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Maybe A Strip Club Would Be Safer, Epilogue
***
“You know they’re never going to let us live this down, right?” Deeks asked conversationally, taking a bite out of a mango.
After their rather fantastic, and dramatic, takedown of Gael and Matteo, Margarita had called the policia. They appeared equally bemused by the whole situation, until Sam mentioned they were with NCIS, and showed the ID he’d brought with. Then the lead officer just seemed annoyed.
It had taken several hours to process everything, by which point it was mid afternoon, and well past their scheduled cave diving session. So after apologizing to Margarita for inadvertently ruining her day, they’d headed back to their hotel and then to the market for lunch, settling on the small back porch to eat.
“Who?” Sam asked.
Despite his claims that he was fine, a thin line of sweat coated his upper lip and appeared ever so slightly wilted. Actually, none of them were looking the best after the morning’s adventures. Callen sported several bruises, and Eric had somehow skinned his knees during his theatrics.
“Kensi, Nell, Anna. We’re going to get a healthy dose of “I told you so”, followed by them never letting us leave the county again.”
“Oh yeah, Nell is not going to be happy,” Eric agreed with a grimace.
“I thought you two were living in “domestic partnership”,” Sam commented slyly. “Why would Nell have a say in where you go?”
“Friends with benefits,” Deeks muttered into his hand, grinning when Eric squared his chin, trying to look unaffected.
“As my business partner, and very good friend, of course Nell has a vested interest in what happens to me.”
“Uh-huh. You keep telling yourself that, Beale,” Callen said as he finished off the rest of meat-filled sandwich that had Sam shaking his head in disapproval. “You know, there’s no reason why we have to tell are respective partners about this. Or any other family members.”
Deeks stared at Callen for a second, raising a sweaty eyebrow, and then he started laughing.
“Sure. Cause they won’t have heard about this little incident already,” Deeks drawled. He ran his hand through the air. “‘Three American Federal Agents and unknown business man involved in Mexican showdown.’ Kilbride will be livid.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about Kilbride.”
“He’ll think we went looking for trouble.”
“Hey, I’m a civilian contractor, he can’t do anything to me,” Eric spoke up, and Deeks patted him on the shoulder.
“Oh brother, if you think that, then you’ve clearly been out of the game way too long. He has a way of making everyone feel small and extremely foolish.”
“I was trying to forget.” Eric made a face.
“So, what do you want to do with our last couple days of freedom?” Callen asked. “I think we should probably stick to something closer to the city.”
“There’s always museums,” Deeks suggested, which earned him a disgusted look from Callen.
“Deeks, I am not going to a museum for the bachelor party I didn’t even want in the first place.”
“Well, I’m pretty we couldn’t run into too much trouble there. Of course, it is us.”
“Or, there’s still karaoke,” Eric reminded them, straightening up as Callen and Sam immediately began to protest. “No, hear me out. There will be drinks, food, and entertainment. What more could you ask for?”
“People who don’t sound like cats?” Deeks offered, not all that invested either way.
“Hey, I vetted this place personally. C’mon, guys. It’s gotta be better than sitting out here all night.”
“What the hell, let’s do it. But I’m gonna need a lot of beer. And if any pictures of my wind up online,” Sam decided, getting up to throw away the remains of his lunch.
“And this just became the best bachelor party ever,” Callen said, with a massive grin, which quickly transformed into innocence when Sam glared at him. Once Sam was out of earshot, the grin was back in place and he tucked his arms behind his head. “Ah, good thing I just upgraded the storage in my phone. He never said anything about videos.”
***
A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this ridiculous little story. Thanks for reading!
Cole via IG (18/03/2019)
Holding my head in both hands
"But why?...."
Maybe a Strip Club Would be Safer, Part 2
***
Deeks quickly noted that one man looked in his mid-40s with shoulder-length graying hair while the other seemed maybe early 30s with a short cap of black hair. He took a quick step back, intending to conceal himself in the bathroom long enough to figure out a plan. Unfortunately, the older gunman looked up before he’d full ducked inside, his mouth set in a uncompromising line, and raised his weapon from the region of Eric’s head to aim at Deeks.
Eric closed his eyes, and swallowed visibly, clenching his hand on top of the table.
Callen eyes flicked up at Deeks, his expression vaguely dismayed. Apparently he’d been counting on Deeks leading their rescue too.
“Get over here and sit down,” the man ordered in moderately accented English. His steady hand and glare indicated he wasn’t unfamiliar with guns.
Deeks looked to Callen again, who gave the slightest nod of confirmation, and then followed the directions, heading towards the table.
