he remembers the days he preferred being behind the camera, taking photos of others, compared to being in front of it. performing, sure, that’s different in and of itself to him but posing in front of a camera? modeling for a specific purpose and not dancing or even singing now to some effect? the two are almost completely separate to him. as much as he ought to marry the two ideas together, especially as an idol, he thinks the title of the drama itself also follows his line of thinking. entertainers through music, through performance, but modeling is its own special kind of performance.
this is a truth he slowly becomes more comfortable with each time they do a photoshoot for an album cover, promotions, interviews, a number of things. the workshops he’s taken don’t seem like enough and he considers returning to them, to more lessons and practice (as if he doesn’t stay at the company long enough on most days).
would that suffice? would he feel more comfortable? he considers it again when he watches his co-stars take their turns, together and apart. kangjoon just has that model look to him and sejeong makes almost anything seem natural with her personality.
he wonders when he lost that trait himself. just around what time did he allow his light to dim til he reached this point?
his character is cheerful and optimistic, secretly stubborn in hoseok’s opinion, and the closeness to his mother makes him sulk unintentionally on his own. the character’s background is so different from his, acting in a complete role is overwhelming when he compares it to the cameo he did not too long ago.
but he wants this, to act, to learn, to be someone else and understand how it feels to be in their shoes and it’s a connection with a character, with the fans, on a different level than he’s used to with performance. so, for now, he continues to smile, resolve burning a bit brighter than when he psyched himself out before the shoot began.
so much goes into stage production. hoseok is glad to know this fact well from his high school days when he especially participated. but when it comes to the scale of music shows and the end of the year shows in particular? he can’t imagine it. part of him still thinks of the couch they had to perform a bonus track for the first week of promotions. he recalls things like painted cardboard and people dressed as trees. that might be an exaggeration of his memory from primary school more so than when he attended sunhwa but the point is there: he’s in awe.
perhaps that’s why he finds it harder to rest in the backstage area from time to time, restlessness tugging at his limbs every so often and in every direction at that. he’d much take the time to greet sunbaes and hoobaes, to reach out first even if the tradition is to visit your seniors in the industry. he’d rather offer a guiding hand, words of encouragement, than exchange pleasantries in the end. another alternative his mind tends to dance around is helping the stage crew and whether that’s old habits or his endless appreciation overflowing, he can’t tell.
plopping down on the couch in the backroom, he lets out a deep breath, closing his eyes as he tries to remember what the stage background will look like for them this time. a lot goes into design too. he’s appreciated that since their debut as well and with the upcoming anniversary, he thinks over and over of how to express their gratitude. every day, he could try as much as possible and it wouldn’t feel like enough to thank their consta.
the name itself still strikes so close to the heart for him. consta. to match their own name. because they’re the stars that light up the darkness for convex, because they are convex’s constant. he’s craved a constant in his life as long as he can remember. smiling as he looks around at what each member is doing, he cups his cheek in his hand with a light shake of his head. this is a beautiful constant too, right? no matter the changes, some things continue to be the same.
though he doesn’t quite remember exactly how the details came together— such as the inspiration or how it even came up or simply the reason why it was decided upon— he does know this: he agreed to it. it’s both as simple and difficult as that. while he isn’t shy about baring his body, it’s the notion that revealing his abs is a promise, essentially a reward, for getting enough sales, enough views, and certainly a large amount of streaming in order to get them the win.
thankfully, he’s not doing it alone and he doubts he would’ve personally chosen it himself if left to his own devices. if anything, he wants to thank them endlessly. in person, through social media, in a song if he could and that’s an idea he tables for the time being as he unwittingly rubs his stomach, fingertips trailing over the hem of the cotton shirt he’s worn for now. whether the butterflies are because of the anticipation over a win or of baring his abs if they do win today, it’s a pretty close race. maybe he should’ve had something with less salt today.
a friend of his had sent a montage of this gym worker who also participates in body building shows. a contestant of world class that eats as if she’s a professional food... is it just food eater? aa, he doesn’t have a single clue but he’s picked up a few supposed tips from there to define muscles yet food seems her profession as much as working out. or is it a hobby? it’s the same question he has for what he does now and when his grandmother’s friends as, he’s as proud as ever whenever she tells then that he’s doing what he loves, that, yes, a hobby can be a career, that he truly happy, and, especially for her sake, he is. win or not, he is.
