Kit Revelations (short story)
Cherrystar felt lightheaded, and it took her a few heartbeats to realize that it was because she was holding her breath. She tried to inhale slowly, but her mind was still spiraling and it came out more as a panicked gasp.
The noise made Mouseshell, who was looking at her and who she was looking at, blink. “You’re telling me that you killed kits?” The brown she-cat had a brow raised.
Cherrystar tried not to shrink back. She felt awful for keeping it a secret. Mouseshell was her friend and deserved to know what she did to earn her place in the Dark Forest. But everywhere Cherrystar went, cats judged her for her crimes.They had even tried to take her daughter away from her, for StarClan’s sake!
Cherrystar’s gaze briefly flicked to where Applekit was playing with Fennelkit and Bubblingkit across the valley, Applesting watching them closely while Wildburn groomed his fur. What if Mouseshell decided she was too dangerous to keep around the kits? What if she turned her away too?
“I–I know what you think, but I–”
“Why?” Mouseshell asked.
Cherrystar swallowed. “I-I thought I–I did have to–it was for the greater good,” she tried to explain.
But Mouseshell shook her head. “No, I mean why are you telling me? I already know.”
Cherrystar stared. Her eyes flicked over Mouseshell’s face, searching for a hint of dishonesty. But there wasn’t any. She was telling the truth. She did know. She didn’t look angry either, or pitiful, and definitely not judgemental.
“You knew?”
Mouseshell shrugged. “You should've seen the looks of the cats that came to warn me about you. Like kits telling tales of the boogeycat.” She smirked.
While Cherrystar’s heart sank a little at that, relief made her muscles visibly relax. Mouseshell knew–apparently she knew almost this entire time. And she didn’t care….Did she care? “And…what do you think about it…?”
Mouseshell licked a paw nonchalantly. “Nothing?” Then she laughed. “Beware! There’s a cat in the place of murderers and big shock! She’s a murderer!”
Cherrystar smiled, but she couldn’t help but point out, “a kit-murderer.” It was what separated her from the others. Made her worse. Worse even in the place of murderers.
Even so, Mouseshell didn’t look any less amused, as if she thought this whole conversation was silly, but not derisively so. “Yeah, and? You did it because you thought it would save your Clan. I killed cats to get attention. One of those is worse and it’s not yours.”
Cherrystar brightened, and she lifted herself up a bit. No one had made that case before. There were cats in the past that didn’t care either, but Cherrystar never liked them–they would say how the kits deserved to die, or would take clear pleasure in knowing that it had happened. Cherrystar didn’t like that. She didn’t do what she did for any sort of pleasure, and she never felt pleased while doing…while killing those kits.
But Mouseshell was different. She wasn’t making the case that it was okay. She didn’t think it was. She just…didn’t care. And that…that was so much more freeing. Cherrystar didn’t have to forget what she did. She didn’t have to pretend that it was all okay or all wrong or really, she didn’t have to pretend anything. Because Mouseshell was right: everyone here is fucked up. Who can pass judgment?
“Momma!” Applekit sprang over, hopping on excited little paws. “Can we build a den? All our own? Like a secret den?”
“Secret den?” Mouseshell faked a gasp as her own kits, Bubblingkit and Fennelkit, caught up. She met Cherrystar’s eyes, sparkling with joy. “I don’t know…seems like a lot of work.”
Cherrystar nodded. “A lot of work! Surely little kits aren’t strong enough for such big warrior work?”
Applekit raised her chin. “I’m strong!”
“Yeah, super strong!” Bubblingkit agreed. Fennelkit nodded rapidly.
Mouseshell nudged them. “I guess you’re going to have to prove it then.”
Applekit’s eyes glowed, and within a moment she was gone, racing away with the younger kits on her paws, towards a bush that would surely make the material for their new den. Cherrystar and Mouseshell waited a moment, before moving to join.
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@ambitiousauthor
Cherrystar finally tells Mouseshell about her crimes against little kittens, and it turns out that she don't give a fuck