The second band I am sharing with everyone is the one & only Dream Machine.
Dream Machine is a musical tour de force that is currently based out of Tennessee, USA (although the band formedĀ in Austin, Texas - granted, Matthew & Doris Melton have traveled far and wide to say the least). Thereās just as much that could be said about the creative force behind Dream Machine (Matthew & Doris Melton) as there is to be said about the music itself.
Dream Machine (which is an outstanding name in itās own right) is a band that manages to capture sounds reminiscent of 1960ā²s & 1970ā²s rockĀ ānā roll all-the-while maintaining a modern flair that seems to transcend the barriers of time (in terms of sound & creativity). I decided to post the music video forĀ āRun Of The Millā which is trippy (and oh-so-Rad), but more importantly, is an outstanding song (as is basically all of Dream Machineās music from what Iāve heard).
I highly recommend checking outĀ āThe Illusionā &Ā āBreaking The Circleā - both albums are available online at Matthew & Dorisā Youtube Channel (which provides plenty of other topics the bandmates present) and you can totally listen for free before you buy their stuff. To say Matthew & Doris are no stranger to controversy would be putting it modestly - from the bandās interview on television after having been dropped from their record label (at the time) due to their remarks on immigration & feminism - to the band taking a stand against the toxic eco-system of social media (i.e. Facebook and the like) and the negative implications that social media perpetuates in bringing out the worst behaviors in society in this modern-day era.
Despite what one would or would not think (and/or say) about Matthew & Doris Melton - there is no denying the musical power behind Dream Machine.
The first song I had ever heard from this band wasĀ āI Walked In The Fireā which is an outstanding song, from an outstanding album. Upon further listening, āThe Illusionā overall proves itself to be a superb album - even though I think I may actually like āBreaking The Circleā slightly more (hahaha).Ā
Dream Machine is hypnotic with buzzing rhythms & melodic espionage. The guitar work is exceptionally executed (especially the tasty harmonies & solos) and the keyboard/piano/synth work is from another world (almost hauntingly fluid), while the vocals seem to, at times, echo from the mountains.
Whether you agree or disagree with their views on feminism or politics or even video games, Matthew & Doris are very good people who have hearts of gold and itās undeniable how much this band has raw talent. I truly look forward to the day when I get to see them LIVE! (TOTALLY) So, check our their music because itās definitely worth a listen and has much more authenticity and drive behind it than a lot of other sounds Iāve come across these days. I canāt wait to see this band live - Oh yes - it will happen hahahaha. Happy listening.
The URL made me think this roleplay was about The Secret Circle. Also, for some reason your theme made me think this roleplay was one to be considered as a top notch one. And that's probably because this theme was used so many times in the past when TVD/Glee/Crossover roleplays were big, that I don't know, I guess now whenever someone uses that theme I just get the vibe that this is one of those crossover roleplays and that this is like one of those middle roleplays, that roleplayers who just got through with their first roleplay their character took a big part in go to wanting more of a challenging roleplay. So the theme in my opinion is ehh. Color scheme is standard, though the pink font is new. I don't really know how I feel about that.
= 5/10
PLOT
I have a few problems with your side plot. Here it is below, and I'll bold the problems I have, then explain why below the plot.
John Blackwell, the name of everything evil, had taken everything from them.
He had murdered their parents as viciously as he possibly could, leaving there bodies in sickening positions, exposed their secret, ran them out of their once peaceful homes with a mob of angry townies, and shattered any little hope that they had left of a normal life.
\Weeks later, Sheriff Forbes found them camping on the outskirts of Mystic Falls and invited them to stay at the old boarding house near Wickety Bridge.
They've had their fair share of supernatural occurences, but never have they dealt with vampires, werewolves, originals or hybrids.
Secrets will[ ]unleashed and friendships will be tested. Welcome to Breaking the Circle. Some will be lost and some will be gained.
Every single "Their" "They" "They've" "Them":You failed to explain who are they. TSC fans such as myself know exactly who you're talking about, but potential roleplays who haven't watched TSC have nodea who you're talking about. Before you even use the pronoun "they" you need to explain who "they" are first. You could replace the first "them" you use with the Circle, so the sentence will read:
John Blackwell, the name of everything evil, has taken everything from the Circle.
The First "had": Reads wrong. It should be changed to 'has'.
The Second "had": Is not needed. You can delete that word all together.
The "there" in the First Sentence if the Second Paragraph: You used the wrong "there" in that paragraph.Ā ThereĀ is like when you're telling someone to get something somewhere. For instance, "The box is over there." It could also be used as an introduction to a noun/clause such as "There is something strange going on here."Ā The right word to use in your paragraph is the word "Their" which is a plural possessive adjective, used to describe something as belonging to them. So the sentence should read:
"...leaving their bodies in sickening positions..."
