#c: ref

[weatheredprince]

I just realised that I really need to have a good long chat with Ref about when Sharky and I move out of the apartment.

Ref's very attached to the apartment, and I have to get him to decide if he wants to unbind and stay here, or come with us to the next apartment.

I hope he comes with us. :(

[weatheredprince]

So I finally sat down with both werewolves' vessels to find the sulky boys and have a nice chat.

When my mind finally settled into it, I found myself in Kar's preferred grassy fields, although instead of the sunny weather we had once before, this time the sky was dark with storm clouds. There wasn't any rain or thunder, but bright flashes of lightening shot out between them.

I called out to the wolves, and the first to come forward was Mace. He settled next to me. "I failed." Excuse me? "I failed to protect you." So that really was it. They were off sulking because they thought they'd somehow done me wrong with this last nasty thing.

I explained to him it wasn't his fault. Honestly, I should have known sooner that something was wrong. I should have seen that they needed my help, and given it more quickly. He tried to argue, but honestly. That's how this should work. I can only hope for their best when they're protecting me, but if their best isn't quite enough, I need them to let me know when I can lend a hand. Or at the very least, let me know when they need a healing touch.

Once Mace was reassured, I started calling out for Kar. He was very reluctant to come forward, and in his displeasure at 'failing' me, he shifted to his human form. He laid his head in my lap, and I expressed my surprise. I'd never seen him in his human form before - both wolves seem to prefer their wolf form around me. "Does it displease you?" No, not really. It's just a little strange, since I'm so used to his wolf form. He shifted back to his wolf body, head still in my lap, and I went through the same argument I had just finished with Mace.

Eventually, both were calmed and had more or less accepted my thoughts on the matter. Still upset that they weren't able to do more, but resigned to letting me know if trouble arose that was dangerous enough to pose a threat to them.

At the very end, we three were curled against each other, laughing a bit about things like how Mace's fur is so much more silky than Kar's rough fur. I mentioned that Ref must not consider the wolves dogs, as his distaste for dogs in general didn't seem to extent to the wolves themselves. I felt Ref tune in to our conversation, summoned by the mention of his name. Kar chuckled, saying he'd beat the kitsune up a bit if he referred to either of them as dogs.

"Do you really think you could take on Ref?"  "Do you want to see us test that?"  "You know I don't want you fighting each other."

I left them feeling much, much better about things. I'm glad they understand where I'm coming from, and I know to let them at anything new that tries to get in at me, because they'll probably feel the need to redeem themselves.

[weatheredprince]

Telling your spirits you'd like them to hang around on Christmas, and getting a few grumbles because someone doesn't like my dad's great danes...

Suck it up, Ref. It's going to be fun and loving and it means a lot to spend our first Christmas together.

Everyone else seems to be content, though. I explained bits of Christmas to those who didn't really get it, but only the way I celebrate and regard it.

[weatheredprince]

Any time I post about my conversations with Ref on here (and it's always with Ref, he seems to 'speak' the most, and it's always at home where I have my laptop), he gives me the weirdest looks.

I just have this thing with documenting things, so I'll remember them. So I can look back later, even if we part ways, and go, "Yeah. That happened."

It may be silly... But it's important to me.

Maybe that's why he's never told me to stop.

... Or he just doesn't want to tell me not to do things / knows saying to stop won't stop it. Because he's made it clear that he doesn't understand my need to scare myself and then seek comfort from him, but he refuses to actually ask me to stop.

[weatheredprince]

I've never before asked my spirits what their ethnicity is. I'm not even positive it always applies. So this is the first ever time I've ever brought up the question...

“Are you Japanese?”

“… Excuse me?”

“Are you Japanese?”

“… Why?”

“Because I’m going to learn Japanese, and maybe you could help.”

“You just don’t want me laughing at you.”

“… Well?”

“Yes.”

That smile he has is telling me I am going to greatly regret teasing him so much. But at least he hasn't outright told me he won't help me. More so, I should assume that he absolutely will - but I will have to pay a price for it.

"I'm sorry that I call out your social awkwardness and cute facial markings?"

