spicy jalapeño topping

★ yoosung by day, zen by (k)night —

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 9월 、 THE IN-BETWEEN

so much goes into stage production. hoseok is glad to know this fact well from his high school days when he especially participated. but when it comes to the scale of music shows and the end of the year shows in particular? he can’t imagine it. part of him still thinks of the couch they had to perform a bonus track for the first week of promotions. he recalls things like painted cardboard and people dressed as trees. that might be an exaggeration of his memory from primary school more so than when he attended sunhwa but the point is there: he’s in awe. 

perhaps that’s why he finds it harder to rest in the backstage area from time to time, restlessness tugging at his limbs every so often and in every direction at that. he’d much take the time to greet sunbaes and hoobaes, to reach out first even if the tradition is to visit your seniors in the industry. he’d rather offer a guiding hand, words of encouragement, than exchange pleasantries in the end. another alternative his mind tends to dance around is helping the stage crew and whether that’s old habits or his endless appreciation overflowing, he can’t tell. 

plopping down on the couch in the backroom, he lets out a deep breath, closing his eyes as he tries to remember what the stage background will look like for them this time. a lot goes into design too. he’s appreciated that since their debut as well and with the upcoming anniversary, he thinks over and over of how to express their gratitude. every day, he could try as much as possible and it wouldn’t feel like enough to thank their consta. 

the name itself still strikes so close to the heart for him. consta. to match their own name. because they’re the stars that light up the darkness for convex, because they are convex’s constant. he’s craved a constant in his life as long as he can remember. smiling as he looks around at what each member is doing, he cups his cheek in his hand with a light shake of his head. this is a beautiful constant too, right? no matter the changes, some things continue to be the same. 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 9월 、 ONCE UPON A TIME

the upcoming holiday doesn’t fully settle on his mind until it’s nearly the actual day of. unintentionally, he sees it as another holiday his grandmother has to prepare for alone but she isn’t. when he video calls her the night before festivities begin, he realizes the one more alone might be him. the dorm is quieter than usual and he might be one of the only members home. it certainly seems like it when things are far more boisterous on her end of the call.

she seems wide awake for how late it is and he attributes it largely in part to the number of people surrounding her, bustling about here and there. when he yawns at some point, simply listening to everyone chat on the other side, she teases him for not having any energy right now. his mornings, especially, during promotions, are just as early as hers and yet here she is. got him absolutely beat and he’s thrilled to see it.

it’s a shame at this point that he didn’t attempt something similar to this with the group members and he thinks another time but they might be too busy later on. wouldn’t that be just as nice?

with how his grandmother moves about, tackling task after task, it’s no wonder he’s a workaholic, only resting now for the sake of observing through the call, of living vicariously through those that get to be in the meng household this holiday season and helping out when he can’t. was it really so long ago?

he’s not the same person now is he? instead, he hopes to go home one day and see his grandmother in her own house. a place even but he’s always aimed high. a house with the kitchen of her dreams or anything else of her dreams. for everything she’s done, he’d give anything to see even but one dream of hers come to fruition. 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 9월 、 WIN OR NOT

though he doesn’t quite remember exactly how the details came together— such as the inspiration or how it even came up or simply the reason why it was decided upon— he does know this: he agreed to it. it’s both as simple and difficult as that. while he isn’t shy about baring his body, it’s the notion that revealing his abs is a promise, essentially a reward, for getting enough sales, enough views, and certainly a large amount of streaming in order to get them the win.

thankfully, he’s not doing it alone and he doubts he would’ve personally chosen it himself if left to his own devices. if anything, he wants to thank them endlessly. in person, through social media, in a song if he could and that’s an idea he tables for the time being as he unwittingly rubs his stomach, fingertips trailing over the hem of the cotton shirt he’s worn for now. whether the butterflies are because of the anticipation over a win or of baring his abs if they do win today, it’s a pretty close race. maybe he should’ve had something with less salt today. 

a friend of his had sent a montage of this gym worker who also participates in body building shows. a contestant of world class that eats as if she’s a professional food... is it just food eater? aa, he doesn’t have a single clue but he’s picked up a few supposed tips from there to define muscles yet food seems her profession as much as working out. or is it a hobby? it’s the same question he has for what he does now and when his grandmother’s friends as, he’s as proud as ever whenever she tells then that he’s doing what he loves, that, yes, a hobby can be a career, that he truly happy, and, especially for her sake, he is. win or not, he is.

