sexiest dress she could to the party at Charleen’s lake house. Maybe then her and Adam could stop tiptoeing on this fucking tightrope or at least, she’d know if Adam felt the same way about her that she did.

And, hey, if that didn’t happen and he left for Winnipeg at the end of summer … at least she looks hot.

A sigh escapes Juliette as she gently shakes her head, her mind once again reiterating how stupid of an idea this was. But she is nothing if not committed – even to her most ridiculous ideas. So, with another sigh, she grabs her white denim jacket and car keys and leaves the apartment.

The drive to Charleen’s is quick and even though Juliette isn’t ridiculously late, cars are already lining the street outside. She manages to find a spot off to the side of the house and hops out of her Jeep, her eyes flicking over the other vehicles, wondering which one is Adam’s.

If he’s even here yet.

There’s another quick shake of her head, another silent admonishment about how desperate she was acting, before she walks up to the front door, not bothering to knock, knowing Charlie would have left it unlocked for the guests.

As soon as the door swings open, Juliette is welcomed in with the sound of music being played over speakers and the chatter of other people. She slips into the house, kicking off her shoes by the front door before wandering deeper until she is on the edge of the living room, looking out at the scene of multiple friends and acquaintances, all laughing and drinking.

“Julie!!”

The screech of joy comes from Elsie, who bounces over to Juliette sweeping her into a hug, her own long blonde hair tickling Juliette’s shoulders. Juliette laughs as she is spun around by the sheer force of Elsie’s hug.

“I’m so glad you made it!” Elsie continues shouting, drawing the attention of a few people around them.

“Hi, Elsie,” Juliette giggles into her friends embrace, finally pulling away and meeting her bright gaze. “It’s good to see you too.”

“A drink! You need a drink!” Elsie says, mind going a mile a minute as it always did, grabbing Juliette’s hand and drags her to the adjoining kitchen. “Charlie stocked everything but people have also brought their own drinks so there’s plenty to go around.”

Elsie’s words are confirmed as soon as the two of them enter the kitchen, Juliette’s eyes almost bugging out of her head at the various alcohol cans and bottles lining in the kitchen island.

“There’s also a keg outside.”

“Oh, god, how long until someone does a keg stand?” Juliette playfully grimaces, turning to Elsie who shares her laughter.

“Corey already tried to convince some people to do one but thankfully, we aren’t at that point yet. I think we are trying to keep it somewhat classy.”

“Oh yeah, a bunch of twenty-somethings in a cabin with a ton of alcohol is definitely how we keep it classy.”

“Okay, the important word in that sentence was trying,” Elsie laughs. Juliette just responds with a shake of her head before grabbing a vodka seltzer and following Elsie back into the living room.

For the next hour or so, Juliette spends her time greeting and catching up with old friends as well as being introduced to some people that she didn’t know; mostly new romantic partners but some friends of friends. It seemed as if Charleen managed to cram almost all of their old homeroom into her lake house and everyone invited brought at least two other people with them.

Eventually, Juliette settled down on one of the couches, talking to Elsie’s twin brother Evan. It is in the middle of their conversation with when she hears a commotion. And when she turns her eyes towards the noise, she sees Adam walking into the room, the grin on his face and a six pack of beer in each hand, a bunch of people cheering around him.

She can’t help the roll of her eyes and the shake of her head at his entrance.

“It’s like he’s the next coming of Christ,” Evan jokes to her, reading her reaction.

“The local celebrity graces us with his presence,” Juliette quips back, causing a laugh to fall from the blond. Although, even with her snarky words, Juliette can’t stop her eyes from jumping back to Adam as he wanders back into the room, a single beer in his hand and the plain white t-shirt highlighting the warmth of his skin and the strength of his body.

“Have you talked to him?” Evan asks, pulling her attention back to him.

“We actually ran into each other earlier today, at the grocery store of all places.”

“And how was that?”

“What do you mean?” Juliette asks, her eyebrows furrowing at Evan’s question.

“Come on, Julie. You two were practically attached at the hip in high school. He came over to our house with you almost as many times as you did alone.”

“Yeah, but that was years ago. He’s off doing bigger and better things. Probably doesn’t think about me that much anymore.”

“Did you recognize him earlier today at the store or did he recognize you?”

“He did…” she replies, the words trailing off as she tries to uncover Evan’s meaning.

“So, he recognized you after almost eight years. That’s a long time, Julie. Plus, judging by the way his eyes have been attached to you since he walked in, I think it’s safe to say he remembers you well enough.”

“What?”

Juliette’s head spins towards Adam and is immediately met with his blue eyes locked on her frame. Eventually, their eyes connect and Juliette watches as a smile breaks out on Adam’s face as he tips his beer towards her in a silent greeting.

Juliette lifts her hand up in a small wave and as soon as the motion happens, her hand flies back down and she tears her gaze away, only to be greeted with Evan’s smug face.

“Shut up,” she mutters, taking another drink of her seltzer, the skin on the back of her neck heating up at Evan’s laugh.

“My god, you still have a crush on him,” Evan says. “Oh, this is hilarious.”

“Shut up Evan.”

“Nah, this is great. Eight years and you’re still pining over him.”

“I am not pining over him.”

“It’s okay, I get it. He was pretty hot back then and he’s only gotten hotter with age. Fine wine and all that nonsense.”

The look that Juliette shoots Evan is one of bemusement as Evan glances over towards Adam before jumping back to her.

“What? I’m gay as shit, remember? Besides, even if I wasn’t, I’ve got eyes.”

“Well, then, why don’t you go and talk to him.”

“Not my type,” Evan replies dismissively causing another snorting laugh to fall from her mouth. When she looks back up to Evan, the expression on his face is still teasing but Juliette recognizes the sincerity underneath his features. “Just go and talk to him, Julie. Even if it’s just as an old friend.”

Evan’s advice bounces around her skull, the proposition sounding so easy and so effortless. But perhaps it was that simple. Maybe Juliette was the one making everything more complicated than it had to be, adding to much weight to a moment that would end up being inconsequential.

For what seemed like the hundredth time that evening, a heavy sigh escapes Juliette as she glances back towards Adam, whose attention was now directed to Marina and her new fiancé. She looks back at Evan, sitting patiently to see her next move.

“You’re like an annoying younger brother, you know that?” Juliette says, the playful tone lightening the blunt words.

“I’m technically older than you.”

“Yeah, yeah, technically,” Juliette says, lifting herself up off the couch, stretching her arms over her head.

“Go get him, tiger,” Evan quips, to which she replies with a quick middle finger thrown over her shoulder, an action which elicits another cackle from Evan as she walks away.

As she wanders into the kitchen, Juliette’s eyes scan over the assortment of alcohol laid out over the counters. The smart thing to do would be to grab another seltzer and nurse that for as long as possible. But she promised Evan that she would talk to Adam and if there was one thing she knew about Evan, he would continue to nag her until she did.

But considering the fluttering of her heart at the mere thought of holding a conversation with the man she still harbored feelings for, she knew she was going to need a stronger drink to help loosen her inhibitions at least a little bit. Just so she wouldn’t embarrass herself.

Although, drunk Juliette could be an embarrassment all on her own. It was a calculate risk.

One that, after a minute of thinking, Juliette decides to take. She grabs some random mixer and pours it into one of the cheap plastic cups that were stacked nearby. She is halfway through adding the vodka when, for the second time that day, Adam’s voice sounds from behind her.

“Do you remember that time your parents let us make our own drinks?”

The smile that comes to Juliette’s face is automatic as she continues to focus on her current task, replying without looking back.

“During the Labour Day barbeque? Of course.”

“I think they ended up regretting that idea later,” Adam says, the edge of his words painted with a breathy chuckle. Juliette also giggles, grabbing her drink before turning to see Adam standing on the other end of the island.

“That was just because someone heard if you mixed blue raspberry vodka with Mountain Dew of all things, it would taste like a Baja Blast.”

“Well, I mean, it did.”

“Yeah, and that was the problem!” Juliette laughs, shaking her head slightly at the still blurry memories of her and Adam acting like complete fools. “I still don’t remember how many of those we managed to drink before falling asleep on the couch in the basement.”

“It sure was a night,” Adam sighs, his eyes darting away, looking down at the half-eaten plates of snacks that Charleen had laid out earlier.

Juliette watches as he reaches out to take a carrot, trying not to get distracted by how elegant his fingers looked. Her attempt was quickly derailed as it took Adam clearing his throat to get her eyes to snap back to his. She has to push away the blush that she feels rising, hiding her face behind her cup as she takes another sip of alcohol.

Juliette half expects Adam to call her out on it, never one to pass up an opportunity to tease her. But he doesn’t. Instead, he once again shoots her that gentle smile and Juliette stops herself from taking another drink to quiet the pounding of her heart.

“What do you remember about the morning after?” Adam asks. His question causes another sigh of laughter to fall, his return to normal conversation giving her some relief.

“That I couldn’t eat for like a full 8 hours. As far as hangovers go, I never want to experience that again.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Oh, I’m sorry we don’t all have the tolerance of a professional athlete.”

“Hey, I wasn’t professional back then,” he retorts.

“Still an athlete,” Juliette sing-songs into her cup, the action making Adam chuckle and shake his head.  

“Fine, I’ll give you that.”

There’s another small pause and Juliette takes the chance to think over Adam’s words. The conversation had been pretty normal, reminiscing over the past as friends would, specifically a memory that was similar to the current situation. But there was one aspect of it that nagged at the back of her mind – a loose thread of sorts. And Juliette decides to tug at it.

“So, did you not wake up still drunk the morning after that Labour Day?”

