hey. hey guys. theres gotta be at least one fic out there where john walker says “i could do this all day” while fucking someones brains out. right. RIGHT?
big shocker, guess who fell in love with this asshole when they saw thunderbolts!! its been a minute since i wrote one of these posts so why not bust one out for this absolute hot mess of a man >:) (also mini shoutout to @swordgrace for writing such great walker fics and helping pull me out of this writing rut i've been in lol)
playlist pairing🍷✨: (my) all american idiot 🇺🇸
Despite the events of FATWS, Walker remains closer than you'd expect to Sam and Bucky (clearly shown by Bucky casually dropping the info about Walker's divorce to the rest of the Thunderbolts lmao). I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he even crashed with one of them at the beginning of all the divorce stuff until he could get back on his feet - we love to see men supporting and uplifting other men in their time of need!!
Look, we all know he's coming back in Doomsday but they better not let this man ANYWHERE near the multiverse, simply because I could totally see him trying to pull a Wanda and try to fix his predicament by fucking off to a universe where he miraculously died and saw a chance for another John like him to take his place or something
Shockingly out of all the Thunderbolts, he's actually the one with the most media training (maybe besides Bucky as a congressman but we all saw how well he handled that lol). After the whole New Avengers announcement, he does his best to wrangle the media presence of the rest of the team and make them act a bit more presentable - Alexei and Bob probably struggle the most, Bucky struggles but doesn't admit it openly, and Yelena & Ava go along begrudgingly and hate when his advice actually kinda helps them navigate more annoying aspects of the press
This is more for my own peace of mind (and I think everyone as a fandom has agreed this happened off camera) but after the whole Void escapade, John definitely apologizes for calling Bob by the same nickname his awful dad used and does his best to make up for it
SPEAKING OF THE VOID STUFF, he definitely went through it in there like everyone else and likely was reliving not only the death of Lamar from FATWS, but also the calls and military ops that he regrets getting those medals of honor over...
And speaking of the military!! While he was certainly whipped into shape by the army straight out of high school, they couldn't shake those southern Georgia roots off him, and you can tell since he occasionally slips into that classic southern hospitality (ie "Yes ma'am"/"Pardon me"/occasionally craving a sweet tea and complaining about not finding any good ones in New York/etc.)
Honestly I find it kinda wild that Walker would join the military straight out of high school, especially when he would've CERTAINLY had at least one full ride scholarship for his football career if he really did take his team to the championships 3 times in a row, but then again he is a straight white man and this entire franchise is built off of military propaganda, so him enlisting of his own volition makes perfect sense. It also makes me wonder more about his own home life though too? Did he really join JUST to serve his country (assuming he graduated high school in the 2000s, that brutal combo of 9/11 and the attack on New York could definitely push someone like him to want to serve and protect their country in any way they can), or did he also join because of the benefits that he would've gotten like a lot of people tend to do (i imagine he came from a more upper-middle/purely middle class family and college money could've been hard to come by, or maybe he even had another family member or even a line of family members serve in the military, who knows!)
All that being said, if Walker DID ever decide to go to college, I feel like he would really be passionate about history and maybe even try to become a historian of some kind, or at the very least a very classic combo of history teacher and football coach/PE teacher. Maybe he even dabbles in sport sciences and becomes a professional sports medic/physical therapist or something!
and now, for some quick fire/miscellaneous hcs that i feel just fit his vibe (and some slightly nsfw ones for good measure) :))
I choose to personally believe Walker is hiding a secret stick and poke tattoo somewhere you wouldn't see unless you were in a particular circumstance with him *cough cough* that was done by one of his fellow troops from his time in the military (i also choose to believe its a slutty little hip tatt but that's just me *gestures to gif*)
trauma be damned you just KNOW that man can work a grill, and his favorite things to toss on there besides a mean burger is probably some really good chicken breast or pork ribs (if you try to eat it with any sauce or claim its dry in the slightest he WILL give you a look like you're a man marked for death - he definitely gives the vibe of a being a bbq purist lol)
Walker definitely has a half-baked memoir manuscript somewhere in his house that he was working on from his Captain America days (that was definitely scrapped for obvious reasons) with some corny working title like "Small Town Hero" or "My American Dream" or some shit
After finding out more deets about the divorce either Yelena or Bob (or maybe even Alexei?) puts Walker onto Chappell Roan and he has certainly cried to Kaleidoscope in his room alone at LEAST once
Walker is a light and slightly restless sleeper thanks to his military days, and if he finds himself in a particularly nasty insomnia spell he likes to go for super late/super early runs to take his mind off things
His drink of choice is probably a tequila soda with extra lime or a good beer depending on what's on tap, with his default being Michelob Ultra or some other light beer (as someone who's worked as a server he definitely fits into that specific category of annoying man at the bar imo)
Walker is of course really into watching football and mainly roots for the Atlanta Falcons, and definitely has a fantasy football league he tries to get the rest of the dudes on the Thunderbolts into when football season comes around
Walker doesn't play many videogames besides maybe Madden or COD but definitely mains as Mario in Mario Kart, and literally everyone gives him shit for it
I don't really need to write this one out but I'm glad we all agree Walker has an IMMENSE praise kink (and maybe even a secret thing for receiving body worship on his end?? who's to say...)
Implications of fucking a super soldier stupid aside, this man has also definitely pulled an Edward Cullen and has broken a headboard or two in his day while getting his freak on, I mean LOOK AT HIM
I also feel like Walker takes a bit more time to butter up romantics wise, especially and understandably after his divorce. I feel like he has at least a few sloppy one night stands he definitely regrets as hes going through the motions of getting his shit back together too - can't blame a man for wanting to feel loved in any way he can get!!
let me know what you think of our beloved second hand cap below if you have any hcs of your own!! i'd love to hear them and just have people to chat and fawn over him with hehehe <3
hey guys. i dont normally make posts like this, but i am Not Doing Great right now. i got let go from my job on monday and my sister had to put down our last childhood cat this morning, so im really just kinda! fucking hating life right now!! id appreciate the kind words and support, i'll probably get back on the fic wagon soon bc How Else Am I Supposed To Cope but jesus fucking christ man. maybe i need to take up smoking cigarettes after all or something.
