Insecure (Bucky Barnes x Reader)
Warnings: Self Concious!Bucky, mentions of nakedness, kissing/slight make out (no smut), scars Genre: Angst and Fluff Word Count: 1574 Summary: Bucky has always been self conscious about his metal arm and the scars around it, no matter how often you tell him they don't bother you
Bucky didn’t understand why he felt so self conscious around you. You have been dating for a few months now, and no matter how often you tell him how perfect he is to you, his arm always haunts his thoughts
It had caused problems throughout your relationship, whether it be him not wanting to change in front of you, not wanting you to cuddle into his metal arm in fear of you feeling the scars, or him not wanting to do anything sexual with you without keeping his shirt on
Everytime he brought up his arm, you always explained to him that they didn’t bother you, and that you loved him no matter what his arm looked like. He never believed you though. To him the scars around his shoulder look so awful and he couldn’t comprehend how you didn’t look at them with disgust
Today he had been in the bathroom, getting ready to take a shower. He usually avoided looking in mirrors, but today he couldn't help but to stare into it. Slowly lifting his shirt off, he dropped it and it fell to the floor. Looking at his scars, he let his hand go up to feel around them. He took a deep breath as he felt his fingertips rubbing against the scars. He hated the way they felt. He hated the way they looked
He looked away from the mirror and let out a sigh, before turning on the shower, and getting in. As he was lathering his head with the shampoo he heard the bathroom door opening. He pulled back the shower curtain, only so his eyes were visible to you
“Hey Buck, could I hop in there with you quick? Nat asked me to go out with her and I need to shower quickly before we leave” You looked at him with a pleading expression, hoping he would say yes. He saw that you were holding a towel and a change of clothes already
“Uh…” He was frozen in his spot. He knew you wouldn’t have asked if you could wait until he was done, and he didn’t want to be rude to you. “Um yea ok” he hesitantly agreed
“Thank you!” You quickly stripped out of your clothes and got in the shower behind him. He felt tense being so close to you with his scars out, but he tried to not let it show. He closed his eyes and let his head lean back into the water, feeling the shampoo go off his head and down his body.
By the time he finished rinsing it out, you had finished rubbing shampoo into your own hair, and you both slid around each other so you could get to the water. As you leaned your head backwards in the water, he let his eyes glance over your body. You looked stunning
When you finished rinsing out your hair, you opened your eyes to see his looking at you with slight lust
“Enjoying the view?” You teased letting out a small laugh, before reaching over his shoulder and grabbing the conditioner
He froze and tensed up as your hand grazed over his scars. You saw the slightly fearful look in his eyes and you immediately pulled your arm away, dropping the conditioner bottle in the process, it letting out a loud sound as it crashed to the shower floor
“I’m so sorry” you apologized “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable…Are you alright?” You looked so guilty and it made him feel bad
You’re his girlfriend…So why is he so insecure around you? You’re both standing naked in front of each other and his arm is what he’s worried about?
He nodded, letting out a quiet “Yea I'm good”. There was a small pause before he began talking again. “I'm sorry you have to look at them. I know they’re not very appealing”
“Bucky” you shook your head “You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on. Your scars are no exception to that. They make you who you are, and they will never make me change the way I look at you. You are the love of my life, and I adore every detail about you, from the vibrant blue of your eyes, to the sound of your laugh, to that little crease you get in the middle of your eyebrows when you smile, and even your metal arm and the scars that are there with it. I love you so so so much Bucky” You had a few tears forming in your eyes. You wanted him to understand that you were madly in love with him and that he didn’t have to be self conscious around you because there was nothing to be insecure about.
He had tears of his own forming. He loved you, but he always had this doubt in the back of his mind, telling him that you were lying to him and that you were turned off by his scars.
You wrapped your arms around his waist, and you laid your head down on his right arm, away from the scars. His immediately went around your neck and he kissed the top of your head
“I love you so much doll. I don’t even know why I get so self conscious about my arm still” there was a small pause “It’s been there for so long and it still holds me back from things I want to do”
“It doesn’t have to stop you though. Please believe me when I tell you that they don’t change a single thing I love about you”
He nodded his head and he reached for your hand, and he gently lifted it so it was closer to his shoulder. You felt his hesitation, but you gave him a small kiss on the shoulder you were laying on for encouragement. He put your hand down onto his scars, and your fingers gently danced over them. He took a shaky breath at the feeling
“There’s nothing to be afraid of Bucky” You said as you kissed his shoulder again
“Thank you doll” He gave you a smile and his metal arm gently grabbed your chin, and lifted it upwards, kissing you softly. You immediately reciprocated and the both of you stood in the shower while kissing, before taking it a step further and you began making out.
The moment the two of you were having was suddenly interrupted by a loud knock on the door
“(Y/N) how long does it take to shower?” Nat yelled causing you to gasp and pull away from Bucky, letting out a groan
“Give me a few more minutes” you replied quickly pulling him in for another kiss. You giggled and pulled away, reaching down and grabbing the conditioner bottle you had dropped earlier.
You squirted some into your own hands, massaging it into your hair, before holding it out to Bucky. He grabbed it and did the same. You both rushed to finish, and once you were done, you both stood on a towel under your feet. Bucky reached for his towel sitting on the edge of the sink before wrapping it around his waist, then grabbing your own towel and handing it to you
“I almost don’t wanna give this to you” he mumbled with a cheeky grin “I like you better with nothing on”
“I could say the same for you” You gave him a smile and you felt your cheeks turn bright red. You grabbed the towel from his hands before wiping off some of the water from your body and wrapping the towel around yourself.
BANG BANG BANG
Both you and Bucky flinched back at the loud sound.
“(Y/N) come onnnnnn” you heard Nat whine through the door
“Oh my god I’ll be out in one minute” you laughed a bit and hurried to dry yourself off. Once you were finished you threw on your clothes, and brushed your hair and teeth, Bucky doing the same next to you. Once you both were done you turned to Bucky and gave him a kiss
“I’ll be back later. I love you Bucky”
“I love you too (Y/N)” He smiled
Then you opened the bathroom door and walked out, leaving Bucky alone. He found his eyes looking back towards the mirror again. Now, instead of feeling only disgust, he felt the slightest bit more self confident looking at his scars. The words you spoke to him only minutes ago, were swimming through his mind.
They make you who you are, and they will never make me change the way I look at you
He felt his lips curve upwards into a small smile, and he looked away from the mirror, putting on his own clothes, before walking back into yours and his shared bedroom. He sat on the bed, before grabbing his phone and sending you a quick text
Thank you for everything today doll. I love you so much and i'll see you when you get home <3
Once he hit send, it had took you less than a minute to respond
No problem my love. I love you so so so much! I'll be back soon <3
He smiled a wide grin, and he turned his phone off, putting it on his nightstand, before grabbing the tv remote, and turning on a random movie and watching it, waiting for you to get back home.