“I mean, I was definitely hungover. But, uh, waking up the morning after with you curled up next to me… it made the splitting headache a little better.”

It takes a minute for Adam’s confession to register but when they finally do, Juliette has to smother the immediate surprise that his words bring.

Waking up next to you made it better.

The words spin around in Juliette’s head, burrowing into every crevice of her brain and stoking the flames of that every present spark of hope that was still burning after all this time.

Waking up next to you made it better.

The critical voice in her head chooses to speak up, telling Juliette that he didn’t confess to anything. Waking up with a hangover alone, or even with a complete stranger, would absolutely be worse than waking up to a friend.

“Shouldn’t have been that life-changing,” Juliette forces herself to say, attempting to brush off his words and pretending that they didn’t affect her as much as they did. “We’ve slept in the same bed before.”

“I know,” Adam replies, his own voice non-committal, his eyes once again falling away from her.

Another silence falls but this time, there is a tension with it. One that is suffocating and Juliette hates the feeling of it. Hates how it hangs. But she isn’t sure how to fix it. So, she does the one thing that she knows how to do.

Leave. Before things take a turn for the worse.

“Um,” she begins, calling Adam’s attention to her again and her words stick in her throat for a moment at the way his blue eyes pierce into hers. “I better be getting back. Evan was just about to tell me about his most recent terrible blind date.”

“Okay,” Adam replies. His eyes stay glued to Juliette’s body as she starts to walk towards the kitchen exit. “Talk to you later?”

“Of course,” Juliette hums, almost at the threshold to re-enter the living room. She is about to exit when Adam’s voice once again stops her.

“Hey, Jules?”

The nickname makes her turn back to look at Adam and a small trill is sent down her spine as she watched Adam’s gaze shamelessly rake up and down her body before their eyes lock again.

“You look really… pretty, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Juliette says, the compliment warming her from the inside. “You don’t look half-bad yourself,” she returns. A deep chuckle rumbles from Adam’s chest as he shakes his head, a move that was familiar to her; it was the response she always provoked from him whenever she did something amusing or embarrassing. Or both.

Juliette hightails it away from the kitchen, internally cringing at her awkward words before taking another hearty drink from her now half-empty glass.

If the night was going to continue like this, she was definitely going to be refilling her cup multiple times before the party was over. She spies Evan still on the couch, now talking to Thomas and Kristy. She darts over before sitting down next to him, listening to their conversation, both in order to calm her spinning mind and to join in.

It’s only a few seconds until there is a small lull in the conversation and that is when Evan shoots her a glance, one eyebrow raised in a silent question that Juliette doesn’t need him to voice to understand.

“Don’t even ask,” she mutters into her cup. Evan just gently bumps his shoulder against hers in reply and that casual ease is what finally allows her to relax, focusing on the talk around her and reorienting herself to the party that was filled with her friends.

As the party continues into the night, it slowly dwindles down. People take off, heading back to their own homes and families. The later it gets, the more the party shifts, from its previous riot to a more relaxed get-together. Eventually, Juliette finds herself lingering with the remaining guests, all of them huddled around the firepit constructed on the sandy lakeshore out back.

Juliette takes another sip from her cup now filled with water as she relaxes, listening to the chatter of those around her, breathing in the fresh air of the pines and feeling the cool sand beneath her bare feet.

She is so focused on the present moment that she doesn’t even notice Adam’s approach, didn’t see the way his eyes softened at the sight of her. The sound of him clearing his throat causes Juliette’s eyes to fly open, meeting his gaze in the low firelight.

“Is this seat taken?” Adam asks, gesturing to the empty expanse of the wooden log she was perched on.

“Not at all,” comes her easy reply, scooting over to allow Adam enough room to sit down. And Juliette cannot suppress the shiver that runs through her when Adam’s knee knocks against hers.

They sit there is silence for a moment, just the crackling of fire and the chit-chat of the people around them being the only noise in the night until Juliette breaks the silence.

“So, I hear you got a dog?”

“Yeah, Banks. He’s a golden retriever.”

Adam continues to talk about his new puppy, even going to show Juliette videos of Banks and his adorable retriever smile. The icebreaker leads them to finally take the time to catch up on their respective lives; careers, pets – or lack thereof in Juliette’s case, homes, and all the rest. Almost every detail, from the menial to the major.

Throughout the conversation, Juliette notices a few pauses in Adam’s speech; that he sometimes takes more time to tell her things that don’t seem complicated. Like he’s hiding something. Like he doesn’t want her to see all of him.

She hates it. Because even though there was still a small flame of attraction for Adam, she would be fine with just having her best friend back – the one that was never afraid to tell her exactly how he felt.

Which is what leads her to press a little further.

“So, life’s been good in Winnipeg?” she asks, leaning closer to Adam to really hear his answer

“Yeah. I mean, haven’t gotten everything I wanted yet but it’s still pretty good,” he replies, shooting her a small smile. She doesn’t have time to pry more before Adam deflects the conversation back to her. “How about you?”

“Eh, still figuring things out. But I have plenty of time to decide where I want my life to go.”

“You were always really good at that; just letting things happen naturally.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Juliette laughs, shaking her head lightly. “I think I’m just really good at disguising my true emotions which makes it seem like I’m easy-going.”

“Really? How so?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Like… relationships or dating for example. It’s easy for me to flirt with people I’m not really interested in. It’s easy because I know I’m never going to let them get too close to me. I don’t have to try so hard to be the girl they want me to be because… I was never planning on being their girl anyway,” she explains, the lingering alcohol in her veins loosening her tongue. She looks at Adam, watching as her words sink in, his brow furrowing.

“Was that true back in high school?” Adam asks. “Like, when you were dating Pierce, you weren’t actually interested in him?”

A small shocked movement goes through Juliette, surprised that Adam even remembered the guy she dated back then. She doesn’t linger on the knowledge that Adam didn’t seem to forget, even after eight years, choosing instead to shrug her shoulders before replying.

“He wasn’t looking for anything serious. And it was nice to have someone.”

Juliette doesn’t tell him that back then, Pierce offered her more than just a warm bed. He was also a placeholder, someone to help her suppress her feelings towards Adam. In a way, she had been disguising herself for years.

Her eyes jump back to Adam, who is staring into the fire pit, seemingly deep in thought. Juliette waits for him to speak, even though every second that passes feels like torture and the anxiety starts to gnaw at the frayed edges of her mind. Eventually, Adam looks back at her and there it is – that pang in her heart.

Because he’s looking at her with those soft eyes. An expression that she had seen only occasionally back when they were kids. An expression she never thought she’d see again.

“You know you don’t have to try with me, right?”

Juliette hears the words but they don’t fully register, don’t fully connect at first. She lets out a somewhat dismissive laugh, nudging Adam’s thigh with her knee.

“Yeah, that’s why we’re friends,” she giggles, glancing away as she takes another sip of water. There’s another small pause and Juliette thinks that that is the end of it. But then she feels the warmth of Adam’s palm envelop her knee, the touch causing her eyes to snap back towards him. His expression had shifted – still soft but there is a hardened sense of earnestness underneath it.

“No, I mean, you don’t have to try.”

The words are repeated, nothing new said. But it’s the way he says it that causes Juliette’s heart to skip a beat. The chill from the lake disappears as the heat floods her body. But unfortunately, while the heat comes in full force, so does the anxiety.

Why was he saying this? Did he really mean it? Did he know how she felt? Does he feel the same?

These questions and more spin around in her mind, rendering her silent, her eyes just wide and still, staring at Adam. She barely registers the shift in his own expression, her silence no doubt causing some doubt of his own to enter his mind.

“Jules…”

“I don’t want to hear this.”

The thought comes over her in an instant, cutting through the rest of the static in her brain. Whether he was going to comfort her, or rescind his words, or try to explain them more, she didn’t want to hear it.

“I need to get more water,” she mumbles, the words fall past her lips in a jumble of syllables, barely coherent. But it didn’t really matter when they were accompanied by the speed in which she lifted herself up, retreating back into the now empty house and into the kitchen. And as she fills up her cup again, her confusion resurfaces.

What the fuck was happening?

Was Adam trying to pick her up? Is that what that meant? And if so, why was she so scared of it? That’s what she wanted. That’s the reason she wore this dress. The reason she was here.

So, if it worked, if her efforts paid off, why was she running away?

Because it had never worked before. Not with any of the guys in the past eight years. It didn’t even work with Adam back in high school. Sure, she didn’t tell him outright that she wanted more back then. But that didn’t mean that she didn’t drop hints to him, hoping that he would understand them and take that first step himself. But he remained oblivious for those last few months and then he was gone.

And of course, now – now after years of not talking – he finally reciprocates. And that was terrifying.

It was easy not to be wanted, to be casual, to be friends. Nothing was real; there was no risks and no consequences to unrequited feelings. But now… if she took that step with Adam, whatever tenuous strand of friendship that they were still clinging to would be irrevocably shifted and changed.

What the fuck was she going to do?

Juliette heaves a sigh, walking out of the kitchen, debating on what her next step should be. Should she take the leap? Pretend Adam’s words didn’t tangle her in knots like they did? Fully run away by hopping in her car without saying goodbye?

Perhaps unfortunately for her, Juliette doesn’t have the chance to make the final decision. Because when she enters the living room, looking up from her glass, Adam is standing there waiting for her.

“Jules,” he starts, taking a step towards her.

“Please stop calling me that.”

“Why?”

“No one ever calls me that,” Juliette explains, her voice dismissive as she takes another sip of her drink, still trying to settle the pounding of her heart.