[rklandon]

masked,

rkxroyal​:

“i wish.” woohyun snorts. the idea is fun– if not a little far-fetched. maybe in woohyun’s wildest dreams. but it’s still exciting, a bit nerve-wracking; king of masked singer had been a show he loves to watch, loves to guess along with the panel members. he even wants to perform on it, someday. seungcheol being on it is something inspiring, and it gets him even more excited for the event. “i just really like it~”

he hums at the question. he’s seen so many different types, that he isn’t quite sure. ballad is probably the best suited answer, but trot…woohyun would be ecstatic. “i hope it’s trot.” he says after a moment, nodding to himself. “that would be fun. i always love hearing it– it’s fun! fun to dance along to.” it’s almost impossible for him to sit still in trot performances; there’s something about it that always makes him dance.

“i wonder if we’ll know anyone.” he wonders after a moment, humming as he tilts his head to stare up at the ceiling of the van. “either on the panel or one of the contestants.” that would be surprising; being a panelist on an episode where they knew the contestant. it would have been cool to be here for seungcheol, but woohyun won’t complain at the opportunity given at all.

"aiya, hyung. it’s much more than a wish! it’s possible!” he can’t imagine there’s no interest in having woohyun on masked singer. if anything, he considers it more likely that it’s more difficult to invite him because his voice is so distinct, easy to tell, an easier win even. really, is it fair to have woohyun compete on the show? aa, that is how it works, right? 

“me too. i think it’d be exciting but i might want to stand up if that happens. are we allowed to? we can, right? if it suits the song...” or is it that too much? rude even? he isn’t certain. “dancing is a good reaction. yes! we should dance if it’s trot.” at the very least, he knows he has to sway, reach out for woohyun to move along with him. 

drumming his fingers on his thigh, he stretches his neck, tongue poking his inner cheek. would they have heard by now if any other idols were going? he’d personally like to know beforehand but he doubts they’d be given notice. “i hope we do! it’d be even more fun. who do you want to see? anyone in particular,” he chuckles, knowing a few of the members probably have someone in mind like sehun and his visits to the heartz practice room. aa, it could’ve just been once but that’s enough if any company gossips were around.  

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 9월 23일 、 MODEL BEHAVIOR

he remembers the days he preferred being behind the camera, taking photos of others, compared to being in front of it. performing, sure, that’s different in and of itself to him but posing in front of a camera? modeling for a specific purpose and not dancing or even singing now to some effect? the two are almost completely separate to him. as much as he ought to marry the two ideas together, especially as an idol, he thinks the title of the drama itself also follows his line of thinking. entertainers through music, through performance, but modeling is its own special kind of performance. 

this is a truth he slowly becomes more comfortable with each time they do a photoshoot for an album cover, promotions, interviews, a number of things. the workshops he’s taken don’t seem like enough and he considers returning to them, to more lessons and practice (as if he doesn’t stay at the company long enough on most days). 

would that suffice? would he feel more comfortable? he considers it again when he watches his co-stars take their turns, together and apart. kangjoon just has that model look to him and sejeong makes almost anything seem natural with her personality. 

he wonders when he lost that trait himself. just around what time did he allow his light to dim til he reached this point? 

his character is cheerful and optimistic, secretly stubborn in hoseok’s opinion, and the closeness to his mother makes him sulk unintentionally on his own. the character’s background is so different from his, acting in a complete role is overwhelming when he compares it to the cameo he did not too long ago. 

but he wants this, to act, to learn, to be someone else and understand how it feels to be in their shoes and it’s a connection with a character, with the fans, on a different level than he’s used to with performance. so, for now, he continues to smile, resolve burning a bit brighter than when he psyched himself out before the shoot began. 

