Things I didn't Know Before Having a Baby
This is a short and sincere list of the things I didn’t know well enough until I had a baby, focused on the post-partum and newborn stage.
The list doesn’t necessarily follow an order and I tried to keep it simple but I had to add some details too.
Feel free to skip to the ones that are more important to you!
I saved the best for last when I talk about cloth diapers, and there are some coupon codes to save 40% and 50% on bamboo diapers from my favorite brand.
I would have a "period" that would last a month
Post-partum is something that not everybody thinks too much about while pregnant. That's okay, it's not our fault! We just spend a lot of our time overwhelmed by all the information we need concerning the baby, health, labor, and delivery. I just knew that I was going to have some sort of a "period" after delivering my baby after taking care of my sister during her post-partum, otherwise I would never have read any of this information or had a doctor instruct me. After having my first baby, I was expecting a regular period but then I noticed it was lasting longer than usual. My post-partum period lasted for about a month. It was pretty annoying since it was a heavy period and it would come and go very often. This kind of period is meant to clean all the residues of birth. Different than your regular period, it won't last 2-5 days, it may come and go for a month or so. The 5 days after delivery were the worst for me because of this period and all the pain of post-partum. Part of the pain comes from feeling contractions every time you nurse (or pump breast milk) once the uterus is coming back to its normal size and you will be recovering from all the work of bearing and delivering a child.
Breastfeeding is not that easy and natural as people told me
Different than what people told me before, breastfeeding didn't feel that easy and natural as I thought. Oh, yeah, I heard those stories too, that the baby already knew how to breastfeed and the mom didn't have to do much. But let's come down to the ordinary reality of things: breastfeeding is not easy! I heard it was very painful to nurse a baby, and I would wonder if that was related to the baby "biting" the nipple or because of suction. In my humble opinion, it can be both, but there's a lot more than those two things and I'll get to that point later. When my baby Miriam was born the nurses took her to clean her and do all the procedures they needed for a very short period of time, then the nurse brought her to me and we had our special bonding moment. The nurse had to take my baby back and do some other things that didn’t take very long either. Finally, she brought Miriam back so I could breastfeed her. My baby Miriam would latch on the nipple but not very well and the nurse was there with me to help out getting the right latch. It turned out that Miriam couldn't latch that great on my left breast but she did a good job on her second latch on my right breast. It didn't seem that hard with the nurse right there holding her and helping me out while breastfeeding for the first time for 20 minutes (which is just the perfect time for a newborn to breastfeed). Less than a few hours later I had to try it on my own, and the nurses told me to hold my baby like If I was carrying an American football ball. This position felt super weird but it was what they instructed me to do to help my baby get a good latch. It was a frustrating wrestle since I didn't know if my baby was really getting any milk, even though she seemed to latch correctly. The breastfeeding thing started to look stressful once I didn't have any experience with it. Now I understand that this whole confusion of trying to breastfeed Miriam was actually a problem of insecurity and all the lactation consultants instructing me in several different ways. Breastfeeding can be different for each mother since we don't carry the same genes or have the same predispositions. Our perception of pain may vary as well, but one thing is certain: breastfeeding feels different than anything you ever have experienced with your body. It is a new utility you haven't tried before! I wouldn't consider nursing a painful experience, but it is somehow uncomfortable once your nipples can get sore at first, the baby's suction demanding milk from the breast creates a pressure to release milk and when the breast gets full of milk it leaves you with a very strange sensation. Some people even feel angry when they have a letdown. Learning to breastfeed is frustrating. You and the baby are adapting to a new necessity, and moms can feel strange with the new task, and that may bring some insecurity. Feeling insecure is the worst thing because you know that your baby relies on you to provide all the essential nutrients that come from the breastmilk. For the first 2 months or so, I would constantly insist on breastfeeding Miriam above all else and feel like a failure very often. I was doing a good job but struggling with the uncertainty of not knowing if I was providing enough milk to her. I've learned the hard way that an oversupply of milk can also be a problem. By the third month, I was producing so much milk that she would struggle to nurse because of the milk's intensity coming out for the first minutes.
Pumping breastmilk could last an hour
First of all, I didn't even think about pumping before, once I thought it wouldn't be necessary. The sad truth is that pumping was one of the ways to stimulate my milk production and increase my milk supply. Once I embarked on the pumping thing for the first 2 weeks, I had to spend 25 minutes to even an hour pumping milk until I had enough to feed the baby. Part of the reason was that my milk supply wasn't that great yet.
My baby would breastfeed every 2 hours but it would feel like it was every hour
Newborn babies sleep, feed, pee and poop very often. So the first and second month were pretty much me changing diapers, breastfeeding, pumping and trying to live in between all these my tasks. Since I was pumping and nursing, it seemed I was doing one or the other all the time. Then, when I was exclusively breastfeeding, it felt like I was doing it all the time as well. I tried my best to follow a schedule based on her regular feeds and to keep her happy, fed and clean.