“Look man, I don’t know what’s going on, but we don’t want any trouble,” Deeks attempted, playing on the confused and slightly stupid American persona.
“No me engañarás. Sabemos que son agentes federales.”
Well, that wasn’t great news.
“Siéntate.”
“You’re right, we are federal agents, but we’re not here in an official capacity,” Sam spoke up in an even and sure tone that usually made people listen to what he said.
“Por supuesto que lo eres. ¿Por qué deberíamos creerte? Mientes para ganarte la vida,” the second man said. He laughed sharply, his eyes dark with malice. “Los vi arrestar a un amigo hace años. Nunca olvidaré sus rostros.”
“Because it’s the truth,” Deeks responded. “We’re here on a trip. Sin armas, sin insignias. Puedes comprobarlo por ti mismo.” Moving slowly, he held his arms wide, offering them the opportunity to check him. Hopefully, they wouldn’t think to look in his left boot.
The younger man walked around to Deeks’ back, and roughly patted him down, giving him a shove forward when he was done. Apparently they’d already searched the others or took Deeks at his word that none of them were carrying.
“Even if you you are not armed, I don’t trust you,” the older man said, gesturing for Deeks to sit once more. This time, Deeks listened. The man paused, then brushed his bottom lip, waving the gun a little carelessly. “Ok, so tell me why you would be in Mexico if it’s not for business.”
“For my bachelor party,” Callen answered with full irony.
“Oh, he things we’re stupid, Gael.” The older man flashed a sarcastic grin in Gael’s direction. “There are no resorts in this area.
“Actually, we were supposed to be going cave diving,” Deeks explained. “Which, might I add, I said was a terrible, terrible idea from the beginning.” He glanced between the two men. “Somehow I’m guessing we that you’re not keeping us here just for the the fun of it.”
“Deeks,” Sam cautioned.
“And more importantly, what are you planning to do with us?” Callen asked. “Even though we’re here as civilians, if we’re gone past our planned stay or don’t make it back to our hotel, people will start looking for us.”
“Yes, I have a friend who will be extremely angry if I don’t make it back to Hong Kong. And you really don’t want to see what happens when she gets angry,” Eric added, speaking for the first time.
“You’d be surprised how good we are at hiding things,” Gael said with a dark chuckle. “Matteo, we should leave now.”
“No, no los lastimes!”
They all turned as the young waitress hurried in from the kitchen. Deeks heard someone faintly hiss a caution, but she ignored it.
“Margarita, vuelve a la cocina. Este no es tu negocio.”
“¿O qué, me matarás a mí también?”
“Margarita—”
“No, Matteo! I am sick of watching you solve everything this way. They were not causing any problems and now you bring this into my restaurant.”
“They’re federal agents!”
“¡Y eres estúpido!”
Gael stalked to the middle of the room, raising his voice above Matteo and Margarita’s. Margarita for her part didn’t seem even remotely intimidated by the guns or threats.
Catching Deeks’ eye, Sam discreetly slid a knife off the table and onto his lap.
“Now is our chance,” he muttered, barely moving his lips.
“We gotta make sure she’s clear first,” Deeks whispered.
“That’ll be your job,” Callen decided. “Sam and I will take on those two.”
“What’s my job?” Eric murmured, without a hint of his usual outrageous behavior that normally came out in these types of situations.
“As another civilian, your job is to get out of the way and not get shot,” Sam informed him. “I meant it, Beale.”
“That hurts.”
“Fine, then you can be the distraction,” Callen said with a roll of his eyes.
“Enough!” Matteo shouted suddenly, firing a shot into the ceiling, causing a shower of plaster to rain down on them, and silenced further argument.
Sam gave Eric a sharp nod, and Eric stood suddenly so his chair slid back noisily.
“Oh, I don’t feel so great,” he forced between his teeth, face a picture of agony as he clutched at his stomach.
***
A/N: I’m trying to find the right balance of humor and light danger. I’m not sure if I managed that.
As always, my translations are from Google translate, so I know they’re not the best. If anyone would like to make them more authentic, I’d happily change it once I crosspost.
Translations
Get over here and sit down.
You can’t fool me. We know you’re federal agents. I saw you arrest a friend years ago and I will never forget your faces.
No gun, no badges. You can check for yourself.
Of course you are. Why should we believe you? You lie for a living. You two arrested a friend of mine years ago and I’ll never forget your faces.
No, don’t hurt them.
Margarita, get back in the kitchen. This is not your business.
Or what, you’ll kill me too?
And you’re stupid.
Cole via IG (19/03/2019)
FR
By this time next week, I'll be getting fucked up in Minneapolis.