Laughing uncontrollably at the character names in LGIO’s playthrough of Meeple Station.
I like to stim on videos that have vocal intonation that I like. I’ll dip in for the stim lines, wander, have some Bubblegum OG, recite more stim lines.
Stim lines sounds like something that is in urban dictionary. siiiiiiigh
I checked and it isn’t. Great! I mean stim lines are lines spoken in a movie or show with intonations that hit my ears just right. It feels good to recite them along with the original. In my ears, in my brain, in my mouth, in my body. If that sounds orgasmic, that’s because it almost is. It’s a rare state of physical synchrony of sensations. No anxiety.
Oh god. It feels good to hear and speak, but it is so hard to listen and express.
I need to know the audio. I need to control the audio. I need to be able to jump in and dip out based on how I feel internally, whether or not it fits within the conversation. Like mid sentence, speaking or listening, I just need to be done, walk away. Destimulate.
Usually I’m a sensory avoider rather than a sensory seeker. But I seek for synchronizing my voice to the original voice saying the words in the intonation that I like. It’s extremely similar to how I feel about spicy food. I don’t like bland food. Like I’ll eat it and never complain, but it’s not my favorite. I like a medium-hot level of spicy with bountiful pepper and herbs and spices. But if the food is too spicy and it’s physically uncomfortable you can’t enjoy it. So I’ll take bland food over too hot. And don’t get me started on temperature hot!
Tasty! Tasty! Tasty!
I like a medium level of hearing and talking, but don’t understand or sync up with the conversation rhythm. It takes me too long to process what the person really means because I’m stuck in all the sounds.
I think it helps me hear sounds new to me in other languages because that is what my brain prioritizes.
When I have ear infections, not being able to hear on one side makes me feel unbalanced. Not in the vestibular system sense, but because the patterns of sounds in the environment aren’t balanced between my two sides. I’m not sure which side is heavier: blocked or healthy ear.
I’d love to have MRI scans done to see if this is what’s going on. I think a lot of people with autism who are thought to be “nonverbal” but make sounds are in fact saying words that are unintelligible due to motor speech problems. Gestalt Language Processors (GLP).
I always knew that my life was easier than it would have been if I wasn’t able to speak the way I do. I never had difficulty with motor speech though motor skills for the rest of me are a different story so everything I said sounded pretty good, because it was cobbled together chunks of audio that I had heard and sensed that “fit” the context in some way.
The level of precision with which I have to have and in real time, and how much to keep up with its like trying to build a railroad with an oncoming train. But I have to do it! There are expectations, you see. People usually expect small talk topics. Polite conversation. The content and and implications are critically important. I bond with people over stim lines. When I hang out with my friend and do that, it’s the happiest feeling ever.
If an autistic person makes a sound, especially a repeated one, try making it with them. It’s comforting. More comforting than asking, “Are you okay?” The shared sound feels like “I’m with you.” Not a song. Just regular words.
I guess you could say that’s my hobby. Reciting stim lines and walking around all weird and bendy. Though according to George Carlin, “it’s not a hobby. Hobbies cost money; interests are free.” I could go for some George Carlin stim lines. From his stand up and from Shining Time Station.
