It's been so hard.. to have to go about daily life and put up an act in front of everyone. Tears that I don't even want to cry in front of my family or my friends because I disappoint myself everytime I cry. Slowly, his lies are all revealing themselves. One by one. He said I didn't trust him, and the only times I told myself to believe him, were the times he had already began lying to me.
You begin to trust someone so much in the beginning, give it your everything because one who's been hurt before doesn't deserve someone who'll hurt him again. I know.. because I've been hurt so many times before & I've been where he's been. He was and is a great guy, I know for a fact I wasn't in love with a con. But.. i don't know how things turned so sour.. They tell you they'll never leave you.. But how is it that, during these times that I need you most, you simply.. left?
You said you still love me, but I don't know how far true that is because if you did, the least you'd do for me is fight for me and see her less. Right now, it just looks like you're having a ball spending time with her, some days just you both alone, some other days with your old friends.
After defending you in front of everybody + saying you have your reasons + trying to understand and look at this in every possible way + waiting here like a dumbass for your answer, I'm still left hanging here, helpless..
Leastwise, puck up the courage to tell me, you don't think this will work. Why do you need to sneak around with her? Wouldn't life be so much easier if you came out of the dark? Then atleast I can move on with my life. And you can move on with yours.
No matter how much I really don't like her, if we break up and you do get back together with her, I'd respect your relationship and I'd disappear. If you're happier with her, my presence in your life wouldn't make a difference anyway. As it is you're already acting like you refuse to believe.. even in my existence.. I love you enough to let you go.. if you wanted to go anyway. I won't keep you from your happiness. Cause since the start, I just wanted you to be happy. And since then, it's never changed.
Today, I broke down again.. after the longest time, I can't remember when I've ever been hurt this bad and the tears just won't stop coming.