#brother conflicts

[angelsdean]

Dean: I know. You didn’t, you didn’t think of it like that. ⤷ oblivious younger sibling Sam + not thinking before he speaks. 1.02 | 1.18 | 5.16

[angelsdean]

dean asking sam to explain why and how he’s so buddy buddy with ruby and what went on while Dean was dead and then Sam firing back nastily with “ok let’s trade stories. what happened in hell? Don’t spare the details” as if the two situations are in any way the same. Sam’s four months of grief is in no way on the same level as dean’s 40 yrs of gruesome torture. And sam is being cruel using that, knowing dean does not want to talk abt it, as a way to deflect so he can continue to keep his secrets abt the demon blood and his true relationship w/ ruby, bc he knows dean will drop the subject once he starts pressing him abt hell.

[angelsdean]

so far, sam's POV:

dean is belligerently drunk, not working the case at all while sam does all the heavy legwork and interviews.

dean is flirting with "some feisty little wildcat" that he's about to "reel in"

said woman is depicted as being "trashy" in sam's eyes, he's giving her Major judgy looks. the camera (Sam's eyes) "PAN up fishnet stockings and a tight miniskirt to reveal a sloppy drunk, heavily made up blonde girl"

starla is draped all over dean and then coughing and gagging as she struggles to hold down her liquor.

Dean then allegedly tells Sam she "has a sister" as if this is some porn fantasy. And this is SAM'S POV.

It's a deeply unflattering image that Sam paints, revealing a lot abt what Sam thinks of Dean and the women that associate with him. And Dean is quick to interrupt at this beat because that's not how it happened.

Now do I think Dean's perspective is wholly accurate and truthful too? No! The whole point is to show how people's limited perspective and biases will remember the same events differently. What happened is probably something closer to the middle of the two stories. Dean flirting with a pretty woman who is equally interested in him. Them having a good conversation. Sam working the case in a more traditional sense while Dean works the case the way he often does, playing up the charm and trying to get information organically through conversation rather than interrogation.

[angelsdean]

Another thing I love abt Dean fixing up Baby (and trashing again) is that the episode establishes that Dean's pretty much fixed up what was, in Bobby's words, a completely totaled and barely salvageable better-off-as-parts wreck in just ONE WEEK. They burn John's body, presumably right after his death, and then it's suddenly ONE WEEK LATER and Dean's pretty much got the entire frame looking new and is working on the internal stuff (which HELLO METAPHOR. the exterior of the Impala is looking good = Dean putting on a good front of being okay, while the interior of the Impala still needs work = Dean still (quietly) working through his own internal emotions)

Anyways the amount of work done on the car itself in such a short span of time is incredible (also gotta think some of that time was spent driving from where john died to Bobby's). And all that time Dean's working on the car he's alone with his thoughts. He's processing. Sam accuses Dean in this opening scene of "not doing anything" and not "bringing up dad once" and not being "angry" enough and not wanting to look for "revenge." He says Dean just spends all day "buried underneath this damn car" and acting like "nothing happened" but he doesn't seem to understand that working on a car and getting as much as he got done in just a week is 1.) being incredibly productive, and 2.) a deeply meditative task. Like just because Dean is not going to Sam with his grief and not outwardly expressing his feelings or showing himself actively working through them doesn't mean he's Not processing and dealing with things the entire time he's working on that car. The wreckage itself is a constant reminder of everything that happened, the crash, the hospital, John's deal. Dean IS thinking about it all, the entire time. But he's not grieving in the way Sam expects and that bothers Sam, so Sam feels the need to push and needle Dean into talking about it, which isn't Dean's style of processing things. He needs time and space.

And then at the end of the episode, after Sam admits that yeah, Dean was right about him, Sam is feeling guilty and avoiding his own grief, but Dean's been putting up a front about it too, it's then that we see Dean break, again with the Impala metaphor. Dean's been trying to put on a brave face for Sam in some ways, while also wishing to quietly process his grief on his own, because in part he's still being the protector older brother. He's still thinking take care of Sammy first and foremost, especially in the aftermath of John's parting words to Dean. But in that last scene we finally see the facade break, we see the fixed up exterior of the Impala break. We see Dean take a crowbar to the "I'm okay" facade and say, look! I am grieving! I am hurting! Here's me making visible what's been going on inside! Just like the guts of the Impala are still a mess, the interior still in the process of being repaired, while the exterior looked brand new, well now the exterior once again matches the car's internal state, and Dean's internal state.

Him and Baby are not okay yet, but they're getting there, they're working on it. And just like healing is a non-linear process, Dean (and Baby) looked okay for a while, now they're not okay, but Dean'll fix 'em up again.

