you, me, we, us
never ever have i ever felt so low
It was once upon a time that Tim would have gone to Dick to be comforted; for advice. To be held and reassured and, most importantly, loved. Times have changed, though, and Tim isn't a little kid anymore, idolizing his eldest brother and eager for the man's warm affection.
Oh, he loves Dick and knows Dick loves him too. They would bleed - die - for each other without a moment's hesitation. They're family, and nothing will ever change that. But when Dick made Damian the center of his world, his new little brother, his Robin, Tim turned away and found sanctuary somewhere else.
Tim realized he had another brother he could depend on. A brother who wanted to be counted on, even if his sometimes brisk attitude, the harsh syllables of replacement dancing on his tongue, made it seem otherwise.
"So what's up, kid?" Jason asks, bringing Tim back to the present.
He glances up at Tim as he dumps the two packets of sugar in his cup. He stirs the warm, brown liquid with a spoon before bringing the cup up to rest against his lips. Taking a sip, not bothered by the scalding nature of the liquid, Jason makes a face and grabs another packet of sugar before dumping that, too, into the contents of his cup. "Never enough sugar in these damn things." He murmurs. It brings an amused smile to Tim's face.
The coffee shop is a small one. Cozy; never too busy. Kon brought him here once, which is surprising since Gotham is Tim's territory and if anyone should know about obscure coffee shops tucked away at the end of a quiet street then it should be Tim.
Thinking about Kon sends a gentle stab of pain through an already bruised heart. He hears the echoes of their last conversation in his mind. It was a fight, actually. A bad one.
Kon's words were brutal and designed to hurt him. Tim hears his own response - it's malicious, as venomous as possible. It's intent was to destroy Kon and not just maim him.
Tim discretely wipes at his eyes. He loathes the way they burn; he hates how close he's been to crying - bawling, really - since Kon flew off that night. He hasn't seen Kon in weeks. They haven't spoken in that time either, a first since they became genuinely good friends. Kon hasn't answered his calls; even the many texts Tim has sent have gone ignored.
A desperate call to Cassie reassured Tim that Superboy hadn't picked a fight he couldn't win; that he wasn't injured, or worse, dead. (To this day Tim still shudders, cold, haunted, terrified of Kon being taken away from him again.) He simply needed space, she said. Her voice was gentle. Tim still hates how gentle it was.
Space. From the person he once shared everything with.
Jason's always been perceptive, it comes with the territory. He doesn't make a big deal about the obvious tears Tim is holding back, or desperately trying to without much success. He leans forward, hides Tim from the other patrons, the lone waitress giving them curious looks. "Okay, kid, what happened?"
"I think Kon's going to break up with me." Tim breathes a laugh, and it feels more like a dry sob. "We might have already broken up and he just hasn't bothered to tell me."
Blue eyes drowning in green narrow. "What happened, Timbo?" He asks again. Patient, kind, so unlike the angry young man everyone else believed him to be.
"We had a stupid argument." Tim replies. His voice trembles, his lips quiver, and those damned tears slip, uninvited, down pale cheeks. "He said some stuff," Tim adds, wiping at his cheeks, "And you know our family - we always have to have the last word."
"So you said some stuff back."
It's not a question. No one knows the flaws and quirks of their twisted family better than another member of said family.
Tim nods. "I said he was wasting his time trying to impress Clark," Tim hangs his head, ashamed, "That he would never live up to him."
"Harsh."
"I was so angry at him, and all I wanted was to hurt him." Tim breathes out, shakily, heavily, feels like his entire soul has been exhaled with that breath. "I didn't mean it. I don't think he isn't good enough. He's more than good enough, Jay. I'm lucky to have him. I'm so lucky to know him."
"Have you told him that?"
"He won't let me." Tim buries his face in his hands. A few more tears escape and Tim squeezes his eyes shut, and wishes they would stop. His emotions exhaust him.
"Never known you to be the type to need permission to do something." Jason replies carefully.
Tim looks up, sees Jason flash him a teasing grin. But Tim only sighs, knows it really isn't that simple. You can't force someone who can literally fly away to talk when they don't want to, and it's obvious Kon doesn't want to.
Maybe Kon really does want to end things. Maybe Kon has wanted to for some time and this is the excuse he's needed.
Tim feels his heart clench, like someone's pushed their hand through his chest, skin, sinew, bone, to squeeze all the blood pumping out of his heart. Mentally shaking his head, Tim backs away from those thoughts. If Kon wanted to end their relationship then he would say so. He wouldn't put them through this emotional turmoil if he didn't want things to work between them.
"Look," Jason pokes Tim's nose with his finger, getting a halfhearted smile from Tim, "I can count on one hand the positive romantic relationships I've had and still have fingers left, so from where I'm sitting, you two kind of have something special going here, something worth more than," Jason waves his hand, "this."
"Never knew you were a romantic, Jay." Tim says, grinning despite his puffy eyes.
Jason snorts, sits back in his chair. "Yeah, well, don't go spreading it around or anything."
His big brother is right, Tim thinks as he watches Jason drink his coffee. They do deserve more than what they're currently doing. He'll fix it. Kon means too much to him, and Tim knows he means too much to Kon for them to end things this way.
"What you said about your relationships," Tim begins as Jason looks up, "You'll find someone one day. Someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved."
Blinking, Jason snorts, looks a little embarrassed, makes Tim's grin broaden because who knew Jason could still be so shy? "It's not like I'm looking, babybird."
"Still." Tim says, pauses for a few seconds before whispering a grateful, "And thanks, Jason."
Jason nods, grins again. "What are big brothers for?"