“No one? Not one other person has ever called you Jules? A friend? A boyfriend? No one?” Adam asks, taking a step towards her after every single question until he is standing in front of her, his body towering over her.

“No one,” she confirms, her voice faltering with the nerves still thrumming through her body.

“Only me?”

Juliette takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the words she was about to speak, knowing that they would be more of a confession than anything else she could possibly say. It takes a moment before her hazel eyes open, connecting to him.

“That nickname has only ever been for you.”

The words hang in the air between them and Juliette watches as they register on Adam’s face and her heart pangs when that soft, gentle smile appears on his face; a smile that was always reserved for her. Her heartbeat doesn’t settle when Adam’s hand lifts up to brush away the loose curl from Juliette’s forehead, his finger twirling around the strand before placing it behind her ear. His fingers don’t stray far as they move to brush along her jawline and she knows Adam can see the goosebumps his touch causes.

“What else is only mine?” Adam questions, his voice dropping impossibly deeper as his face moves closer towards Juliette’s.

“Do you really have to ask?”

“I need you to say it, Jules. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

This was the moment. There was more delaying, no time for hesitation. It was time for a decision. One that felt impossible for Juliette to make. But then Adam’s thumb brushes against her cheek, pulling her attention away from her thoughts and back to him.

“Don’t overthink it, Jules. It’s okay,” he whispers, his voice as delicate as his touch. “You don’t have to try with me, remember?”

It’s those words that cause that last wall to come crashing down, a shuddering breath running through Juliette. She closes her eyes, digging deeply for the strength to speak the truth that she had known for a long time.

“I am, Adam. Only yours. I think I always have been.”

Juliette’s response is enough for Adam to finally close the gap between them, his lips coming to press against hers. And even though Juliette could see the kiss coming, the feeling of it – the reality of it – still made her almost drop her glass.

Because Adam was kissing her. He was actually kissing her.

It’s Juliette that deepens the kiss, pushing up on her toes to press her body closer to Adam, relishing the groan that escapes him as his hands fly to her hips in order to keep her body pinned to his. Somehow, Juliette manages to find some flat surface nearby to set down her cup and as soon as the cheap plastic is out of her hands, they fly up to tangle in Adam’s hair, kisses never ceasing.

It feels like an eternity before Adam finally pulls away from her and Juliette’s eyes reconnect with his, registering the dark black of his pupils almost swallowing the bright blue of his irises.

There aren’t any words spoken between the two of them as Adam steps back. There was no time to speak before he is taking her hand in his and leading her down the hallway. Juliette was still trying to piece her mind back together after the dizzying kiss that she doesn’t protest as Adam drags her along, doesn’t question when Adam leads her up the stairs and into the second-floor bathroom.

She definitely doesn’t complain when Adam locks the door behind him and pulls her back into his arms, their lips connecting again. Adam uses his strong body to push Juliette against the sink countertop, a chill rushing down her spine as the cool marble hits the back of her bare thighs.

Adam’s hands are all over her body, pulling her closer to him, pressing her frame against his. A gasp falls from Juliette when Adam’s hands cup the back of her legs, lifting her up onto the countertop with an ease that sends another rush of heat down to her core.

Eventually, Adam’s lips fall from her own and begin to move across her jawline, down the smooth expanse of her throat. Juliette can’t help the way her hips roll when Adam pauses against her neck, sucking a hickey into her pale skin with a fierceness that is exquisite in its sting. Adam moves again, his lips trailing down across her collarbones, dancing across the top of her cleavage, before he pulls away to flick his eyes back up to hers.

“What else is only for me, Jules?” he asks, reiterating the question that led them here. “Is this dress for me?”

There is no hesitancy as Juliette’s response comes in an empathetic nod of her head. A whine escapes her as Adam’s fingers deftly trace along the neckline and she can hear him moan at the sight of her nipples straining through the fabric.

“Only wore it so you could take it off,” Juliette murmurs, slightly shocked at how Adam was able to pull the truth from her so effortlessly. The only response Adam gives is a low chuckle, his hands moving up to momentarily play with the thin straps between his fingers before he oh so painstakingly slides them off her shoulders.

Juliette lets him pull the fabric down, exposing her bare chest to the harsh light of the bathroom, another groan falling from his lips at the sight of her.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he mutters before moving forward, his lips resuming their former place against her sternum, now free to roam further down. A soft moan escapes Juliette as Adam’s lips close around her nipple, teasing it and causing another involuntary roll of her hips. Adam pauses on her chest for a moment, to give both of her breasts an ample amount of attention before continuing to move his lips down, over the ridges of her ribs.

“What are you – ” Juliette attempts to ask as he sinks to his knees in front of her but the question is quickly cut off when Adam’s strong hands pull apart her thighs and his soft lips connect to the delicate skin.

“What do you think I’m doing?” he whispers again her inner thighs, lips slowly moving further up. “Tell me what else is mine, Jules.”

The shiver that runs through Juliette’s body is in response to Adam’s movements, her legs opening wider both to give him access and as a silent plea. If Adam notices, he doesn’t take the bait, his lips lingering just inches from where she wants him.

“What else?” he asks and a shuddering breath falls from Juliette as one of his hands sneaks up towards the soft grey cotton of her thong, the fabric flooding with her need as Adam presses a finger against her slit.

“Is this all for me?” he continues, his touch moving upwards to rub her clit, pulling a whine from Juliette as her hips jolt forwards once more. “Tell me Jules,” Adam softly demands, his movements never stopping. “What else is mine?”

“I am,” Juliette whispers, the words coming out shaky, not only due to the feeling of Adam’s fingers against her but also the lingering anxiety that laced itself between the syllables. Adam manages to hear that hesitancy within her voice and he tears himself away, looking up to lock his eyes with hers once more.

“I’m yours, Adam,” she continues, the gentle expression on his face calming her, allowing the truth to be spoken with ease. “All of me.”

Adam doesn’t give Juliette a verbal response but she can see the shift in his expression as he takes in her words, sees his lips uptick in a smile. He raises his body up slightly to allow Juliette to close the gap between them, pulling him into another kiss, her hands tangling in his hair once more. She moans into his mouth as she feels his hands sneaking underneath the hemline of her dress and finding the elastic waistband of her panties, pulling away from her lips as he pulls the fabric away from her core.

He shoots a quick smirk up at her before his large hands are pushing her thighs even further apart, the movement causing the bottom of her dress to slip up over her hips. Juliette barely has time to react before Adam’s head is ducking down again, his lips retracing their movement against her inner thighs until they finally, finally, connect with her core.

The sharp gasp that leaves Juliette’s mouth is the only sound that escapes as her hands tighten in his hair, pulling him impossibly deeper into her, an action that sends a chuckle rumbling from Adam’s chest, the vibration of it sending another jolt through Juliette.

The whines and moans only increase as Adam continues to move, his tongue dipping into her folds, groaning at her taste. His lips eventually wander up to wrap around her clit and the way he sucks, the way his tongue flicks over the sensitive bundle of nerves almost causes Juliette to come undone.

“Oh fuck,” Juliette moans, hips rolling up to chase Adam’s lips.

“Yeah? Just like that?” comes Adam’s questioning voice before he repeats the movement, another high-pitched whimper falling from Juliette. “Come on sweetheart. I want you to cum for me.”

His simple request and the repeated motion of his mouth against her is all it takes for that peak to come crashing over Juliette, thighs tightening around Adam’s head before his hands lift to hold them open as his mouth continues its movements, eagerly lapping up her release, the vibration of his own groans causing her orgasm to be prolonged.

The crest eventually subsides, leaving Juliette’s still exposed chest heaving as Adam’s lips move back to kiss at the apex of her thighs. But before the desire completely disappears, before Juliette is slammed back into the reality of where she was and what just happened, another moan is pulled past her lips as Adam’s hand sneaks between her legs, his fingers once again coming to press against her slit, this time unobstructed.

“Fuck Jules, you feel so fucking good,” he groans into her soft skin, a finger plunging into her core, the welcomed intrusion sending another flush of heat through her body, no doubt painting her chest a more mottled scarlet than before.

“Adam,” she whines, the hand still tangled in his hair tugging him upwards. He obliges, lifting himself off his knees but still keeps his hand between her thighs, one finger pumping into her core before he slides another in.

The moan that escapes from Juliette is swallowed quickly by Adam crashing his lips back to hers, kissing her deeply as he continues his movements. Juliette breaks away from the kiss when Adam curls his fingers within her, the motion causing him to graze over that one spot that had her seeing stars. Adam reads her reaction with ease and is smart enough to repeat the motion, causing another delectable moan to fall from her.

Juliette’s eyes jump down to stare at Adam’s arms, taking in the the way his veins became more prominent with every motion, her moans becoming erratic as Adam once again brings her closer and closer to her peak. Without thinking, the hand that had she had been using to support her body flew to wrap around Adam’s forearm, as if to silently beg him to keep it there. It was an additional bonus for her to feel his muscles flex as his fingers continued move within her.

“That’s right darling,” Adam sighs out, his breath hot against the shell of her ear. “Give me another one. Prove to me that you’re all mine.”

His sudden possessiveness is what drives Juliette over the edge again, her second orgasm crashing over her. The feeling of her clenching around Adam’s fingers pulls a groan from him, one he muffles by burying his mouth into the junction of Juliette’s neck and shoulder, his lips and teeth marking her once more.

It takes a moment for both of them to catch their breath before Adam is pulling away, his hands and body retreating from Juliette’s. He doesn’t stray far, only taking one step back and Juliette can’t help but bask in the way his eyes rake over her still exposed body.