[angelsdean]

dean watching sam with lori in the side-view mirror at the end of 1x07 and then saying "we could stay" to sam always gets me aughh. esp after the previous episode's "i wish you could be joe college" and the whole conflict of choosing to be outsiders and drifters as hunters VS the stability. permanence, and connection of civilian life. dean, despite representing the "hunters" side in these episodes keeps expressing these desires to stay / connect (and specifically wanting those things for sam), meanwhile at the end of both 1x06 and 1x07 sam chooses to reject connection to continue hunting / finding john / the Quest.

[angelsdean]

womp womp god this is just so funny. they were back to normal and then sam slips up and mentions knowing abt azazel bleeding in his mouth as a baby, a detail dean did not yet divulge from his time travel adventures, but oops yea, sam's known abt that for a yr he just failed to mention it. yet another secret sam's been keeping. which dean is just supposed to be so so chill abt and not feel like his trust has been broken yet again. though let's all remember when dean kept john's final words a secret for like, a month, and then finally told sam after sam poked and prodded sam immediately crashed tf out and took his anger out on dean instead of getting mad at john like he should have. but anyways.

[angelsdean]

The thing abt Dean saying "if I didn't know you I'd want to hunt you" is that it isn't abt the psychic powers.

1st of all, Dean's personal code of ethics (aka the one he develops separate from John's "a monster is a monster / shoot first ask questions later) is that a monster is anyone (human or otherwise) who preys on / hurts / kills innocent people. Back in s1 when Sam was first getting his psychic powers Dean continuously insisted that these abilities didn't make Sam bad or evil when Sam compared himself to Max in 1x14 Dean was quick to point out that Sam had never used his powers to hurt anyone. (We can argue that Max's father and uncle deserved what they got, but his step-mom is a gray area and she was a likely victim herself too). ANYWAYS. point is, Dean doesn't have an issue with the powers themselves. It's the secrecy + working with demons that's what Dean is worried about and finds dangerous. Because Ruby is manipulating him and Dean's been right abt that since day one despite Sam refusing to see the truth. And Dean has always been scared and worried abt what demons will try to use Sam to do. It's why Azazel was a threat and why Ruby is now dangerous too.

2nd, I don't think Dean is actually being honest when he says this quote. He's shaken up by what he's just discovered. He's upset and angry at Sam for lying and breaking his trust. He also was just told by Cas that he must stop Sam from going down this path or the angels will (and it's pretty clear that Cas means they will use whatever force necessary, including killing Sam). Which is....eerily similar to what Dean just went through in s2 when John made him promise to either save Sam from going dark or kill him. So with all those emotions and fears running through him I'm not surprised that he would say something like this to try and shake Sam into rethinking his actions. But do I think Dean would rush in and kill someone like Sam were he working a regular case and presented with the information he knows? Not really. Because so far all Sam's doing is exorcising demons and saving people. Dean doesn't yet know abt the demon blood aspect either. If he came across someone doing exactly what Sam is doing at this point in time, I don't think he'd shoot. He might keep digging. He might try to understand what's really going on. He would definitely try to get rid of the demon helper (Ruby). But I don't think he'd hunt the psychic until said psychic actually hurt / killed an innocent person.

[angelsdean]

This episode is just PEAK younger sibling VS eldest sibling.

In the flashbacks we see baby Dean bearing the brunt of all the burdens: keeping John's secrets from Sam, being the protector and first line of defense (gun under pillow), taking care of feeding Sam (goes out to buy cheap food), and making sure Sam still has a good christmas after Sam find out the truth abt monsters and when John doesn't show. Dean is just a kid himself but he is selfless and puts Sam first in everything. Even when Sam is worried and crying because "what if monsters get us. if they can get mom they can get dad or you or me." and you just know these are the exact thoughts that keep Dean up at night. And these are fears he's had to silently cope with for years. But Dean immediately makes sure to dispel these fears in Sam, saying whatever he can to make him feel better. This is peak eldest sibling behavior.

Then in the present, as adults, we have Sam throughout most of the episode refusing to do the one thing Dean wants. When dean first suggests they celebrate christmas Sam flat out refuses with a "no! just no." Then, when Dean later explains why he wants to celebrate christmas so badly this year--because it will be his last christmas ever--Sam doubles down on the No's, stating that he "just can't" because it would be too painful to pretend like everything's okay when dean will be dead by next year. Meanwhile baby dean was pretending everything was okay for Sam's sake every freaking day. And especially on christmas! Sam's blindness and obliviousness to all the sacrifices Dean's made for his sake his whole life is peak younger sibling behavior.

And yes Sam will change his tune by the end of the episode and give Dean the christmas celebration he wanted. But just, the fact that it wasn't immediate for Sam that this is what he should do, that he should just suck up his own feelings of pain for the sake of his brother, is just so oblivious younger sibling energy.