My baby would make me her pacifier
There was a time I spent a whole hour "breastfeeding" my baby and I had no idea why it was taking so long! Babies love to sleep after being fed, and the feeling of suction can be very calming for them. That's the reason why pacifiers were invented! After this experience, I would always make sure she's actually swallowing milk instead of just suctioning.
I would need more newborn size clothes than I expected
I trusted genetics and thought I would have a big and chunky first baby just like my siblings did, so I bought only 0-3 months clothes. Wrong choice! Miriam was born 6 pounds and 4 ounces and she lost 15% of her body weight after birth by the second day of life. All the 0-3 months clothes were very big on her and I had to go buy newborn clothes. It was a pain to run to the store after delivery to choose clothes! Her newborn clothes lasted until she was a month and a half old. I definitely recommend all moms to have at least 6 onesies and 2 outfits that are newborn size. Why? We run out of onesies pretty quickly because babies get dirty very often, especially during their newborn stage. Diaper blowouts happen a lot, it doesn't matter what kind of diaper you have.
My baby's poop would have petroleum color and be super sticky but not stinky
Somehow I thought my baby's poop would be very liquid and have a light color, but it did not. I was actually quite impressed that newborns have very dark poop that is so sticky, but it doesn't stink. Newborn's poop is meconium, which is the result of amniotic fluid, mucus and other things your baby ingested inside the womb, so it doesn't really smell.
The bad thing about it not having a smell is that we can't notice when the baby needs a diaper change. Just stick to the 8 -10 times diaper changes a day, and try to follow any signs that your baby is uncomfortable.
I wouldn't p-o-o-p for 3 days and it would be very painful to do it for the first time after delivery
Part of the reason we don't get to "go to the bathroom" for the first 3 days or so is due to the pain medicine we need to take during postpartum recovery. Doctors also prescribe soft gels to ease the process of going to the bathroom. Since the first time can be very painful, it's better to eat little as well as good and healthy foods to make your stool softer. By doing that, you will be fine!
All my hormones and sleep deprivation would make me think I'm crazy.
The fall of pregnancy hormones (estrogen and progesterone) takes you to what's similar to a very bad PMS, then sleep deprivation makes it worse because it steals your capability of doing things the way you're used to. Irritability is something quite serious at this stage. I guarantee that all moms suffer from irritability during postpartum. But I have good news too! Oxytocin comes to our rescue and makes us feel well and happy. You might overcome the irritability at some point. It's recommended to rest as much as possible to help you be functional again. Try to rest whenever your baby is asleep. More good news… Moms are trained during pregnancy (with uncomfortable nights and insomnia) to resist those restless nights and sooner or later we can get used to the new schedule.
I've found this very easy-to-understand article about Postpartum Hormones and Healing.
I would feel sad and isolated
You might think that it's pretty weird to feel sad and isolated when you waited for this moment and made plans for so long. But it's quite normal. In my case, I would feel sad whenever I felt overwhelmed, frustrated or insecure. Of course, those feelings are natural when you see yourself facing a new role that you can only learn by experience. I isolated myself at first, and I also felt isolated once I couldn't do the same things and interact with people the same way I used to. What worked for me was to find other moms, spend time with them and share experiences.
My life would be out-of-control for months
The sad truth is that we're never fully prepared to manage the new life as a parent and it can be very messy. Our whole schedule changes and we live on the baby's schedule until we can finally handle the mess and manage life the way we want. The baby would always be my priority and I would constantly forget my own needs. I would stay in my jammies for the entire day and try to find out when I could eat or go to the bathroom without making my baby cry. I was pretty much a prisoner of my own baby until I learned to let her cry. Babies cry and it is okay! They won't die from crying for 20-30 minutes.
Parenting would change the way I see my parents.
I know it sounds cliché, but it's true. Being a mom made me appreciate all the sacrifice my parents did for me and love them even more. I would never know how hard it is to take care of a baby if I haven't experienced it myself. It is a struggle and being a parent means a lot of self-sacrifice, love, and care.
I wouldn't even try the cloth diapers
If you're into cloth diapers like I was before having my baby I suggest you try disposable diapers at least for the first or even second month of your baby's life. Why? Because just taking care of your baby, a little bit of yourself, and everything else is already A LOT. So, as a good friend, I advise you to try a very sustainable disposable diaper for the first few months until you get the hang of taking care of everything you need and then prepare to clean and wash cloth diapers.
But if you're like me that will feel so overwhelmed that you won't even bother trying, that's okay too. You have other options that don't include so much more hard work.
There are many organic (green friendly) diapers out there, for example, Little Toes, Seventh Generation, Parasol, Dyper, The Honest Company and so on.
Note: Little Toes is one of my favorites because it has the best quality I've seen on diapers and now they are having a 40% off sale, you can even get 50% off through their website. Since I want to facilitate for you, here are the codes: BAMBOO (for 40% off) and BAMBOOHALFOFF (for 50% off).