#brutalturn

[slettlune]

i just watched last night's royal rumble with vee. it's the first bit of wrestling i've seen in a year or so (i'm the biggest fake fan, i know)

i don't know how to begin to explain to normies that the participant i was most excited about was rey mysterio who i do not think ought to be wrestling anymore at fifty years old and with such a broken body (but knowing what kind of wrestler he is i don't imagine he'll ever accept retirement), but who i can't help cheering for anytime he's in a ring. like he was the number one entrant! and he held up for SO long, bless him

did i think he was gonna win? obviously not, that'd be ridiculous. did i think he was gonna do any particularly impressive moves? i was hoping he wouldn't, his knees have been fucked for two decades, and you could tell he slipped several times during the match. was i still emotional about him kicking off the match and squaring off against penta, and did i pop when he did his slow and gentle 619? hell yeah.

vee was so entertained at me yelling firmly at the other wrestlers "NO! SLOW! BE NICE TO GRANDPA!!" every time they picked him up, and then i was noticeably relieved when he got eliminated.

[slettlune]

i caught up on wrestlemania together with vee. few things have made us laugh so hard as the absurdly earnest way cole exclaimed "I THINK CARLITO'S DEAD." and then nobody acknowledged carlito again

[slettlune]

do you know how HUMILIATING it is when vee tells me "hey there's a match i want us to see, i think you'll like this tag team" and then turns out i'm IMMEDIATELY obsessed

it was axiom and frazer, but mostly axiom. short flippy luchador who's great at selling so he does the babyface-in-peril thing ABSOLUTELY pitch perfect? jesus christ i'm so predictable

look at him getting bullied and reaching pleadingly for his tag team partner who's too far away to save him!!!! perfect size for getting flung around and beat up endlessly aaagh

[slettlune]

even though i knew regal was gonna show up i got so excited!! vee is a wrestling nerd and will pop hard whenever someone he knows from puro or roh shows up, but i pop the hardest for an old grumpy englishman in a three-piece suit

[slettlune]

finally watched aew revolution!

vee accused me of having watched it in secret bc when mjf pulled out the little black bag from under the ring i tried to be funny and went “oh good i hope that’s marshmallows in there” and two seconds later jr on commentary went “that’s not marshmallows in there...!”

kinda worried i have some kind of psychic link with jim ross

[slettlune]

finally watched this week’s ppv

it’s possibly the most endearing thing i’ve EVER witnessed in wrestling, when punk knee’d darby so hard darby slid between the ropes out of the ring, and you could see half-a-second of punk breaking character entirely, panic on his face, his arms stretched out bc he CLEARLY didn’t intend for darby to fall down on the concrete floor

and then they just kept wrestling

[slettlune]

vee’s back on the wwe subscription SOLELY for walter murdering everyone in nxt

we’ve watched so many walter matches today. the amount of bruised chests, the welts! i swear walter has the most brutal chest strikes since chris [redacted]

[slettlune]

i’m gonna admit i discovered wrasslin JUST as cm punk quit the business so i don’t have a lot of personal investment in his return

but i am LIVING for how the audience absolutely loses their shit at the music, and the infotron, at his appearance. when they start chanting again it synchs with the music and the energy just builds and builds