Juliette appraises him similarly, eyes jumping down to the bulge in his jeans. That sight renews her hunger as she slides off the countertop, not bothering to adjust anything before sinking to her knees in front of Adam. Her hands crawl up his thick thighs towards his belt buckle. She barely has the chance to start to undo the leather when Adam’s hands reach down and halt her movements.

“No Jules,” Adam says. “Not here.”

“But I want to,” she replies, looking up at him, her eyes still blown wide in pure need.

Adam reaches down to cup her face and Juliette leans into his touch, his large palm almost covering her entire cheek. Adam holds out his other hand to her and there is only a moment before Juliette places her hand in his. He pulls her off the tile floor, not waiting even a millisecond before pulling her into him again, lips crashing together. Juliette wraps her arms around him, reveling in the way he touches her and kisses her until she feels drunk. Adam eventually breaks away, his warm breath fanning over her cheeks.

“Let me take you home, Jules.”

Juliette response is an assured nod, desperation still fueling her actions and Adam can’t stop the small laugh that escapes him. Juliette feels his hands moving against her but this time, it’s to pull the hem of her dress down, covering her. She pulls the top half back over her chest and reaches for the denim jacket, oh so carelessly left on the bathroom counter. But when she pulls the fabric back over her shoulders, her keys fall out of the pocket and onto the tile with a clatter, reminding her of a small snag in their plan.

“Wait, we came here separately,” she says, halting Adam at the doorway. “And I’m not about to try and explain why I’m leaving my car here.”

“Right. Fuck, um,” Adam says, pausing with his hand on the handle, his free hand coming to run through his hair. “Do you want to lead the way?” he asks, looking back at her.

“Back to my place?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I mean, only if you want to.”

Juliette smiles, slowly walking over to him. She slides between him and the still closed door before lifting herself up to connect their lips again. Adam happily melts into the kiss, pressing her against the solid wood. Juliette lets her hands wander down, once again dancing over Adam’s belt buckle before dipping a little lower and she can’t help the satisfied feeling that rushes through her when Adam breaks from the kiss with a groan as she gently palms him through his jeans.

“If we leave now, we can be there in 15,” she says, not halting her movements as she captures Adam’s lips in hers again. This time, Adam voluntarily pulls away, reaching down to stop her hands before grinning back at her.

“You gonna break the speed limit?”

“Are you?”

Adam’s immediately grabs Juliette’s hips, pulling her into his body before lifting her feet off the tile, spinning her away from the door. She gasps at the ease in which he could maneuver her, the heat once again moving through her body at the possibilities his strength could provide as the night went on. Adam leans in to press a quick kiss onto her lips before moving back, his eyes heavy as he looks down at her.

“I don’t want to be away from you any longer than I have to,” he says, turning the handle and holding the door open for Juliette. She steps through, looking back at Adam with a mischievous smirk.

“Just don’t get pulled over.”

The morning sunlight shines through the cracks in Juliette’s white curtains, hitting her closed eyes. The concentrated beam causes her eyelashes to flutter open, softly groaning as she burrows deeper into her sheets. As she does, the weight of another shifts and Juliette’s eyes open to see Adam sleeping peacefully, the sun causing his hair to alight in a beautiful auburn.

Last night…

It was everything that Juliette could’ve wanted; everything she could’ve dreamt it to be. Adam made her feel… everything. All those thoughts and emotions that she had been holding back for ages, he brought forth with the touch of his hands on her skin.

He made her feel desired. He told her as much. And she had told him that she was his.

But words said in the heat of passion may not hold in the harsh light of day.

They needed to talk. Actually sit down and have a conversation about everything that had happened, every word said.

The conviction in her mind makes Juliette sit upright in bed, the covers falling from her body as she stretches her arms over her head. Perhaps she would make breakfast, or order in, or something. Food always seemed to help hard conversations become a little easier.

Juliette swings her legs over the edge of the mattress and right as her feet hit the floor, she hears the vibration of Adam’s phone rattling against the wood of her nightstand. She quickly circles the bed, intending to hit the lock button to silence what she assumes to be an alarm, as to not disturb him. Let him rest a little longer. But when the screen comes into view, she sees that it is not an alarm, but a Facetime call attempting to come through.

And when Juliette’s brain registers the picture and caller ID on the screen, her heart stops beating.

She doesn’t move, just stares at the phone as it continues to ring, memorizing the face of the girl wrapped in Adam’s arms in the image plastered on the screen; the blonde of her hair, her smile. The two hearts framing her caller ID.

The phone eventually silences but before Juliette can take another breath, a text message pops up.

Betty You’re probably still asleep. I forget that you’re in a different time-zone. Hope you had fun at the party! Call me whenever you wake up! Love you! Message received May 27th at 8:41am

Juliette doesn’t move; her feet feeling like stone weights, her heart collapsing in on itself like a dying star. She is so stuck in the moment where everything she thought she knew shifted on its axis that she barely registers the rustling of sheets next to her, the gentle groan of Adam rousing from his sleep.

“Morning,” Adam mumbles and Juliette can hear him turn his body towards her. But she doesn’t look at him, just keeps her eyes locked to the phone, her mind racing with the truth that Adam withheld.

He lied to her. He made her an accomplice in his infidelity. Turned her into something she never wanted to be. The temptress, the mistress, the other woman.

“Jules?”

There’s that fucking nickname again, falling from his lips and Juliette doesn’t want to acknowledge the ache in her heart when she hears him say her name like that. Because she knows that she would do anything he asked if he would just say it again.

She clenches her jaw and finally tears her eyes away from the nightstand, moving to look at Adam laying in the messy sheets. And when her hazel eyes connect to his, she wishes she could erase the feeling of desire that comes rushing to the surface.

Because he is not hers to want.

She knows that now.

“Who’s Betty?”

The words echo around her bedroom and Juliette can feel them hanging in the air as she watches Adam’s brow furrow before the realization drops. And he looks as if he’s been shot.

“Good,” she thinks. He should feel disgusted for what he did. For lying to her. For leading her on.

“Jules, I can explain,” Adam begins but Juliette cuts him off with a scoff.

“You can explain? Explain what, Adam? That you –”

Juliette spins away from him, her hand coming up to her mouth. She didn’t want to say the words, didn’t want to speak the truth into existence. But there was no avoiding this.

“Who is she?” she asks again, not bothering to turn around to face Adam again, instead choosing to stare out the window at the rising sun, not caring if the light caused her eyes to water. The tears would’ve come eventually. Better to blame it on something else instead of the feeling of her heart shattering.

“She’s my girlfriend,” Adam confesses, his voice soft with defeat.

Another scoff falls from Juliette as her lips purse, her head slightly shaking. Her arms cross in front of her stomach as she continues to look forward. She tries to ignore the sound of Adam sliding out from underneath her sheets, the gentle sound of his footsteps crossing the short distance between them, the heat of his body behind her. She ignores it until she can’t, when his hands slide across her arms before stopping over hers, holding her in his embrace.

She should push him off her, throw him out of her house and her life. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, barely breathes.

She just waits. Waits for him to speak. To tell her. Tell her what exactly, she isn’t sure. Because she knows that any word out of his mouth would just plunge the knife deeper.

The silence lasts for a long moment, neither of them brave enough to make the first move. Until Juliette feels Adam’s hands shift, moving to her biceps, gently gripping them.

“Jules, look at me. Please.”

She tries to resist the pull of him, not just the physical pull but the tug of her heart, begging her to listen even though her mind knew better. Eventually, she turns, her eyes closing, wanting to hold off on staring into those beautiful blue eyes.

It’s the gentle touch of his fingers against her chin that finally forces her eyes to flutter open. She can see his expression shift as he registers the tears on her cheeks and the blankness in her gaze.

“I’m sorry,” he says and Juliette can’t help the small huff of laughter that escapes as her eyes move away for a quick moment before coming back to his.

“For what? Sorry for what?”

“For not telling you,” Adam begins and – in a reaction that was long overdue – Juliette feels her sad numbness finally shift into anger.

“You’re damn right you should’ve told me!” she says, tearing her arms away from him and pacing to the other side of her bedroom. “What, did you think I would be okay with this? Do you think I wanted this?”

“You wanted this last night,” Adam mutters and the words sink in, causing the fire in Juliette to blaze higher, another scoff falling from her lips.

“Don’t you dare try to pin this on me. I’m not the one who fucked someone else while they’re girlfriend was waiting for them two provinces away!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that! Stop apologizing to me like that’s going to fix everything. What the fuck were you thinking, Adam?”

“You want to know what I was thinking?” he says, turning towards her with a fierceness in his eyes that makes Juliette take a step back. “I was thinking; here’s this girl that I had been friends with for years, that looks more beautiful than she did the last day I saw her, and that looks like she wants me just as much as I want her.”

It takes a moment for his words to break through the fire that surrounded Juliette but when they finally do sink in, it smothers the blaze as quickly as it came.

Because it feelslike he is telling her the truth. The words he spoke… they don’t feel hollow. They don’t feel like words he spewed just to assuage her, to calm her. They feel real. But then again, so did last night.

Juliette doesn’t respond, just stays in place, letting her silence stretch until Adam takes it as a sign to continue.

“Betty and I…” Adam starts, the sentence trailing off as he tries to put his thoughts in order. “I care about her. I do. And I know it might not seem like it based on, well, everything. But when I saw you again… I don’t know if I can explain it. Something hit me, like I was seeing you for the first time.”

Adam takes a step towards Juliette, his footsteps delicate against the hardwood of her bedroom floor. He approached her cautiously, as if she was a wounded animal backed into a corner. Which she very well might be, based on how razor-thin close she was to shattering.

