#bug.post

[pondanimal]

imagine there's no vember

[gelatocircus]

Been a little bit since I posted but please enjoy this image of my son

[pondanimal]

my john zine came in and im feeling a little emotional about how cool this fandom is and how happy i am to call myself a part of it. thank you to everyone who has ever put in the effort to organize a project and managed to bring us together to make awesome stuff in the process, year after year. it's something truly special.

[pondanimal]

my partners taste in john-looks is so different from mine because im obsessed with mustached emperor of eternity john i would lick food out of that mustache okay i want to climb him like a tree i don't think a man can be sexier than that alright i think that's the limit. and he's like really???? the disgruntled train conductor?????

[pondanimal]

hi im sick and the fever is cooking my braincells so here's some insane mclennon analysis from the infirmed:

they're doomed yaoi to me because their natures made it impossible for them to be together. paul's number 1 driving force is his pursuit of "success." he needed to meet every societal milestone to feel successful, having a wife and kids was important to him for that projection of success (among other reasons I'm sure, but this was one he couldn't ever get from john). paul undoubtedly loved john and reciprocated in some capacity. i say this with confidence because while john is naturally obsessive and jealous, i don't think he would've had as hard of a time moving on from paul for so long (up until he died practically) if his relationship with paul was purely unrequited yearning. there's just no way. paul curates his image so thoroughly that even he struggles to find the "real" paul underneath it all. it's much easier for him to hide this part of himself than it is for john, and that's the simple reason we have more evidence from him than we do paul. for paul, whatever relationship he had with john was one he always knew would be sidelined. if the sexual side was something that he did expect to continue long term, i think he would've been okay having his wife and kids and john on the side at the same time. (i do fully believe he liked jane, but she was definitely a very convenient beard, and i think she knew that on some level. hence the sudden break up that she swore to never talk about?) that was always how they did it. im sure they had some unspoken understanding between the two of them that the other was always the most important one in their heart despite the girls and wives they kept around.

i say unspoken because i don't think john really saw it the same way. he needed paul and he needed the other beatles desperately. he was the one to suggest they live together on that greek island. cynthia saw this in him and tried to make him realize he needed them more than they needed him. i think he wanted paul all to himself, and the rational side of him probably knew it was a delusional dream, but it meant that whatever way he could actually get paul was never going to be enough for him. his life probably had an insistent undercurrent of disappointment and frustration. somewhere along the line i think they finally tried to talk about the future of their relationship and paul probably didn't give john the answer that he wanted. john needed paul so much that not having him at all was better than only having part of him. he's the type that needs a unfailingly loyal soul mate who's just as obsessed as he is, and i think he found that desire satisfied in yoko who was willing to play along. i think paul's answer probably made john vindictive and spiteful, but i think a part of him still believed that things would continue the way they were between them. maybe he still overestimated how much paul needed him, or underestimated paul's ability to move on from him. (a bit of projection happening there probably) but his surprise when paul married linda, who he thought (hoped?) was another short term girlfriend, and his belief that they wouldn't last very long tells me that he still was clinging on to the chance that paul would come running back and prove his loyalty and love to him. everything john did around this time reads like an act of spite as well as a kind of impossible test for paul. paul never passed them and i think that's where much of john's resentment that yoko talks about came from. paul could never give him what he wanted and john kind of set him up for failure in that way, but still blamed him for the aftermath.

anyways, moral of the story is, paul's rigid need to chase perfection doomed his relationship with john, and john's need for all or nothing love doomed his relationship with paul.

[pondanimal]

i wanna make a playlist of all the music the beatles mention listening to as teens, but like. that's gotta already be made right . anyone have any leads

[pondanimal]

one of the things i like to tinhat about is believing that the reason john didnt like ob la di after it's release but was joyfully singing it with paul during its creation in india is because paul turned their fun india song they played together into a song about a het couple falling in love and having a bunch of kids LOL

[pondanimal]

im just saying paul mccartney has a chance to have the funniest coming out in history with this biopic