#burn meme

[mauerfrau]

🖤

Get Out Your Burn Ointment || Accepting

@cupcakes-and-british-tea

“It’s almost not fair. You can’t say anything mean about this man without suddenly becoming the worst person on the planet. He’s like if you mated a marshmallow rabbit with a cat made of sugar and got a confectionary puppy out of it. Usually I’d be suspicious of that, and yet he manages to not even have that kind of vibe off him. It’s ridiculous. I’m pretty sure he’s cheating somehow.

...Also, he should probably get that hair color checked out. I wonder if it’s all the sugar.”

[mauerfrau]

🖤

Get Out Your Burn Ointment || Accepting

@bates--boy

“For someone who was literally born to be a hunk of metal floating in the ocean, he sure is a weak and ridiculous mess. You’d kind of expect something tougher and more interesting from someone who grew up on the ocean, but he just wound up being a sad, perverted forever teenager, wearing glitter spandex that rides right up his ass.”

[mauerfrau]

//It's not a contest or anything, but I want to say shout-out to @radiomayak for having some of the best hot takes on this meme. I've been laughing at every one.

[mauerfrau]

🖤 your hero, Alfred F Jones

Get Out Your Burn Ointment || Accepting

@coffeebleeds

“A lot of people compare him to a gold retriever and like, I get it, but that’s not really giving the whole picture, you know? For one thing, golden retrievers have a much longer attention span. But also, you know he’s not all cute and soft mouthed like I’m sure he’d like us to think. This is a dog who also knows about the wolf inside him. And he’ll let it snap if you poke it enough. But then he turns in a circle and he’s puppy boy again. I’m not saying he’s not cute, but, come on, be a little more consistent. And stop pretending like you’re just the softy and nothing more. 

I mean...I do...enjoy it. When he’s genuinely a soft boy, it is really nice. But let’s just not pretend that’s all he is.”

[mauerfrau]

🖤Okay but now do Imma

Get Out Your Burn Ointment || Accepting

@thisurlislongerthanatolstoynovel

“Have you ever...well, this will sound weird, but stay with me. Have you ever fallen in love with a brick wall? And it’s a lovely, handsome, strong brick wall, whom you utterly adore. But a brick wall nonetheless. That’s what it’s like to love this man. I don’t know if he fakes his ignorance or if it’s genuine at times. But surely, surely, a man of his status and prestige and history can’t be that dumb. How is it so hard to tell that someone is completely infatuated with you? He has to know, right? But if he does know, then he’s just being cruel by continuing his ignorant façade. You know I love him, but sometimes I just want to take a hammer to his brick wall face and knock either some sense or courtesy into him. Except then I look at him and all I want is to be in his arms.

Ugh. Fuck.”

[mauerfrau]

🖤 have I sent this yet?

Get Out Your Burn Ointment || Accepting 

 @radiomayak​

“It’s...it’s sadness, really, is what it is. It’s like, if you once saw a grizzly bear, and it was in its prime. Powerful, strong, knows how to get its way and will do anything it wants. It was a frightening sight, but so awe-inspiring too. It was majestic and amazing and a pure wonder that you looked up to, despite feeling like a tiny mouse when next to it. 

And then the bear got shot in the foot. And now he sits in a corner, moping. He sucks honey off his paws because he can’t seem to fend for himself anymore. He’s let his beautiful, muscle bulk give way to fat and loose fur. Sometimes, if you poke him enough, he’ll finally bite back. But outside of that? It’s like he only wants to be a rug at this point. And I...I just wish he’d let me help him. I wish he’d let me hug him.” 

[mauerfrau]

🖤

Get Out Your Burn Ointment || Accepting

@ourfairdominion

“How does a man with a vast arctic wilderness and moose under his belt come out being a total, maple scented fluff noodle? Do you think his strategy for dealing with angry wildlife was to just roll over and beg for tummy rubs? I give him credit for living next to Alfred though. Maybe that’s what all his strength gets used up for.”

[mauerfrau]

🖤 .

Get Out Your Burn Ointment || Accepting

@ehrendame

“Calling some a Bavarian is insult enough. But if you want some details...She’s like someone who peaked in high school but never got the memo. She fancies herself far more important than she is. And the fact that she honestly thinks she can be considered an equal rival to me.” She snorts and rolls her eyes. “It’s cute, in a really sad way. Like a kitten hissing at a lioness.”