“I thought that I would die if I didn’t have you.”

Juliette can feel the tears start to well in her eyes and she tries to push them down. But it is futile as Adam’s voice continues to gently call, his hand moving to reach out to her.  

“Jules. My Jules.”

“Don’t.”

“Please.”

“Adam… don’t,” she repeats, the words growing thick with all the emotions that she had suppressed for so long. She feels the first teardrop fall the second that Adam grabs her hand, his touch pulling an involuntary reaction from her, like it did last night underneath her bedsheets.

“It’s always been you. I’m sorry it took me this long to see it.”

His confession finally causes the damn to break open and it is purely instinctive, the way she collapses into his outstretched arms, her tear-stained cheeks pressing against his still bare chest.

Juliette isn’t sure about the meaning behind her tears, her mind too jumbled to make sense of anything except the feeling of Adam’s strong arms holding her tight. He doesn’t speak; he just lets the emotions pour out, his lips burrowed in her hair. 

There is no denying how wrong this situation is. Nothing would erase the newfound discovery of Adam’s girlfriend waiting in Winnipeg, waiting for a call back. But right now, Juliette can’t seem to find it in herself to care.

Because although she isn’t sure what is true… this, here, being in Adam’s arms feels right.

And if it feels this good, how could it possibly be wrong?

Eventually, Juliette’s tears run out, leaving her only with small sniffles and red eyes. Adam is still holding her, one of his hands running calming circles against her spine. It takes a moment for her to gather enough to strength to push away from him, although she doesn’t go far, content to stay encased in his arms.

“So,” she speaks, brushing away any lingering wetness from her cheeks before looking up towards Adam. “What are we going to do?”

Her heart shouldn’t leap at the sight of a grin breaking out on Adam’s face. But like every reaction that Adam pulls from her, she isn’t sure that she would’ve been able to stop it.

“What do you want me to do? Or need me to do?”

“I mean, breaking up with your girlfriend would be a good start,” Juliette says, trying to infuse some light-hearted teasing into her words. An ease that is quickly squashed by Adam’s response.

“I can’t. Not now.”

“But you said –” she starts, her eyebrow furrowing in confusion before Adam cuts her off, an explanation waiting on his lips.

“I know. And I promise, you are the only one I want, I swear. But I do care about Betty. I can’t just break it off with her over a phone call while she’s a thousand kilometers away. That wouldn’t be fair.”

“So, what does that mean for us, now? Am I just supposed to go on with my life after everything you told me? Are we supposed to go back to how it was before yesterday; when I tried to forget you and you did the same?”

“I never forgot about you,” Adam says, his head ducking down to kiss her but Juliette turns her head before he can.

“You know what I mean, Adam,” she says, sending him a serious look indicating that she wasn’t about to let this go that easily. Adam sighs, shaking his head while shooting her a small smile.

“Always so stubborn,” he murmurs. “There is no way we are going back to never talking. I’m not letting you go that easily, especially now that I finally have you.”

“So, what are we going to do?”

Another sigh escapes Adam’s chest as he looks up towards the ceiling in thought. Juliette waits patiently, wanting him to take the reins in this situation. Especially considering that this… thing was his idea.

“I think it’s best that we keep this,” he says, pulling her closer to emphasize the meaning behind his words, “private. There’s no way I’m not spending another night in your bed for the rest of the summer.”

The sultry cadence of his words causes a rush of heat to rise to Juliette’s cheeks, her head turning away shyly. Or attempting to turn away before Adam catches her chin, pulling her attention back towards his.

“But we can obviously hang out together. Like we did back in high school. No reason that what we do behind these four walls would change how we act outside of them. How’s that sound?”

The question is directed towards Juliette and she lets the proposition sink in, tearing it over in her head. She would be lying if she said she didn’t have reservations. The proposal was an affair – there was no other word that better defined it. But Adam didn’t frame it like that. It was a necessary but temporary situation. Nothing more.

Juliette isn’t sure what makes her shake her head in agreement. If it was desire or fear or desperation. But she doesn’t get a chance to examine the driving emotion further. Because as soon as she gives her silent answer, that smile appears on Adam’s face, the fingers underneath her chin lifting her head up to meet his eyes.

“I promise Jules,” he whispers against her lips. “Just a few months. And then I can be yours completely.”

And when he seals his vow with a kiss to her lips, the only thing that Juliette can put into words is how good it feels to have him right now.

The summer drifts by and sometimes, Juliette finds her mind drifting with it.

Her and Adam continue their affair. Juliette hates thinking about it like that but there was no other way to describe it. She knew about Betty, about the girl waiting back in Winnipeg for Adam, about the girl who had claimed the spot of partner in Adam’s life long before she did. Juliette doesn’t like to think about Betty though, often banishing any thought of her from her mind. Because thinking about Betty would mean acknowledging her own role in this – the other woman.

But it’s easy to forget whenever her and Adam are alone.

Adam is intoxicating: the way he touches her, the way he kisses her. The hours she spends with him are exhilarating; stolen moments in his car, kisses shared in secrecy behind garden fences and in secluded hallways, evenings in her room with their hips moving in tandem, mornings when Adam dips beneath her covers and looks up at her, grinning like devil from between her thighs.

The voice in the back of Juliette’s mind remains, occasionally speaking up, telling her this is going to end – badly. That she is walking a treacherous path and eventually, she’s going to pay for the missteps that she is making.

However, that voice gets weaker and weaker as the summer goes on.

Because the way Adam treats Juliette… it’s not temporary. Or at least, it doesn’t feel like it is temporary. He doesn’t act like she is some summer fling, something to illicit excitement for a few months and then abandon as soon as the weather turns cold.

No, Adam treats her like this is it, like this is the one romance that he always wanted.

It was dangerous, falling for him again. It left her with nothing but heartache the last time, pining after him: the one that got away.

But then he came back. Fate brought him back to her and he was here now. He was next to her and he was telling her all the things she dreamed about hearing. His sweet words drowned out everything in her mind that was screaming at her, telling her this was wrong.

Because how could it be?

When she woke up next to him, watching the sunlight dance over his skin…

When he wrapped his arms around her and held her close…

When he told her that she was the only one for him…

How could any of that be wrong?

Yes, there were moments where she didn’t want to leave the comfort of the sheets that she and Adam were tangled in. Because leaving the privacy of her bedroom walls meant pretending that he didn’t send a fire burning through her with every look, every touch. And sometimes, she got tired of pretending. Juliette wanted to be able to hold his hand while they were walking down the street, wanted to kiss him in front of their friends, wanted to show the world that he was hers.

But Adam always soothed her, told her that this was the only part of their summer romance that was temporary. She just had to wait a little longer. Just until he saw Betty in person.

Just a few more months.

The cool breeze blowing in from the lake ruffled Juliette’s hair, the curls still damp and her skin still warm. Adam always loved to kiss the freckles that appeared on her cheeks after the hours she spent in the sun and Jules loved the feeling of his lips on her skin.

She wanted to feel them again.

They had spent the day at the lake with their friends and it was fun and enjoyable. It sent Juliette back to those high school summers where everything was simpler. Sometimes she still found herself wanting to go back there because maybe then she would be braver. Maybe she would’ve told Adam how she felt before he went away.

Juliette feels the warmth of a palm appear on the bare skin of her thigh and her eye dart from the passing woods to Adam’s profile, sitting behind the wheel as he drives her back to his house.

Maybe she could’ve been braver. But he was here now and that was all that mattered.

They had to pretend for the entire day, keeping a friendly distance from each other, only giving into the rising temptation in the backseat of Adam’s car parked in a secluded spot by the lakeshore after all their friends had left. Juliette still wanted more, not quite satisfied. Sometimes it didn’t feel like enough. But these stolen moments… they were enough right now.

And every touch Adam placed against her skin was weighted with the promise of something more to come as soon as the night took hold.

But they would have to pretend for a little longer – long enough to sit through a dinner with Adam’s mother, father, and brother Joel, along with Elsie and Evan. Just like old times.

Juliette is snapped out of her reverie by Adam pulling into his driveway, putting the car in park before smiling over to her.

“Ready?” he asks. Juliette lets out a hum, her eyes darting towards the front door, knowing as soon as they stepped over that threshold, their masks of ‘just friends’ would have fall back into place. Her eyes return to Adam, a playful glint reflecting in them.

“I don’t know if I want to let you go yet.”

Adam doesn’t hesitate in responding to her stalling by leaning over the center console, his hand coming to grip the back of her neck and pulling her close, pressing his lips against hers. She willingly surrenders to the kiss, pushing her body towards him, her hand lifting to grip his wrist and hold him in place. Juliette breaks the kiss, pulling away before nuzzling her head into Adam’s palm, looking up at him with her best bedroom eyes.

The shudder runs through her body as she hears Adam exhale, her lips twitching upwards in delight, loving the response that she could pull from him.

“We’ll stay for two hours, tops,” Adam says, his own darkening eyes dancing over her frame and Juliette can almost see the pictures flashing through Adam’s mind, her own body heating with anticipation.

“I’m holding you to that,” she whispers before fully removing herself from Adam’s touch, opening the car door and slipping out. She doesn’t wait for him as she walks up the front porch steps, swinging open the door and kicking off her slides before following the sounds of conversation, leading her to the kitchen.

When she rounds the corner, her eyes gloss over the scene quickly, noticing Elsie standing next to Adam’s mom by the stove and Evan talking to his dad Dave over on the couch. Juliette is about halfway into the room when the back door opens and Joel walks in, holding an empty platter and tongs with Elsie following closely behind him.

