Thinking vs. Education
This past semester of college, the first semester of my junior year, was one of the most enjoyable (or, least miserable) I've had. Early in the semester, I found myself often thinking about how there's an inverse relationship between how much I 'think' (in the way that makes me 'depressed', I guess) and my motivation to do well in school. I desperately wanted to be motivated because it would save me a lot of misery when it comes to school. This probably stems from the fact that, ever since I was young, I've had to finish my school work no matter what. Even if I'd procrastinated up until midnight the night before, I'd stay up all night to finish an assignment, or study for a test, if necessary. This probably has a lot to do with how I was raised, and I find it to be a pretty convenient trait to have.
For a Physics student at CSM, the first semester of junior year is a rather foreboding one. So, for the beginning weeks of the semester, I tried my best to avoid in-depth thoughts that caused me to question the value of school (or, perhaps, my own motivation), or really to think much at all about topics outside of my studies. Aside from all of this, I also moved in with a new roommate, who's also in the Physics department; further, I left my gaming consoles, guitar, and other distractions with my parents. This past semester ended up being my most focused, and least miserable, semester at the school so far. This was also probably assisted by the fact that most of my classes were 'actual' Physics classes for the first time, which I enjoyed.
Now that the semester is over, though, one of the fears that I had at the beginning of the semester seems to be fulfilled...sort of. I've been afraid that, in the future, I'll be the kind of person I'd much rather not: one who blocks out thinking 'too much' in the interest of happiness, essentially being a cliché human. That I'll think everything I thought in the past was silly, and just accept societal/familial norms because I don't think it's that big of a deal.While I have restrained my thinking for educational purposes, I still seem to be 'logical' in the same way that I was before. Perhaps I can avoid the extremes of being either depressed from thinking or happy from not thinking, and just keep (and continue to build upon?) the logical foundation I've formed while keeping it reasonably subdued.