#but you never know...

[smoothandroid]

YES the cute boy from the wetlands called me to check my email...could this be my moment....

[dorydotcom]

Pomegranates are so not worth the effort.

[openheartconfessions]

Confession: Is it just me… that I thought Esme would turn out to be Ethan’s stepsister when I saw her and Ethan’s mother first. Their hairstyles kinda matched. Idk… there should be that twist…

[not-so-missing-ache]

I just realized this....

dead Strelitzia, dead Lauriam, and Brain before he did a face reveal all have the same sorta shadow thing on their face

[theoriginalladya]

Six Sentence Sunday ... and more

Yeah, this is a lot more than just six ...   Not even sure where this idea came from, but it started pouring out today after playing through the end of Caleb’s NG+ game last night.  *goes to start up a new game*

~~~

There is an underlying urgent hum of activity in the air as Kaidan enters the War Room, but for all of that things appear, at least outwardly, to be running normal.  He recognizes the faces on duty now, nods in lieu of a salute when they notice his presence.  On the far side of the room, he can just hear a pair of familiar voices coming from the QEC, so he sets his destination there.  By the time he enters, however, the conversation is over and he manages to catch the last hint of shape of Admiral Hackett as it fades.  Shepard stands at the console, slightly bent forward, arms braced against it.

Kaidan frowns.  Something’s wrong.  He clears his throat to announce his presence before stepping further into the room.  “Let me guess, the admiral doesn’t like the stunt you pulled with Aria.”

A soft huff of air escapes Shepard’s lips as he pushes away from the console and turns to face Kaidan.  “Close,” he mutters.  

Kaidan lets him walk by without further comment. There are times he knows Shepard needs a few minutes to sort things out – in his head, in his heart, or in other ways – and this appears to be one of them.  Instead, he follows after him and bides his time.  They make it about halfway between the War Room and the CIC before Shepard veers off into the conference room to stare out the windows.  That’s when Kaidan knows whatever troubles him is far weightier than it appears on the surface.

Shepard braces his arms against the bulkhead, his eyes focused on the stars and the soft glow that surrounds the Normandy. “Do you ever wonder if you’ve made the right decision,” he asks quietly.

“You’ll need to be a bit more specific,” Kaidan returns.  “I’ve made a lot of decisions over the years, some more important than others.”  And some I will regret until the end of my days, he adds silently.  Shepard peeks over at him and the look in his eyes assures him he’s aware of that, too.

Shepard turns and folds his arms across his chest. There’s something in his eyes, something Kaidan can’t quite put a name to, and it sends a chill up his spine. As if … As if he knows the end is near.  A ripple of unease works across Kaidan’s shoulders, down his arms, leaving him slightly breathless in the process.  “What’s wrong?”  He waits a moment; Shepard remains silent.  “This isn’t about what happened on Omega, is it?”

Shepard shakes his head.  “No.”

Kaidan rounds the conference table and uses it to lean against directly across from him before asking quietly, “Which decision are you talking about?”  Something in Shepard’s voice leaves him unsure he wants to know.

Shepard inhales slowly, his chest rising as the air fills it.  “Saving the Destiny Ascension three years ago.”

Kaidan blinks.  A sudden lump of dread expands in his belly to the point where he almost feels sick because of it.  “Wow, that’s … that’s right out of left field, don’t you think?”

Their eyes meet and in Shepard’s, he can see the thoughts whirling just behind the piercing blue.  It’s not genuine regret, really, but something else driving this. Something that is troubling him. Reaching out his hand, Kaidan lays it across one of Shepard’s forearms and squeezes.  “Talk to me,” he insists.  “I’m here.”  He may not like whatever it is Shepard has to say, but he’s going to be here this time, no matter what.

Shepard’s eyes fall to where Kaidan’s hand lies and Kaidan is about to pull back, but as if sensing that, Shepard shifts to take it in his.  He squeezes back in reassurance and just stands there, holding it.  A chill runs up from their connection, Shepard’s hands are always colder than his, but Kaidan doesn’t pull away.  “The asari are holding something back,” Shepard says softly, just barely loud enough for Kaidan to hear.  “I can sense it every time I speak with Councilor Tevos.  Aria hinted as much, too.  And whatever it is, it’s big.”  He sighs before lifting his gaze back to Kaidan’s.  “It has to be … They’re invested in the Crucible now, but they don’t want to jump both feet in and –.”

“And you can’t help but wonder if by not saving the Destiny Ascension the new asari councilor would be more cooperative?” Kaidan finishes for him.

Shepard’s eyes close and a visible tremble ripples throughout his body, but he nods.  “It sounds so much worse when you say it aloud,” he mutters, glancing away.

Kaidan tightens his hand around Shepard’s and tugs. It effectively pulls him from the wall, standing with less than a foot between them.  “I won’t begin to suggest I know what you go through on a daily basis with all of this,” he says while using his free hand to gesture toward the War Room, “but I do know it isn’t easy.  The fact that you have doubts only proves just how human you are.”

Shepard snorts, shakes his head, but remains silent.

“You doubt me?”

Another tremor shudders through Shepard, one that Kaidan feels through their hands.  “Weren’t you the one who doubted me a year ago?”

Kaidan leans in until only inches separate them. “I thought you said you forgave that back then?”

Shepard’s Adam’s apple bobs tightly and the corners of his eyes crease tightly as if in pain.  “I – I did,” he insists.

“Then believe me,” Kaidan continues quietly, eyes flaring with intensity as he speaks, “when I tell you I have absolutely no doubts about you now.  None whatsoever.”  Shepard’s eyes close on a ragged sigh; far from relief, it’s more indicative of insecurity than anything.  Whatever it is troubling him, Kaidan is certain it has roots far deeper than doubts about his friends and allies.  “Come on,” he says, his voice softer as he tightens his hand around Shepard’s again, “you need some rest, I think.”

Shepard’s laugh is forced and very rough around the edges, but he doesn’t argue as Kaidan leads him out of the conference room.

[anonkp]

New chapter is up. Thanks for reading!

. . . When Deeks woke, he lay still with his eyes closed, trying to keep the dull throbbing in his arm from pulling him all the way to consciousness. He wanted to hold onto the dream's details, to figure out what it meant. He'd become close with Jameson, and the man seemed to see him as a friend. But did he actually return the feelings? How could he possibly feel anything but revulsion toward a homicidal maniac who wouldn't think twice about torturing and killing Derrick, his own son?

Still, Deeks had literally taken a bullet for the man, reacting without thought to protect him. Why had he done that? It wasn't to maintain his cover. He couldn't possibly have processed that logic so quickly under fire. Was it to keep the Brothers' sanest leader alive so he could finish his mission and go home? He did believe the op had its best chance of success if Jameson continued in his role as Johnson's second in command, but that hadn't driven his reaction either. Maybe it just boiled down to his LAPD training and his general drive to protect people. Instinct, just like he'd told Jameson.

He hated this part of undercover work, where you had to rely on the bad guys to keep you alive, and he knew from past experience that fighting together sometimes led to bonds being formed in the battles waged. He thought once more about how Jameson had been raised surrounded by hate and had never had a chance to learn any alternative ways to understand the world. He saw a little of himself in the man, in their painful childhoods, except the lack of any better influences along the way had kept Jameson from finding a more constructive path in life. . .

[lyricfulloflight]

New Writing Milestone

Sent out my children’s book manuscript to 2 publishers today.

We shall see how it goes.

Feeling brave enough to send it out, but ambivalent enough to not care too much about the result (kinda having a down day mood wise).

Thank you to those of you who sent me words of advice and encouragement - it was greatly appreciated :)