“Wait, Elsie?”

If Elsie was outside then who was –

“Adam! Guess who decided to pop in unexpectedly.”

It’s his mom Elaine that speaks and Juliette knows that behind her, Adam has just stepped into the kitchen. And when the blonde that was standing next to Elaine turns, the blonde that Juliette originally mistook for Elsie, there was no mistaking who it was.

Her face had haunted Juliette even since that morning in late May.

“Betty?”

Hearing her name fall from Adam’s lips feels like a gut-punch but Juliette forces herself to turn and watch as Betty jogs over to him. She tries not flinch when Betty jumps into his arms and Adam easily lifts her up. And it is only a moment before she presses her lips against his.

Juliette barely registers the scattered clapping coming from Adam’s family and their friends over the sentimental reunion and she shakes herself out of her shock just enough to politely join in. Her eyes stay glued onto Adam as he and Betty untangle, the smile pulled across his face, his blue eyes shining bright.

It looks so convincing.

“Surprise!” Betty giggles, holding her hands up in joy. “Miss me?”

“Of course, I did,” he replies, his hands resting on her hips pulling her into another hug, Betty’s head pressed against his chest. It is only then does his eyes dart over towards Juliette and she tries to keep her face as neutral as possible, not wanting to reveal any emotion that would complicate this now dangerous situation they found themselves in.

“How are you here?” Adam asks as Betty pulls away.

“A work trip. Not here, up in Edmonton but I decided to take an extended weekend to come surprise you.”

“Well, consider me very surprised,” Adam says and Juliette turns away as he leans into kiss Betty again.

She had to get out of this kitchen.

So, in the most casual movements that she could muster, Juliette walks over to the backdoor, pushing it open and wandering onto the Lowry’s expansive deck. She spies Joel standing in front of the grill, flipping the chicken breasts for dinner. Juliette goes to him for no real reason except for maybe distraction.

“Hey Julie,” Joel says once she stops next to the grill.

“Hey Joel. You got stuck with grill duty?”

“Looks like it. Dad didn’t want to today and you and Adam weren’t back in enough time so, here I am.”

“So, I’m partially responsible for your predicament?”

“Depends on if you were the reason Adam was late,” Joel jokes, looking over to Juliette with a smile on his face.

Juliette has to push down the heat that threatens to rise as the image of her and Adam in the backseat of his car with his hand between her thighs, flashes through her mind. Instead, she just laughs before her attention is pulled by Elaine and Dave walking outside, followed closely by Elsie and Evan. Adam and Betty appear last and she tries not to feel hurt at the sight of their hands intertwined.

She turns away, looking for another distraction, moving to the cooler placed in the corner of the deck. Juliette manages to fish out a beer and pops it open. But before she can even take a swig, she hears Adam’s voice sound from behind her.

“Hey Jules,” he says and she spins around and comes face-to-face with him and Betty. “Have you met Betty yet?”

Juliette once again must force a different expression on her face, one that disguises her true emotions (like the feeling of wanting to glare daggers in Adam’s direction) before turning to Betty with a smile on her face.

“I don’t think I have,” she says lightly, holding out her hand. “Nice to finally meet you, Betty.”

“Finally meet me? Oh no, please don’t tell me Adam has told you everything about me.” Betty laughs, taking Juliette’s hand.

“Well, we’ve been best friends since high school so he usually tells me everything,” Juliette explains, her eyes darting back to Adam knowing that he understands the insinuation behind her words. “But he’s only painted the best picture of you.”

“That’s good to hear. Want to try to make a good impression, y’know?”

“Totally understandable.”

Their conversation is interrupted by Adam’s dad calling everyone over to their outdoor dining table, ready to serve dinner. And as they all take their places, Juliette finds herself sitting next to Elsie and right across from Adam and Betty. Which means that all throughout dinner, Juliette is forced to watch the two of them.

She has to watch Adam with his arm so casually thrown over Betty’s chair, has to watch his head occasionally dip down to kiss her. She has to sit through a dinner filled with everyone talking about Betty and Adam: about their house in Winnipeg, about their golden retriever Banks, about their life together. An entire life separate from the world of this little Calgary lakeside neighborhood.

A life completely separated from her.

And when Juliette listens to Adam, hears his whispered words to Betty that float over to her on the late summer breeze… they sound so similar to the words that he whispered to her those early mornings, safe beneath her sheets.

Sometimes, Juliette focuses her attention onto Betty, watching as she effortlessly becomes a part of the moment, how she is so at ease with Adam’s family, and how she manages to make even Elsie and Evan laugh. And how in love she is with Adam.

Dinner ends as the night cools and after a few more drinks and a little more conversation, Juliette finds herself walking out the front door with Evan and Elsie close behind, catching a ride back to her apartment with them instead of Adam. For obvious reasons.

And it’s only a few moments until Juliette is curled up in the backseat of Elsie’s convertible, the night air chilling her to the bone as she watches the scenery pass her by, only slightly listening to the conversation being had by Elsie and Evan in the front. Until she hears Adam’s name.

“So, Adam’s girlfriend. What do we think?” Elsie probes, her question dancing on the air.

“She pretty cool. Although it seems kind of weird that this is the first time we’re meeting her but it feels like she’s already met Adam’s family,” Evan muses.

“Yeah, but that’s probably because they go to Winnipeg more than we do. Most likely they met her there along with the rest of Adam’s Winnipeg friends.”

“So, we’re just the less important hometown friends?”

“Well, maybe you are, Evan,” she teases before her twin brother smacks her arm. Juliette can’t stop the smile that tugs at her lips at their antics, a smile that is matched by Evan as he turns to face her.

“What do you think, Julie?”

“About you being less important? I suppose it’s debatable,” she laughs, joining in on Elsie’s teasing.

“No,” Evan says rolling his eyes, still hating whenever the two of them team up against him. “What do you think about Betty?”

Juliette’s smile falters slightly as she turns her eyes back out into the dark forest surrounding the street.

“She seems really nice,” she offers quietly, her voice almost lost to the wind. Juliette can hear a small hum emulate from Evan before he returns to face forward.

The conversation ends there, the rest of the ride to her apartment silent except for the thanks she gives Elsie and Evan when they arrive.

And when she collapses into her bed that suddenly feels too big for just her, she turns towards the empty side, picturing Adam next to her.

The next thing Juliette registers is her jolting awake from a deep sleep, with the feeling of bile building in her throat, the early morning light filtering through her windows.

She didn’t remember falling asleep. She had no recollection of when she finally drifted off after hours of tossing and turning. But she did remember her dream.

She was standing in her bedroom, separate from her body, watching over the scene like a fly on the wall. Her body was in her bed and Adam was next to her, facing her, that gentle expression on his face as he looked into her eyes. His hand brushed the hair away from her face and Juliette could hear him whisper those sweet words; telling her that she was the only one he wanted, telling her that he loved her.

Juliette watched as he leaned in to kiss her, his hand tangling in her hair, pulling her body close.

It was a familiar scene, one that had played out almost every night they were together in the past two months. But as Juliette continued to watch, the scene began to shift. The body lying next to Adam starts to change: her curls straighten, her dark hair begins to lighten, the freckles on her skin disappear. And when Adam breaks the kiss, the girl below him isn’t Juliette.

It’s Betty, looking up at Adam with her beautiful brown eyes.

Juliette couldn’t look away, watching as Adam brushes back her blonde hair before whispering that he missed her. That two months away from her felt like torture. That he thought he would die if he didn’t have her in his arms.

The same thing he told Juliette that first morning.

She watched the soft smile break across Betty’s face and Juliette had to watch as Adam leaned in, kissing Betty once again.

Juliette’s hands rub across her face, attempting to scrub the dream from her mind. But she knows it is an impossible task, knows she will never be able to forget it.

That dream was a sharp shock back to reality, an upfront confrontation of the situation she found herself in. The situation that she had perpetuated.

This was what Adam was doing to her. This was what they both were doing to Betty.

Adam’s girlfriend was no longer a face on the screen. Her name was no longer something said in passing. She was here. She was real. And the truth would destroy her.

But what was the truth?

Was it the life that Adam and Betty had built together in Winnipeg? Or was it every moment that he and Juliette shared?

Juliette had believed Adam meant every word that he said to her. Back then, when this whole affair first started, she had to believe it. It was the only hope she could hold on to. But she never stopped to think that perhaps that was all it was – hope.

Enough to sustain her but not enough to feed her. No where close to what she actually needed in order to survive.

That voice in the back of her mind – the one that had been silenced as the summer went on – was back in full-force now, screaming at her. Telling her that this would be a disaster, no matter who Adam chose.

If he chose Juliette, Betty would be devastated. The life that she had built in Winnipeg would be destroyed and was Juliette that heartless to not feel a shred of sympathy for the girl whose life she was complicit is ruining?

But if he chose Betty…

Juliette pushes the voice back, silencing it before it could expand on that possibility. Because that couldn’t be real. Adam couldn’t take back everything he had said to Juliette, he wouldn’t. And call her selfish, call her a bitch, call her whatever you wanted to, but Adam was hers.

And he would prove it to her.

Betty was here, in person. Adam could talk to her face-to-face. It was exactly what he had told Juliette to wait for, to be patient for. And the universe blessed them by allowing the moment to happen here, in Calgary where Juliette was, instead of in a city two provinces away.

All Juliette had to do was wait a little longer. And then Adam would be hers. Completely.

Just like he promised.

