I just wanted this feeling to just disappear as soon as you left me hanging, but somehow I ended up stuck... stuck in this rut of everlasting purgatory of emotion. The more time goes, the more I realized how much I meant to you... it wasn't that much. Such big, profound words... but the outcome... your actions proved opposite… opposite of those words you swore meant something… those words I bite my tongue down and pressed my lips tight to not utter… but I did, for you… I did…
I typed and kept typing all these e-mails to you.. maybe 5? And nothing... I was nothing to you. I called it, I knew that it was too good to be true... I wasn't your person as I allowed you to be mine... You said it first, you said you meant it. I trusted your feelings. I trusted you. I let you in. In an instance, just like that... you left me with my heart in my hands as i had offered it... openly. Open to the elements, unprotected, all because I allowed myself to believe you would protect it.
I sit here, waiting for time to pass, waiting for time to heal and recover this heart back into my chest. It's really been a rough month... so much has gone down... I'm just waiting to hit bottom so I can start my climb back up... this foundation has so many cracks already... I'm just so tired... This is my crutch... I give it all... My results come back negative.
I need to stop lying to myself, I need to stop hoping, if you wanted me... you wouldn't have let me go so easily... you let me go so easily... I gave it all to you so easily... I'm such a fool, I keep fooling myself. I keep putting myself in this repeat cycle... I need to let you go, just as easily as you let me slip through your fingers...
I wasn't enough for you... My life story... I'm not enough for anyone... I'm just done with this... Never will I put myself out there like that again...
So I will sit here, watching... waiting... until time allows these painful feelings fade away like this sunset.... and soon that part of my heart will never come out and will remain in darkness...