Jul 11, 2017
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seen from Singapore
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i’ll beg you nice from my knees. and when the world treats you way too fairly...
“i want to tell you that i’m happy. that you girls have made me happier than i ever knew i could be -- than i ever hoped i would be. that i love this little family we’ve all carved out together. not just tyler and emory, not just ryan, but liam and chelsea and evan. and bryley and caleb and their seven -- are there actually going to be seven of them?! -- their seven children, too.
you girls will never be alone. never for one second will you ever be alone. and that has made all the difference. it means i know that i can do this. that you can do this, too. you’ll be okay. you are okay, i imagine. as you’re watching this. it’s okay... that i’m gone i mean. it’s okay.”
“hi, this is for my girls... all three of them. hello, lovelies. i don’t quite know where to begin... desi -- your father has let me name you, i hope you think that’s okay. desi, i put my picture above your crib so that you’ll never have to miss me. you can always remember my face smiling at you. watching over you. and you will always know that i love you.”
“my girls... i love you so.”
“i was alone as a child. i was alone and lonely and sad. so i never want that for you -- not a single one of you. you girls are so special. tyler and emory -- you’re so, so special. and desi... i haven’t met you yet, but i can’t believe how much i love you. i hope i get to hold you -- that’s my hope. that i get to hold you at least once. and i hope that you all smile, and laugh, and love, and never hurt. not for too long, not too much.
but if you do hurt -- that’s okay. chelsea will love you until it feels better. she’ll be the best mother in the world to you. to all three of you. i know because i’ve seen the way that she loves. it’s amazing and all encompassing. our situation was... complicated. but now i know how beautiful she is. and i know that you’re in good hands.
and ryan and liam. they’ll be the best fathers. it’s good that you’ll have two of them. it’s good. because they will be a little bit raw -- a little bit broken. they’re both so full of openness and hope and sunlight that when they lose me it will be a little dark for them. i know. but together they’ll be good men. good dads. and you’ll all be okay.”
“i want you to know that i’m not scared. and i’m not sad. that i’m just happy to have you. happy to have held you. happy to have known you for however long that i get to know you. tyler and emory... i want you to know that i love you more than anything in this world and that that’s why i had to do this. and i hope one day when you’re older -- you understand.
desi... i want you to know that this is not your fault. that i never regretted you, that i will never regret you. that if i could choose again and again, i would always choose you. and you would always be worth it. and no one will love you more fiercely than i love you.
ryan... you... you are the most wonderful man. you saved my heart. you changed my life. you gave me more than i ever imagined i could have and i love you. it tears me up inside how much i love you.
liam, chelsea... you’re the best friends i never knew that i could have. thank you. thank you, thank you, thank you. i love you both. i love... i can’t believe how much love i have and i give it all to you guys. if love could keep me alive, then i’ll see you when the baby’s born.
if it can’t... well, love’s saved me anyway. and oh, my girls, i love you so.”
doctor: “we have to go over the risks again, mrs. pearson. i have some forms i’ll need you to sign off on indicating that the hospital followed protocol.”