3 days later

She’s gone. Can I come over? Message received July 30th at 5:28pm

Door’s unlocked. Message sent July 30th at 5:36pm

Juliette hears her front door open and it takes all her willpower not to move from her spot on her bed. She hears Adam lock the deadbolt before his assured footsteps move through her apartment towards her bedroom. It only takes a minute until he appears in the doorway, his eyes landing on Juliette sitting on top of her sheets, back against the pillows.

The way his face softens when he sees her makes Juliette’s heart flutter and before she can blink, his long strides cross her room until his shins hit the edge of her mattress. Adam leans forward, his hands reaching out and Juliette feels his callused fingers wrap around her ankles. A gasp is torn out of her mouth as Adam grips her tight, pulling her down the bed towards him. His broad body covers her and he crashes his lips onto hers, throwing her legs around his hips.

Juliette’s reaction is instinctual, following Adam’s lead, legs pulling his hips down to hers, her hands coming to tangle in his hair. The kisses that pass between them are fierce, desperate, and Juliette can feel the desire pouring from Adam as his hands constantly move across her frame.

They move in-sync, bodies rolling against one another as Adam’s lips drift away, moving to her neck as his hands sneak under her t-shirt. Small moans are all that Juliette can muster as Adam’s lips continue to move across her skin, the feeling of his touch after three days of no-contact making her head spin.

A sharp gasp rips from Juliette’s chest as Adam gently bites her throat before moving over the slight indents, marking her. Claiming her once again.

But was she his to claim?

That thought is what jolts Juliette back to the issue that still lingered unresolved between them. The issue of Adam’s girlfriend. And the remembrance of Betty – of her blonde hair and deep brown eyes – crashes over Juliette like a cold morning dip in the lake, dousing the fire of passion that had been steadily building.

“Adam,” she says, her voice a little breathless. Adam does not stop, his lips still moving against her skin and Juliette tries not to get lost in the feeling. “Adam,” she tries again, placing her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to push him away. “Adam! Stop.”

Juliette finally manages to shove Adam off her, her eyes connecting with his as she takes in his puzzled stare, his hands dropping down to rest on her hips as he remains standing over her. The way his hair is mussed and how his pupils are blown wide causes an ache in Juliette that she silences, keeping it at bay until she has the answers that she needs.

“Is it over?” she asks him, propping herself up on her elbows, staring him down.

“Is what over?”

“You and Betty. Is it done?”

Juliette watches as Adam’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, his mouth opening and closing like a fish and his reluctance is what causes Juliette’s frustration to take over.

“Jesus Christ, Adam did you break up with her or not?” she snaps, pushing Adam’s hands off her body as she sits upright, Adam retreating a few steps back, either in shock or politeness, giving her space. The answer seems to be shock when Adam speaks again.

“What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean ‘what am I talking about’? She was here, Adam. You were face to face with her. You could breakup with her in person. Isn’t that what you were waiting for?”

“Jules,” Adam starts again, moving back towards his, his hands outstretched. “I –”

“No,” Juliette says, lifting herself up off the bed and placing a hand on his chest, stopping his forward momentum. “You don’t get to avoid this. Did you or did you not break up with her?”

Juliette can feel Adam’s chest raise under her palm in a sigh, his eyes turning away from her to stare out the window. The pause continues to stretch between them and because of that, because of how long it is taking Adam to tell her the truth, Juliette already knows what the truth is before he says it.

“I couldn’t do that to her.”

However, even though she knew those were going to be the words he spoke, it didn’t mean they hurt any less.

“Why not?” Juliette asks, feeling the cracks in her heart start to form as she stares at Adam, trying to decipher his expression, trying to see into his mind and find out what he was thinking.

“Because… she was only here for a weekend. And if I told her, she would have had to go back to our house and pack up and do that all herself. Jules, it would be cruel.”

“Oh, so you want to hold her hand through it all?” Juliette scoffs and it’s her anger that pulls Adam’s eyes back to her. “What makes you think she would even want you around? Maybe, if you broke up with her, she would welcome the distance. Especially when you told her about me and you.”

“She can’t know.”

“She can’t know what?”

“She can’t know I’m breaking up with her because of you.”

“Because of me?” Juliette asks, her voice incredulous and it is only then do the floodgates open. “Oh, okay, so, this is my fault now?”

“Jules, you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Adam tries to explain taking another step towards her but Juliette holds up her hand again while taking a step away from him.

“No, no, I see how it is. I’m the one that lead you into temptation and now I’m the one demanding that you break up with your girlfriend. Is that right?” Juliette rants, the tears building steadily, her voice getting thick.

“Jules – ”

“Because she’s all yours. She’s the one you want. You would die if you didn’t have her, right? Because it’s always been Betty. Hasn’t it?”

There is a pause as Juliette lets her words sink in, lets Adam register and recognize them. The words that he whispered in this same bedroom every morning he woke up here. And when Juliette sees that realization wash over Adam’s face, she doesn’t even try to stop the small satisfied huff of laughter that escapes. Even though it ends up sounding more like a sob as the tears finally start falling down her freckled cheeks.

“Or is that me? Are those the things that you told me? Back when you promised that all I had to do was be patient and then you would be mine completely,” she continues, not bothering to brush the tears away. “You think that breaking up with Betty is cruel? What do you think this is? What do you think about what you’re doing to me?”

Juliette holds Adam’s stare, almost forcing him to look at her, to see how much he was hurting her. She wanted him to know there was no hiding from this, there was no running from this. This is what he did and now he had to face it.

“You can’t have both of us, Adam. If you want me the way you’ve said that you want me, then you have to choose me. Because I can’t do this with you anymore.”

The ultimatum hangs in the air, awaiting Adam’s response and Juliette hangs with it. She watches as Adam tears his eyes away from her, his head ducking down in defeat. He speaks again, his voice so soft that under any other circumstance, Juliette might be straining to hear him. But the words he says ring loudly throughout the room, ricocheting right into her chest and shattering her already fragile heart.

“I’m sorry Jules but… I can’t. Not right now.”

The words cut like a shotgun shot to the heart and she collapses back onto the edge of her bed, the hurt clearly painted on her face. She continues to look at him, hoping he would glance up and maybe take back his words. But when he doesn’t – when Adam’s eyes stay locked to the wooden floor, she finally tears her own eyes away from him, pushing back the tears that were still coming.

“Then get out. Get out of my house. Get out of my life,” Juliette chokes out, trying desperately to put as much malice behind the words as she could. “I never want to see you again.”

The room is silent for a moment until Juliette hears Adam move and the sound of his footsteps retreat, the distance between her and him growing further and further with every step. She listens to the sound of them fading, his departure finally punctuated by the echo of her front door closing.

And when that sound hits her eardrums, that’s when the rest of her strength gives out and Juliette’s head collapses into her hands, the tears now falling freely. She sits there and weeps; she doesn’t know how long for. She just cries until the tears are gone, until she feels like she has properly mourned the loss.

The loss of everything she could’ve had.

The loss of everything she never really had to begin with.

In the aftermath, Juliette attempts to heal. Attempt being the opportune word.

It is difficult, one of the worst breakups that she had ever experienced. Even though she didn’t know if this could even be classified as a breakup. What was it called when you lost someone who was never actually yours?

Still, the lack of definition didn’t dull the pain. In fact, it just exacerbated it. Her heart felt like it was cut open and she had to try to stich it back together. She had to sweep up the ashes of the once blazing passion that had now been extinguished. She had to try and move on.

But moving on was easier said than done. Especially when Adam’s ghost came back to her every night and every morning, she swore that she could still taste him on her lips. It became so bad that eventually she would just lie in bed staring at the ceiling fan, picking apart everything; every word spoken to her, every interaction they shared to see if there was an indication that this would be the inevitable conclusion, until sleep finally overtook her.

She spends days alone in her apartment, drinking every bottle of wine that she owned trying to erase Adam from her mind.

She ignores messages from friends, inviting her out to parties and hangouts because she knew there was a possibility that Adam would be there. And she wasn’t strong enough to face him without being pulled back into his inescapable gravity.

But the solitude doesn’t help either. Because in the silence contained within her apartment walls, all Juliette had was her thoughts. And her thoughts are anything but kind.

They were filled with the memories of Adam and her. They were filled with the knowledge that Adam is going to go back to Betty. It makes her sick to think of Adam holding Betty close, of him never telling her about what he did this summer, about Adam lying to her face and Betty being none the wiser.

But it also makes her sick to think about Adam holding Betty to him and continuing to build a life with her. Leaving Juliette and everything he promised her behind.

Juliette’s distance is eventually noticed and one day, Elsie and Even show up on Juliette’s doorstep, demanding to know what was going on.

And Juliette tells them everything. Everything.

She is terrified that they would judge her, criticize her for willingly going along with something so immoral for months. But they don’t. Perhaps it was because they felt sorry for her. Perhaps it was because they understood that while she carried some of the blame, she was more so an accomplice rather than the perpetrator. Perhaps it was because it was easy to blame the man that had only reappeared after eight years of absence rather than the friend that had been by their side for almost thirteen years.

Whatever the reason, they threw themselves into helping Juliette heal.

It felt like high school again; sleepovers at each other’s houses, staying up all night watching terrible movies, talking until the sun came up. Going to parties together and staying by each other’s sides for the entire night. And whenever they corralled Juliette out of a party early, she knew in the back of her mind it was because Adam had shown up. But she didn’t mind because it meant that they were watching out for her. And for that she was thankful.

There were still times where Elise drank a little too much, the alcohol loosening her tongue as she trashes Adam, cursing him for what he had done. And Juliette has to stop herself from defending the man that broke her heart. But those moments were few and far between.

