Outlets
Well one of the earliest experiences I had with an outlet involved a fork...
Oh what? This isn’t about literal electrical outlets? Whaaa? You think its way too cliche to start with a seemingly unrelated subject to segue into what I want to talk about? Well screw you, I can start my posts anyway I want to. Wtfudge... Why am I even trying to rationalize my thought process to someone I may or may not even know? Huh? Yea, I continued this conversation for waaaay longer than necessary. And now its even more awkward that I’m assuming to know what you’re think about this opening paragraph. I’ll just stop. Now...
Anyways, I haven’t tried to write out my thoughts or feelings in a really long time.... Like... a couple years long. I always felt that my prose was a bit boring, and it generally turned into some sort of self loathing type of thing (and just by saying that, I think I just proved my point...). Whether or not that was healthy doesn't matter too much, but I know I definitely miss an outlet...
Oh man, small exposition time: I remember back in middle school, Xanga had totally just became a thing, and I would get so butt hurt that nobody read what I had to say. I probably used to write my every waking thought on there, and I suppose as a middle schooler, I was only looking for some self gratification. And as I’ve grown older, as has anyone who is reading this knows, sometimes that notoriety just never happens, which is completely fine and normal. Anyways, yea... mother-fudgin’ XANGA people. Oh man, the lives I ruined on there... (mainly mine)
... But back to the topic at hand. Outlets are important I think. I can imagine many people spend a lot of their time not saying what they want to, cuz I certainly do. And then of course, you have the people that speak their mind, and they’re either super cool, or super weird, or super amazing or... I’ll just stop now. I’m of the type that keep my mouth shut generally, which means outlets like this are important. I don’t usually speak my mind cuz I’m way too scared of how others will react, or that social norms require me not to say something I want to. Its not bad by any means though, I can still carry a conversation with most anyone (for like half a second maybe). Outlets are by no means replacements for real conversations either. Social interaction is a staple of living, and while I totally have become a recluse who sits in front of the computer most of the day, I too need to talk to somebody every now and then (usually more then than now, but that’s neither here nor there... or anywhere for that matter. Wow, this parenthesis is getting quite long - I’ll just stop here). Its always good to get a little perspective on some piece of news or gossip. And it is way more fun when you can laugh about something with someone else, than alone (hahahaha. See, that was a sad lonely laugh...).
But just as important it is to speak you mind with someone you can confide in, internal meditation is important too. I don’t generally do it too often, but I remember now that it was in outlets like my posts that I would meditate on my life, and it was then that I truly knew myself. It also really helped to look back on my life and see what a frikken %$%#&^% I was. I hate to reminisce (which is a story for another day), but these kind of posts really give me a way to see into what kind of person I was, and how I would like to change myself.
And uhh... yea. Outlets provide a place for me to be myself. I always felt like xanga was kinda my open diary for anyone to read if they wanted to, but probably wouldn’t, in that no one would understand my inside jokes (like literally inside my mind), and wouldn’t want to read my terrible grammarisms and run-on sentences that almost took up an entire paragraph when I could have totally cut them off 20 words ago. Outlets provided a place to let my internal comedian out for just a little while and try to be funny without the harsh judgmental looks of an audience (What’s up with those purple polkadot elephants though? *cricket*cricket*)
So while I doubt anyone will ever actually read my essay of a post, I think its high time I started to post again. Everyone needs to let off steam now and then, and I think I’ve hit a point in life that I need an outlet for all the stuff that’s built up over the last few years.
Cheers peeps. And keep reaching for the stars! (hey. Its a work in progress. How else am I supposed to end these things?)