#buhaypanda

[kulotnapanda]

Good news, bad news.

GOOD NEWS: Dumating ako sa office ng 745am. Sakto sa live program namin ng 8 to 9 am.

BAD NEWS: Nung paakyat na ko sa studio, may nagsabi sa akin na wala daw live.

Ayun, tambay tuloy hanggang 2pm.

[objectsindirect]

Habang nagaayos ng gamit pabalik sa LB, nakita ko yung long sleeves mo na lagi kong ginagamit. Doon ko lang narealize na aalis ka na. 

Tangina, wrong timing yung bulutong ko. Di man lang kita nakita bago ka umalis. Di man lang tayo nakanood ng If I Stay. Di man lang tayo nakapagkaraoeke for the last time. Di ko man lang nasabing gusto ko ng sapatos(size 9 ako) pagbalik mong Japan. Di mo man lang nakwento sakin kung nakamoveon ka na. Di mo man lang nasabi sakin yung mga bagong kaganapan sa buhay mo. 

Hoy ate, alam kong di ako yung pinakasweet na kapatid, di rin ako yung tipong makakatulong sayo pag may fashion problem ka, pero lagi lang naman akong nandito, pag may problema ka, makikinig ako (well, depende sa wifi sa LB)

Naalala mo nung sinabi kong di kita mamimiss pag pumunta ka ng Japan, uy joke lang yun. Parang yung isang line lang sa kanta ng Kamikazee "Sinabi ko hindi kita mamimiss, hanggang kailan ito matitiis"..

Oo nga pala, maghanap ka na ng bagong boylet dyan sa Japan, yung mayaman, gwapo, at worth it na ha. Wag kang tanga dyan sa Japan. Ilang beses ka nang nagpakagaga dito sa Pilipinas, wag mo nang dalhin yan dyan.

Karaoke tayo pagbalik mo ha?

Dapat susulatan kita e. Kaso baka mahawaan ka pa, kaya dito nalang sa tumblr.

Anyway, ingat ka dyan. :)

[objectsindirect]

This is not a post about how a boy meets a girl, how one fell in love with the other, and how it was not reciprocated. This is about how worthless I somehow think feel about myself.

Let me set this story straight. I am not a spoiled bratty kid that owns a tumblr to tell everyone I am cool. I am not an angsty kid that thinks I am alone in this world and it will always end like that. I am a second born child of my parents and orphaned by my mom. I am not the favorite. I am the middle child.

I have read mostly everything about being a middle born kid and how it affects a person, and most of it is correct. I was not showered with attention, nor love, nor care. I was brought up thinking I am alone in this house and that it will always be like that. Yet, I chose to use this as an advantage. I thought of a way out of that.

I made friends with almost everyone I could meet. I socialized, learned it's rules and loopholes. I found a way to distract myself at how alone I can be in this house.

Yet somehow, days like this will come. When you suddenly felt left alone, judged and criticized. I know I am not as smart as my sister and I know that I am not as caring or loving as the other one. But you never really saw me. You never really did. And I never cared. 

Until this day.

I am sorry I failed your expectations. I'm sorry I was not smart enough to beat Jerson and be the valedictorian you all thought I would be. I'm sorry I was "only" admitted to UPLB. I am sorry if I failed to impress you.

But I'm not sorry for being what I am now. I am not sorry that I chose to be a normal student for a year. I am not sorry that I passed UPLB because I know that it would be the university that I would be proud I passed to. And I'm not sorry that I am not what you think I am. Because I am my own person, and I choose be that person until the end of my days.

[objectsindirect]

Three hours ago, I attended the 16th birthday of my friend. It was fun and educational. But there’s this thing that caught my attention, how someone called me Ann.

I was shocked at how a simple mistake of calling names can change so much about the whole identity of mine. That missing “A” meant a lot to me. Without that “a” at the end of my name, I am a completely different person. Without that simple thing, I am not me.

Riding the bus home, I lingered on that thought. How a simple mistake can change everything, how a single step can make you regret living this life, how a missing part of the truth blind someone so much-so much that that person would question his existence…

and how an act of a person affect you so much it destroys you…

[wtffckhaha]

Hi ganda! =))) Saya nung tsamu, nakakatuwa ka kasi madaldal ka hahahahaha. <3

"saya nung tsamu, nakakatuwa ka kasi madaldal ka"

"nakakatuwa ka kasi madaldal ka"

"madaldal ka"

"madaldal"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA DALDAL BA SORRY NA HAHAHA!!!!

[objectsindirect]

She doesn't care anymore.

[objectsindirect]

I talked to you for the last time, asking for everything to end. I wanted to hear you say anything. Just anything. You could say I was unfair, or you didn't like what I proposed, or you wanted us back together. Instead of what you've given me. You said nothing. Just plain silence. How could I work with that?

Why did you stay quiet? Was that my punishment? Please tell me. Please just say anything.

[objectsindirect]

May mga pagkakataong hindi mo maiiwasang idalangin na sana iyo nalang ang mga bagay na gusto mo, na sana hindi mo lang ito natitignan sa malayo, sana naman ay mahawakan mo ito at masabing pag-aari mo. Kahit ilang araw, ilang oras, ilang segundo lang, sana ay maging iyo ang bagay na ito.

Pero paano kung pinakawalan mo ang bagay na ito? Tanga ka bang maituturing dahil nawala mo ang nag-iisang bagay na nagpapasaya sayo. Masasabi ba nilang wala kang kwenta sapagkat hinayaan mong makawala ito sa iyong piling. May tao bang makakapaghusga sa'yo sa pagsuko sa paglalaban sa bagay na ito.

Nakakatawang isipin kung gaano kabilis magsawa ang mga tao sa mga bagay na sinasabi nilang "mahal" nila. Tila ba wala iyong halaga sa kanila para itapon nalang ito. Sadya ba talagang mabilis makalimot ang mga tao sa kanilang nakaraan, o sadyang hindi ako nabibilang sa henerasyon kung saan ang lahat ay tinatapon, pinapalitan, at pansamatala lamang.