The Second Comma in the First Sentence in the Second Paragraph: Should be a period instead. Break that run on sentence into two different sentences so it will read:
He murdered their parents as viciously as he possibly could, leaving their bodies in sickening positions. He exposed their secret, ran them out of their once peaceful homes with a mob of angry townies, and shattered any little hope that they had left of a normal life.Ā
Little: The word "little" in the following sentence isn't needed:
"...and shattered any little hope that they had left of a normal life."
That: Not needed in the sentence above. Sentence should read:
"...and shattered any hope they had left of a normal life."
Of: Should be for instead of 'of' in the sentence above.
\: The little slash thing doesn't need to be there. In fact I have no idea why it's there.
Wickety: Should be Wickery, not Wickety.
occurences:Spelled wrong. Spell check is your best friend. The correct spelling is: occurrences.
[ ]: This is referring to the space in between the words will and unleashed. That space should have a word there, and that word should be "Be" so the sentence will read:
Secrets will be unleashed and friendships will be tested.
Unleashed: I don't believe this is the best word to use for the sentence that is stated right above this. Instead, I suggest trading the word with "revealed" so the sentence will read:
Secrets will be revealedand friendships will be tested.
And: If you make the change I suggested above, then to make the sentence flow better would be to remove the 'and' and add a period, breaking the sentence into two different sentences so it will read:
Secrets will be revealed. Friendships will be tested.
I suggest this because when writing, when you want to suggest a more intense feel, you aim for short, choppy sentences. So cutting the sentence in 2 will give a more intense vibe.
All in all, with my suggestions, the side plot should read:
John Blackwell, the name of everything evil, has taken everything from the Circle.
He murdered their parents as viciously as he possibly could, leaving their bodies in sickening positions. He exposed their secret, ran them out of their once peaceful homes with a mob of angry townies, and shattered any hope they had left for a normal life.
Weeks later, Sheriff Forbes found them camping on the outskirts of Mystic Falls and invited them to stay at the old boarding house near Wickery Bridge.
They've had their fair share of supernatural occurrences, but never have they dealt with vampires, werewolves, originals or hybrids.
Secrets will be revealed. Friendships will be tested. Welcome to Breaking the Circle. Some will be lost and some will be gained.
Okay, so now on to the full plot. I read through it, and saw some grammar errors, so make sure to read over it again and fix anything you see that needs to be fixed. Like I thought, this roleplay is indeed a crossover, and one with TVD & TSC. Not really that surprising since they are sister shows, books written by the same author, and have supernatural elements. While not really original aside from the fact that Blackwell ran the circle out of town to Mystic Falls, the plot is okay.
= 10/20
BIOGRAPHIES & FACE CLAIMS
Well, there aren't really bios. Which again, is expected with crossover types of roleplays like this. Instead, their are bulletins. So I'll give my opinions on those. Again, I saw many grammar erros, so I suggest going over your bios and checking for mistakes. The FCs are those that are very overused, considering it's the TSC cast, TVD cast, and then OC's from other popular shows/movies (such as Dianna Agron & Alex Pettyfer). I only saw some OCs that aren't on the overused side (such as Lyndsy Fonseca & some guy I've never seen before but I can't say his name cause you didn't provide the FC information). You didn't provide the FC information for some reason, and you really need that info since some people may not know who the FC is of a character they are interested in and can't gather gifs of them if they have no idea who they are.
= 7/20
GRAPHICS
Can't grade the graphics much. They are just simple gifs. I do like the first side bar image that has the title of the roleplay.
= 5/10
RULES & EXTRA INFORMATION
The rules are standard rules seen in about every roleplay aside from the rules about the supernatural elements in the roleplay, so they are fine. I see you have a rants tag, and I don't really see the point in that. Rants aren't to be seen on the main page of a roleplay. In the OOC blog, sure. But having it on the page can be seen as unprofessional to some. So avoid that. The gifs page is helpful, however it doesn't have to be a page. Instead, for each bio, put a little gif section to find gifs of the face claim at the bottom of the bios.
= 5/10
OVERALL, ADVICE,Ā WOULD I JOIN?
This roleplay seems like a work in progress. A lot can be done to improve it. Read over everything, add face claim info to the bios, maybe add more information to your bios. Just a lot can be done. Would I Join? No, I would not. The roleplay is a work in progress, plus it doesn't interest me enough to make me want to look through every single character to find one I like and would audition for.
It's over 1 M, so I can't post it. But I did make it my 2nd sidebar gif, so once you respond to my message I sent, I'll take it down. For others, please just ignore the Secret Circle gif I made on my sidebar.