Juliette never pushed away Elsie or Evan’s support, regardless of whether or not they saw things differently. Because without them, she was certain she would still be waking up alone, hungover and heartbroken.

However, while Elsie and Evan were a great help, Juliette was learning to heal without them.

At one point, Juliette started to drive to lakeside alone, late at night. It was there where she stood out on the shore, watching the moonlight ripple over the still water. Sometimes she would dive in, letting the late summer waves wash away any lingering heartache.

It was there that her examination of her relationship with Adam and the words he had said to her yielded a harsh truth; she had never known him. Nostalgia and lust twisted Adam into someone he wasn’t. When he was lying next to her, twisted in her bedsheets, he was an angel, washed pure by the flame he had ignited within Juliette.

That was the reason losing him hurt so much. Because in that moment, on that day in July, he told her exactly who he was. And the illusion had shattered.

Some nights, she wished he remained unknown to her.

Some nights, she wished he never came back into her life.

That way she could’ve kept the memory of the sweet boy from high school. The one who was assigned the seat next to her in homeroom because their last names were only a few letters apart. The one who welcomed her into his friend group without hesitation. The one who quickly became her best friend.

The person she fell in love with all those summers ago.

But that wasn’t who he was anymore. And so, Juliette finally learned to let the fantasy go.

August slipped away.

And so did Adam.

The strong knock on Juliette’s door pulls her attention away from the oven filled with sweet potato fries. She glances at her watch, confused that Elsie had arrived almost an hour earlier than she said she would. But Juliette shrugs, moving from the kitchen to the entryway, ready to let her in.

Maybe it was a good thing that Elsie was early. After all, based on how this season of the Bachelor was going, Juliette thought that it might be a good idea for the two of them to chug a glass of wine before even starting the finale.

Juliette doesn’t bother looking through her peephole, unlocking the door and swinging it open. But when she sees the silhouette of the person standing on her doorstep, she realizes that she should’ve at least double-checked to see who was standing outside.

Because standing there on the other side of her threshold… was Adam.

The man that she hadn’t seen or interacted with in almost two months.

“Can I come in?” he asks, the baseball cap perched on his head, his piercing blue eyes peering out from underneath the brim.

Juliette knows that the right thing to do would be to slam the door in his face. She told him that she never wanted to see him again and he had done a good job at disappearing from her life, just like she asked. But now he was back, standing on her doorstep, asking to be let in.

And before Juliette can think better of it, she’s stepping to the side, a silent invitation for Adam to enter her apartment.

He accepts, walking in and taking off his hat, his hand coming to run through his hair as he takes in the scene of her living room.

“The Bachelor?”

“Yeah, the season finale is tonight,” she explains, closing the door behind her, her eyes never leaving Adam’s frame.

“Expecting someone else?” he asks, vaguely pointing to the bottle and two wine glasses perched on her glass coffee table.

“Elsie.”

Adam’s reply is a hum as his eyes continue to dart around the room. It isn’t until now that Juliette realizes that he has yet to look at her.

“What are you doing here Adam?” she asks, crossing her arms in front of her, the sharpness of her voice finally pulling Adam’s attention to her. She hates the way her heart still lets out a small flutter at the sight of his expression softening as his eyes land on her.

“I just want to say that I was wrong. For not doing exactly what you asked me to.”

“What do you – ”

“I’m going to break up with Betty,” he says, cutting off her question. The words are uttered so fast that it takes a moment for Juliette to fully register them. And when she does, she can feel her expression twist from confusion to disbelief. Adam reads her reaction before continuing.

“I go back to Winnipeg in a week and as soon as I’m there, I’m going to tell her it’s over.  But I just wanted to tell you first.”

“Why?” Juliette asks, feeling her heart start to pound in the anticipation of receiving Adam’s response.

“I was hoping that…” he starts, his words stilted and awkward as his gaze reverts to darting around the room. Juliette watches as he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as if he was readying himself to say the words he was about to speak. His eyes return to hers and Juliette can feel her breath catch in her throat at the fierce determination in his gaze.

“I still feel the same way that I did about you, Jules. You’re the only one for me and I’m sorry that I made you wait so long to hear me say this. I never wanted to hurt anyone but because of that, I ended up hurting you. I promise I’ll never leave you again.”

Every sentence, every declaration is punctuated by Adam taking a step towards her and Juliette doesn’t retreat, doesn’t move. Just lets him continue his steady approach until his hands are resting on her hips, holding her close.

“I want all of you, Jules,” he whispers, leaning down to press a kiss into the crown of her head. “My beautiful Jules.”

It was everything that Juliette had wanted to hear, everything she waited for during those three months of sneaking around, of stolen moments and pretty lies. And perhaps if the two of them were still back there, back in the heat of June, back at the beginning of summer with all it’s hope possibility, perhaps Juliette would take him back.

But now, in the September chill… it was too little, too late.

“Let go of me, Adam,” she whispers, keeping her body stiff in his hold. She doesn’t relax until she feels Adam’s hands withdraw and it is only when she feels the space between the two of their bodies widen that she looks up at him.

“I don’t – I don’t believe you,” she says and as soon as the words hit Adam, Juliette can see the distance appear in his eyes. There is still a small part of her body that aches as she can see the defeat wash over him but she continues, not willing to let him strip away the strength that she found in his absence. “I can’t trust you, Adam. And there’s no way I can know that you mean what you say. Especially when you’re in another city, a thousand kilometers away.”

Juliette lets her words linger in the air between them, willing Adam to listen to her, to understand how he hurt her the last time he was in her apartment, when he went back on the same exact promise. The pause lasts for a minute or two before a small sigh falls from Juliette’s lips.

“I can’t go through this with you again.”

The rejection feels like a slamming door, shutting out any lingering warmth from a summer love that seemed so real. But even though it hurt and even though there was still a part of Juliette that wanted to chase the sun and bask in its light for a little while longer, she knew that if she did, she would just get burned.

Both her and Adam stand there, appraising each other and she knows that one of them is going to break first, one of them is going to take back the words just spoken. But it wasn’t going to be her. Maybe she used to be willing to give up everything to keep him close – because even though it would hurt, she would get to wake up next to him every morning – but she couldn’t do it now.

Finally, Adam sighs, understanding that he lost the battle.

“I understand,” he says, moving towards the front door, passing by Juliette with a brush of his arm against hers.

But unlike the last time Adam left her apartment, Juliette turns to watch him leave. Her eyes track his movement to the front door, watching as he swings it open. But before he steps out into the autumn evening, he looks back at her and Juliette can see the ocean waves of sadness in his blue eyes.

“Jules,” he whispers. There is an exquisite pang that echoes through the chambers of her heart at the nickname, the nickname meant only for her. A name that she will most likely never hear again. “I’m sorry.”

“I am too.”

Her words are the final sentence spoken, Adam walking out and closing the door behind him. And Juliette expects that seeing him leave would hurt just as much as it did the last time.

But it doesn’t.

I think about us a lot. I don’t know if it’s the end of the chapter and you’ll return later on or it’s the end of the story. But I love you. I miss you. I’m sorry this is the way it became.

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[kinnbig]

oh my god, tell us more (about the arm tankhun fake dating fic in your head), please! :D

OKAY so the concept is. about 6 months post-canon, the main and minor families are invited to the destination wedding of one of their allies from a hugely powerful mafia family - it's a few nights staying on a private tropical island, and as a respect/trust/hospitality thing, it would be considered really inappropriate for guests to bring more than one or two bodyguards per group.

so Tankhun is like “well then obviously I can’t go?” because while he is now much better at leaving the house, he’s not quite ‘get on a plane and fly to a random island for several days of intense socialisation with incredibly dangerous near-strangers without a single Trusted Bodyguard’ levels of better.

he’s talking to Chay about it and Chay's like “yeah, it's kind of fucked up that everyone gets a +1 but not a bodyguard. how would anyone even know if your +1 was your bodyguard?!” and Tankhun's like “.....Chay you're a genius. Arm, I need you to be my wedding date.”

commence the fake dating shenanigans! they ‘reveal’ their secret, long-term relationship to the entire family, and then they’ve got to pretend to be a couple in front of everyone while Arm actually works as Tankhun’s bodyguard. as the only other person who knows their relationship isn’t real, Chay is helping to mastermind the entire operation. what Chay also knows is that Khun does actually have very real and Not Fake feelings for Arm - and you can be sure he’s going to be a menace about it.

luckily, Khun is being just as much of a menace in return - the wedding is the first time Kim and Chay have been in the same room since… well, everything, and Tankhun has watched them both silently pine for each other for long enough. background KimChay reconciliation era my beloved!

and so the usual fake dating antics ensue! lots of pining… plenty of acting out intimacy while wishing it was genuine… Chay putting them in so many Situations… lines slowly blurring between what is part of the act and what is real… and. obviously. there was only one bed.

🥰 thank u so much for indulging me, i love talking about blorbos from my shows and my silly story ideas for them! i came up with this with @aikinn and @thewholedamnboulangerie during some kind of group astral plane projection, which makes it especially delicious as they always have the best and most objectively correct Tankhun takes 💪

my brain is currently on 24/7 armtankhun lockdown soooo if u have thoughts about Them… pls… i would like to eat them…

[hopeful-kath]

I don't care if it takes 1 year, i don't care if it takes 5 years, i don't care if it takes 10 years i am never giving up hope of a new breakable heaven update, NEVER

[evermqrenthusiast]

all of the most amazing zukka fics i have ever read have been stuck at chapter 9. i've decided to call it The Chapter 9 Curse