heyā¦ itās been a whileā¦
i donāt really talk about my personal life here, it feels kinda weird and uncomfortable tbh, but i still wanted to share a bit of whatās been going on these past monthsā¦ maybe iāll delete this later lol.
last time i updated here was back in august and omg so much happened. nothing āserious seriousā but it still hit way too hard on my emotional stability.
first thing wasā¦ i ended things with my boyfriend of two years. the breakup was kinda inevitable and even then, writing helped me not fall apart. it was like my safe place. honestly, the relationship had no future. weāre both adults and our plans for life were completely different. neither of us could really compromise without ending up miserable. all those nights i stayed up writing kinda softened the blow, so when it finally ended it didnāt hurt as badā¦ and yeah, thatās how it went.
and when i posted my last fics, the breakup was still super fresh. but then the real chaos hit. memories and old moments kept popping up, and yeah, he was my first for a lot of thingsā¦ while for him i was just āsomeone elseā in his life, which i always struggled with. still, iāve got pride so i didnāt beg or try to get him back.
but i was anxious all the time. i couldnāt write. couldnāt even open tumblr. my mind just went blank and i felt even worse for not being able to keep up with my projects. i honestly had zero energy to write.
thenā¦ i met someone. even tho i knew i wasnāt ready for anything. he opened up to me like i was some kind of safe space, but it turned out to be the opposite. now i can laugh but back then it was soā¦ sad. this dude literally had a double life. he had me blocked on his personal ig and only followed me on his work account. super creepy. and i made the mistake of posting a pic of us because he told me we were ātalking seriouslyā and weād āhave something in the futureā. after i posted it he just dropped me in the coldest way possible. i felt desperate. i donāt know if it was everything piling up or me not being stable enough to offer anything to anyoneā¦ believing his words too fastā¦ ignoring all the red flagsā¦ the way he was clearly hiding from something or someoneā¦ and then like three days ago i found out he has a girlfriend. it honestly destroyed me. iāve never felt something like that. i felt powerless because i know he lied to both of us.
but anyway, thatās the short version of everything thatās been going on. my birthdayās in 9 days and i hope i can get myself together soon. during the holidays i wanna try writing again.
sorry if this has mistakes or makes zero sense, iām still shaking while typing all this.