"You know that is not going to cut it."

[weatheredprince]

"Could you go and check on her? Just make sure everything's okay."

Ref frowns from where he's leaning against the doorway, considering the request before replying. "It wouldn't do any good. He doesn't want me there." I don't have to ask who 'he' is. Only one of the angels has expressed distaste in the kitsune.

"It doesn't sound like he's even around right now, though... She needs someone. I don't like that she's hearing noises, after the mirror thing."

With a slight shake of his head, he moves further into the room, settling on the free edge of my bed. "I'm staying here."

I pout, but don't press my luck. Him keeping me company is better than I expected to get tonight, since I'm inflicting this freak-out session on myself. Instead I search for Pae, giving our connection a questioning tug. I get a soft laugh in response. "Of course," and I feel him slip away. He doesn't have the strong, 'kick your ass' energy that Ref gives off, but his natural calming aura does wonders for a panicked mind.

    I'm a little disappointed, but because he denied my request for him to check on Kitty, he stayed here in my room because he knew I was about to go on to freak myself out as well.

I don't hold the rejection against him though. Z's this large guy with a sword, and I don't want to send my spirits into a fight when all I want to do is check up on someone. Even if Ref can easily keep himself well in a scrap.

And at least Pae accepted the request. I don't often ask much of them as far as doing things that aren't just speaking with me or staying near me. So it makes me happy that (sometimes) my spirits will just accept a request, or that when they don't, their reasons are easy to understand.

("Are you novelizing me? Just go back to your horror stories."  I want to write things like this down, even though someone is scoffing at the need. I think he should be happy I paused to write down this conversation, and less quick to rush me back to my creepypastas.)

[weatheredprince]

I’ve noticed that if someone really wants to grab my attention, I’ll get a bit of headrush. Not enough to be alarming, just enough to notice it.

So I decided I’d give in and meditate a bit. I haven’t in over a week, and even then I was shitty and out of practice. For a long while I wander around the darkness, nothing is showing up. A few minutes in I feel someone in the room, which is abnormal to my normal interactions with the spirits during meditation. It feels humanoid, taking steps around the room but keeping a bit of distance. But I don’t feel threatened, so I don’t bring myself out of it to look around.

Finally I stumble upon Tia and Pae, having a conversation I can’t overhear. They look surprised to see me, it wasn’t either of them who was calling me. But they’re pleased to see me nonetheless. I fall against Tia’s chest, nuzzling my face into her neck as she wraps her arms around me. I apologize properly for her vessel breaking, and she waves it off. I ask if I can add a new bead should I find a nice one, and she accepts. As long as its pink.

I’m still feeling upset over it so she pulls back, roughly ruffling my hair in reprimand. “It’s fine. Just listen to me next time.” I promise that I will.

I ask if they know who was in the room with me. “Probably that kitsune,” Tia guesses, glancing around the darkness we’re standing in like she can see the living room beyond it. I’d guessed that as well - no one else in the house has such strong energy.

We talk about a few more things, such as their horoscope signs (I was curious, and I was told Virgo and Leo. I doubt the answers and say ill use the pendulum to verify, and once again I’m scolded for doubting myself. I’m growing used to being scolded affectionately by my spirit family.) I wonder if I should take Realte’s vessel to a bookstore tomorrow, like I promised. I promise to wear Tia’s vessel on Monday.

But soon I can tell my body is growing restless already, I’m itching to snap out of it. Tia releases me, saying its alright, I can go. “You’re still in the learning stages. It’s alright. Just keep trying.” She places a light kiss on my forehead, and passes me to Pae, who has been quietly watching us, he kisses the same spot.

And I open my eyes. I’m so happy to have finally spent some time with Tia. I love her so much, but sometimes I feel a disconnect. I don’t want to have that between us.

[weatheredprince]

So I took most of the spirits with me on our trip to my grandparents house (left Ref at home to watch over things, and Teir stayed behind with him.) I heard snickering when my grandmother started pulling out my old children’s books and started going on about how I loved them.

Jerks.