The Void
Pairing: Thunderbolts!Bucky x fem!reader
Summary: Bucky Barnes rescues you from the Void after you are sucked into your worst traumas.
Word count: 1140
Warnings: torture, hydra capture, trauma, Thunderbolts SPOILERS contained!
Tags: @icybarness @inloveallthetime
I DO NOT consent for my work to be used by others or for AI.
ONE MORE WARNING - THUNDERBOLTS SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
The first thing you noticed was the cold grimy stone floor underneath your hands. You landed on your front once you entered the Void. You hadn’t thought twice before following Yelena into the darkness. That’s what heroes did, right? You knew she wouldn’t just give up and you were right. She was your friend and you weren’t just leaving her to solve this mess on her own. But what fresh hell was this?
“Please, I don’t know any more information about Barnes,” someone croaked from behind you. Their voice was raw from screaming. Their voice was yours. The hairs on the back of your neck rose.
“No,” you murmured, springing up from the floor and taking in your surroundings. A cold cell with a metal chair in the middle. A younger version of yourself sat within that chair, sweat glistening on her forehead. Wrists bound to the chair arms. A week's worth of grime covered your face. You knew the scene all too well. S.H.I.E.L.D had sent you to investigate one of HYDRA’s activities and eliminate it. They were still obsessed with human augmentation, weaponising another person. It wasn’t an easy job, but achievable. Or so you’d thought. Sam had said it would help Bucky. You two had been dating for a little over 6 months. Had the perfect date night and a lazy breakfast before he was off to battle the government and you were off to the ‘gym’. You were supposed to be back in a week. Supposed to return and apologise and finally tell Bucky you loved him. Instead, it had looked like you would never get the chance to say those three small yet large words.
A single tear tracked down your cheek as you groaned. Your cheeks were puffy, they’d already removed your wisdom teeth. This meant you were close to the end. Close to the pain which haunted your dreams.
The doctor who entered was as familiar to you as your own palms. Shorn black hair and a septum piercing. Dark brown eyes which did not seem to reflect light. “Ah, Miss S/N, I’m glad you’re awake. No one is coming to save you,” the doctor whispered in your ear. “Hail.” She inserted the needle into your arm. “HYDRA.”
You knew as you watched yourself thrash and scream that the serum running through your veins was pure agony. That in that moment all you wanted was the sweet bliss of nothingness. This moment still haunted your dreams—woke you screaming and sweating. Your super soldier limbs sometimes smashed whatever was close by: bedside table, the bed frame. Watching this moment as an outsider was even more agony. The way your veins popped in your eyes, the metal dug into your wrists. All hope sagged from your shoulders as you lost shards of yourself never to retrieve again.
“Please, I don’t know any more information about Barnes,” you croaked again. The scene reverted back to the beginning.
You raced across the room, holding your other self’s cheeks in your hands. “Y/N, I promise you, this is not forever. They cannot break you.”
Your old self whimpered, barely able to keep her eyes open.
“Doll, hey,” Bucky’s voice was a caress in the darkness behind you. You’d started seeing hallucinations after the first week of torture. From hunger, thirst, pain or isolation, you did not know.
“Ah, Miss S/N, I’m glad you’re awake.” And so the cycle started again.
“No, leave her alone!” You screamed going to punch the doctor.
The doctor grabbed your shoulder and shoved you to the floor. Right in front of a pair of black boots. You reached out with a shaking hand and touched the boot. It was real, whole. It was Bucky. You collapsed with a sob.
“Bucky, you’re–this–are we…” You gulped down air. “Is this real?”
Bucky reached down and grabbed your forearms, hoisting you off the floor in one fluid motion. “Doll, breathe. I’m here. I’ve got you.” You launched into his arms, relishing in the warmth of his body against yours. “I’m so sorry you had to see that all again,” he murmured into your hair, rubbing gentle circles into your back. “You’re safe. I’m here. I’m real.”
“I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye,” you sobbed into his shirt.
“We’ve more than made up for that.” Bucky kissed the top of your head. “We need to go, Y/N.” He stepped back from you and assessed your condition with those beautiful blue eyes. “Doll, can you run?”
You nodded once.
“Please, I don’t know any more information about Barnes,” you croaked again. The words broke your heart.
This time when the doctor walked in Bucky stepped away from you and grabbed the doctor’s throat. “I will never be able to punish you enough for what you did to Y/N.” And with that he crushed the doctor’s throat.
The scene rapidly disintegrated into something new, something worse. You stood in the middle of a street. Cars crashed around you. People lay injured. And you were in the centre of it, guns in your hands. Ready to kill the target in front of you. Ready to kill Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky stood behind you gripping your waist as you watched the scene unfurl.
The Bucky in front of you wore all leather, a grimace maring his perfect features. “Y/N, this isn’t you. I know this isn’t you.”
The HYDRA corrupted version of yourself merely chuckled, clicking your neck.
“I won’t hurt you.” Bucky threw down his guns, crossing his arms.
“Then you die.” You pulled the triggers so easily and watched unflinching as they pierced his chest.
“NO!” You screamed from the side watching as Bucky fell. You traced the wounds on his chest every night since. Kissed them with the weight of your guilt.
The real Bucky behind you pulled you tighter to him. “You know I lived, doll.” Bucky spun you around and held your face in his hands. His left hand was cold against your cheek but comforting all the same.
“I almost killed you, it missed your heart by half a millimetre, James,” you murmured, wincing at the sound of gunshots sounding behind you again.
“And I’m still convinced you purposely missed, doll.” Bucky smiled, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face.
You looked to your feet, knowing somewhere deep inside that you must have purposely missed as you had never missed before.
“You never gave up on me,” you whispered, placing your hands over his.
“Well, I couldn’t leave my best girl, could I?” Bucky pulled you closer, weaving his hand through your hair. “I love you, Y/N. I’ll follow you anywhere.” Bucky pulled back from you and pressed a tender kiss to your lips as the void fell away.