#brueharvey

[shinyspanishgem]

Give me a fic where Bruce is depressed over his last breakup (God knows which one) and Catwoman tries to uplift him by...setting him up on blind dates.

And of course most of the dates are his nemesis, he has a type after all.

They have hints that Cat somehow managed to set them up with Batman, even though he has a different voice modifier on and a wall with a small hole separates them, mostly the fact that Cat made a couple of bat related jokes.

Harley noticed immediately and laughed her ass off as a very robotic voice was scandalized about her cheating on Ivy for the date (she came as a joke though), and she simply gave him dating tips, it ended as a relationship trauma dump for both of them.

Selina inserts herself into the second date, Bruce asks her wtf she's doing, and she responds with "oh, Bane ditched, so I'm filling in-" and Batman loses it, because what do you mean you tried to bring in Bane Selina stop laughing, he broke my back and not like that-

Twoface doesn't realize it's Batman, but Harvey does realize it's Bruce after they talk about values, he's delighted to be talking to his ex friend, and really so is Bruce, they set a second date (Bruce is happy they got to talk after being no contact for a long while and promises to visit him in Arkham more often- Harvey is looking for wedding rings)

Killer Croc is ridiculously alright as a date, he brings flowers which is a bonus, and Bruce can see through a small hole that he has a bowtie on. They end up settling on talking about animal facts (and Bruce has been dying to share Damian's). Catwoman tells them they should adopt Manbat and have an animal themed family, (Bruce rolls his eyes BC well, Batfamily, but Waylon seems enthusiastic about it. They set a second date, because why not, and Batman explains that Manbat is a full grown man so not adopting material)

He really wanted to hate the Riddler date, especially after how smug the other was about getting a date with Batman, but unfortunately, it was rather pleasant. Filled with riddles of course, most were of a romantic nature, but as they went on, they got corny, then cornier, and by the end Bruce found them amusing, and kinda cute. To the point where Ed gets a chuckle out of him, the riddler falls from his chair in shock, but makes it his life mission to hear it again.

They don't set a second date, but every time they fight after that day the Riddler interprets them as dates, Batman gets a big ol' judging Robin stare when the prize to one of the riddles the next week is a bouque of flowers and a "xx-xxx-xxx call me?" Note.

[shinyspanishgem]

Dick didn't know how it ended up like this.

The GCPD is covered with flowers, love letters, and postcards of almost all of the Gotham Rogue Gallery, all addressed to Batman.

It didn't help that Dick was the last to use the Batsuit that entire week, covering for Bruce so he could heal from an important shoulder injury. And hey, he was tired, taking off the Nightwing suit for the night only to be called to be the emergency replacement cought him off guard, and the next day he still had to keep the same routine to keep both Bludhaven and Gotham safe.

So yes, maybe he joked around with Bruce's villains too much, so sue him. But them interpreting that as genuine flirting was mortifying.

Sure, he *asked* the Riddler for riddles beacouse he was bored in the slower night of that week,but wasn't sending an engagement ring in response for their "magical night together" (15 minutes of indulging some riddling) a bit too much?

Fine, he joked that if he ever needs a lawyer he'll call Dent, but seeing him on national television arguing he should get his lawyer licence back is too far, since when do people listen to Batman the vigilante for legal advice? He seemed to be trying to turn his life around (without stoping his crimes,somehow) and the flowers were sent to Bruce directly.

Oh, so now you can't compliment a man's suit without the Penguin sending you his literal tailer wrapped up like a present? give him a break.

He asked Harley where she got the Hyenas (for Damian) and got into a discussion on how to properly love and raise exotic pets, and yes leaving a full grown tiger for him in Gordon's doorsteps is insane Harley (Battiger is nice though, Robin says thanks).

He though he was being sooo funny by giving Killer Croc a 'men fear me, fish fear me too' hat, now he keeps showing up in Bruce's patrols becacouse he thinks they are best friends now, or mates? he does NOT want to know.

He called Manbat 'cousin' just for giggles, the roumor has picked up and Bruce gets asked twice a week about it now, that one was on purpose. He left rats hanging from the GCPD precint like a cat, he prays to God Bruce doesn't become inervetedly attached to it, the Batcave is full no thank you.

Ivy had been nice, they just chatted about plants for a bit beacouse Dick's been thinking of getting a Bonsai, she was delighted and sent a starter kit.

He chatted with a goon about his daughter and how she's around Robin's age while waiting to ambush Clayface, and there's a chance he set Damien up for a playdate.

Only Catwoman caught on, beacouse Dick was uncomfortable with her flirting instead of going along, she told nobody.