#bulletproofmondays

[bulletproofmondays]

refresh

hello 2025, it's me. feels like I've been off this grid for a long time.. not sure if I missed myself here but it feels good to be back.. looking back at all these posts I've written, I feel like I cannot relate anymore, but in a good way. I have left it all behind. It sure feels good. Maybe it was all too heavy for me to carry it to where I am now. But I'm thankful this place served as an outlet for me to look back on. I feel like I'm ready to be back on tumblr again.. new year new me hah but quite literally this time. come at me 2025 tumblr! I'm ready to receive all the new and good vibes you have for me.

[bulletproofmondays]

good afternoon

i thought after such a long time, it wouldn’t hurt but after today i realized it still stings like it did. was otp w a friend and somehow the topic came to you, talking about all the little moments that made my heart flutter, made me realize how much feelings there are left that have yet to dissipate. it’s all so clear yet so complicated. so much tension, so much lust, so much of everything. 

i went and took a look at the last time i wrote about you here; 2020, 2 years ago... looking back i guess things were best left how it was then. it would be the best for the three of us. 

fast forward two years, i wonder if too much time and too many people have passed us by to even think about the past. we are not who were were 2 years ago anymore. i wonder what will happen if we were to meet again.. probably like that one time, being proud and pretending the other person doesn’t exist casually. 

thinking about it at this moment, i hate that i am still thinking about you. feels like it’s only me caught up in that nasty past we shared. i hate that you probably don’t feel anything anymore. it’s so crazy because i swore in one way or another to myself to never write about you here again but here i am and i hate that.  i just want to know if it still tortures you when you think of it like it haunted me today. 

a part of me hope you never ever think of me again but another part of me hopes you do. 

i hate that it has been more than two years and i haven’t fully let you go. 

i’m not going to go back and look at that video message although i still have it right where it was. but i already went and stalked you which is the biggest irony. 

i hope you’re doing well, whatever you’re doing, wherever you are. i know that you will, though. afterall you have so much charisma and brilliance the wind follows you where you go. 

i hope to never write about you again ever. 

goodbye c. may we never ever cross paths again. 

[bulletproofmondays]

maybe the end is here and i wonder how will things move forward here on  but the silver lining is that no matter what time will still pass and with time it all eventually gets better. 

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2022

another year has passed. looking back i can’t remember a thing that has happened in the past 365 days but all that time is now history. 

i really hope 2022 is the year i make my own history. 

[bulletproofmondays]

a day later

first 7 hours of being 29 feels... like i’ve been 29 all along

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countdown

it’s been long since i’ve even wrote anything in here. feels like this year went by in a blurry flash. looking back I dont seem to remember anything enough. i’ve been trying. i feel like maybe this year was meant for me to learn how to cope. throughout tough times and throughout this anxiety. i wonder if i’ve made any progress in terms of healing looking back at it all now. the days go by so fast and it feels as if i didn’t do much but it’s already year end. 

*regretted publishing this right after i pressed the publish button.. but i can’t seem to unpublish it or save it back as a draft. in conclusion drafts shall always remain in the draft folder

[bulletproofmondays]

31

before today ends i just wanna say happy birthday again. one year into your 30s. i hope you only walk on flower filled roads and meet with nothing but good vibes. i miss you. every song i hear reminds me of you. in my own way i will miss you and secretly always wish you the best in my heart no matter where you are. happy 31st, my love. i hope your 30s will be filled with nothing but new adventures and laughter. 

[bulletproofmondays]

12

happy birthday my love. it’s been twelve whole years. every year i take some time on this day to write to you my thoughts. we’ve come such a long way without much thought about time. feels like it has only been yesterday but yesterday was twelve years ago. i always feel like it was just yesterday we fell into each others’ lives. i hope you’re doing well. i hope you’re healthy. i hope your eyes are sparkling. i hope you’re doing things that take your breath away. i hope you’re happy. i hope there’s someone by your side, even if it ain’t me. i wish it was. i wish i could see you. i miss you. if there was somewhere which held all the evidence of us, i think it’d be here. but these thoughts will never see light. even after all these years i still haven’t got to letting you go. feels like no matter how far i try to venture even if i really did try and put you down and tried to move on somehow i always find myself back on this path. i’m not exactly sure if i believe in fate but all our coincidences have showed over time that maybe, just maybe we probably are. it feels as if somehow at the back of my mind i ain’t afraid to venture far because i know we’ll always end up crossing paths again, despite the passing of time, be it a matter of even years. today i celebrate you. thank you for coming into this world and coming into mine. maybe to you it might be just a few coincidences but to me it means more than my entire world. happy birthday v. i hope you always run wild and free. just know that when you’re tired and feel like turning back home i’ll always be here. i love you, the light of my life.