The 12 days of Badverts - Day 1
I did have an idea of “reviewing” the torrent of goodwill and joy (mostly, there is that one more sombre ad) for a little while. However I thought it was a good idea to wait until December, as I am NOT A ******* MONSTER.
There are a massive amount of Christmas Ads this year, all wanting to perform the double honour of pulling both the heart strings AND the purse strings. So naturally, I want to rip into a few. Twelve to be exact.
So let us begin, with a touching tale of the excitement of the night before Christmas, and the cheek of “Man’s Best Friend”
Meet Buster, a very excitable Boxer, who enjoys the company of...Who am I kidding!? Why am I telling you the story of the advert? You, your family, your friends, your “Facebook” friends and even your Facebook “Friends” have seen this thing. I mean it is almost impossible to NOT put John Lewis and Christmas in the same sentence. Let’s just get to the part where I rant a little.
First of all, what kid could sleep with that racket going on outside? Kudos to the dad for the effort, but he was one hammer away from making Jeremy Clarkson say “Go over there, I’ll take over”.
(At this point. I would like to take some time to address the crowd that complained by saying “My kid/s will now know Santa Claus is not real”, with the following: *clears throat* GET OVER IT, IT WILL HAPPEN, AND YOUR KID WILL NOT BE ANY WORSE OFF BY KNOWING. I MEAN IT DID NOT AFFECT ME WHEN I FOUND OUT, AND I AM A WELL-ADJUSTED PERSON FOR KNOWING.)
Next, The Animals of Farthing Wood would have been nowhere near as traumatic if the woodland creatures just pitched in for a trampoline and had a nice time, and look, we have at least one hedgehog! The other is on the M56, between Junctions 10 and 11.
Finally, Buster, Buster, Buster. You had to go and do it didn’t you. You could not wait for the kid to use it, get bored of it, and the first signs of rust to start showing. You had to be first... well, Seventh? Wait. Two Foxes, a Badger, a Squirrel and a Hedgehog? Ah, Sixth? Yeah, Sixth?
To the man walking past the much more awesome present of a Telephone Box? Yes, you are seeing this.
On the first day of Badverts, the Rant Man gave to me:
A Dog on a Trampoline!