[rkxroyal]

masked,

@rklandon

with their comeback only days away, recordings for promotions come in full force right in the beginning of the month. he and hoseok are on the way to a recording of king of masked singer, and woohyun knows their time as a panelist is only going to fuel his want to be on the show as a contestant. he’s definitely happy about their appearance, and it’s obvious in the way he can’t stop fidgeting.

there’s music playing softly on the radio up front, and woohyun taps a rhythm on his leg, humming it softly. his feet shift against the floor of the car, one leg crossing over the other, only for him to switch legs after a moment. he can’t sit still, excitement bubbling in his form. he knows they’re only panelists, and certainly not the only ones that’ll be there– but the experience in itself is something woohyun knows he’s going to enjoy.

he lets out a soft sigh then, leaning his head back against the seat rest, staring up at the ceiling. “hoseok-ah,” he calls out quietly, as to not disturb the manager in front of the car. “i’m so excited i think i’m getting nervous.” he ends with a laugh, shaking his head to himself. it’s pretty silly of him to be getting nervous about this with the amount of other things they’ve done as convex– but he’s so excited.

[rklandon]

          king of masked singer is one of his favorite variety shows   —   if he kept up enough with all of them. normally, he’s stuck to watching those type of entertainment shows if someone he knows or is a fan of is going to be on them. from the new youtube channel samsung has now all the way back to the mgas when his own friends participated on the show. the same logic holds true now and he thinks of the episodes he watched recently after hearing seungcheol would go on and now that he and woohyun would be going. it’s just a shame that they couldn’t be there for the same episode. he would’ve had plenty of fun pretending not to recognize seungcheol, though it seems like the purpose is to try guessing right. a sense of pride or something as reward, maybe? 

          still, he thinks that’s more suited for vocal unit members. he bets jinwook could guess the singer in a matter of seconds or recognize a song right away. he’s still working on that himself, familiarizing himself with older songs, ones that aren’t as old as the ones his grandmother played for him as a kid. growing up in china had its own advantages but for pop culture in korea? not so much. the movement next to him slowly draws his attention and he’s already grinning by the time his name is called, expecting the jitters to almost transfer over to him. 

          “nervous? like we get there and they realize you should be singing so you have to emergency prepare a song nervous?” he teases, knowing it won’t happen but he’d actually he happy to see it. woohyun singing on the show seems like a matter of time, right? he’s perfect for it. then again, he’d love to see all the members get a chance one day. it’s a nice ambition, if only to show off how each of them are talented, outside of the units they’re in too. “what kind of song do you think will be sung today? a ballad? trot?” hoseok grins wider. though he wouldn’t dare sing it himself on a show like this, he does love the sound of it when others do. 

[monxgifs]

love synonym

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 8월 28일 、 FRESH AND CLEAN   

personally, he isn’t much of a perfume or cologne aficionado. at the most, he knows the princess knows of the best and priciest, if you ask him, ones. he knows that chanyeol uses an expensive one too and that hoseok choked on air when he found out the price. this, though, is different. 

when he learns of the opportunity, he spends the day thinking about what perfume ads look like. he can’t remember seeing them when he tries to remember and yet when he looks them up, he realizes he’s seen more than he thought. it reminds him of previous opportunities some of the members had and modeling for one seems harder than speaking of it. 

his thoughts drift to why him over the clear models of the group but he loves the opportunity, thinks it’s fun that he’ll be able to bring some home so throughout the photoshoot, he finds himself asking questions about scents, trying to remember what he’d looked up on each one though it’s for a newer one that he’s taking photos for from what he can tell. 

top notes, base notes, it all intrigues him as each spray wafts in the air when he tries them himself. the scents themselves are just as the brand name implies and he finds it interesting how many things it claims. even the packaging is clean and he questions if he has a clean image. for his character on entertainer, he hopes so and that might match most of all, his character and this image for the perfume. 

trying to pick out his favorite is more difficult than expected and it’s the appeal of the cleanness of the brand. maybe he’ll ask each member to pick a favorite too. in that, he hopes convex has a clean image over all, from sharp dancing to boyfriend like images from each member. that suits them too, right? 

a group promotion like this . . . now that sounds amazing. 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 8월 12일 、 SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS 

the location reminds him of another in their last mv but this one is much more terrifying. he didn’t think he had a fear of heights but looking over the city from this high is more nerve-wrecking than he expected to feel when he heard about it. 

but the overhead shots must look amazing and he puts the visuals first, thinks of how it’ll look, of how their fans will react, and he can do anything really once he thinks of their consta. 

he believes this yet when they’re done, he calls his grandmother first, tells her about it with slightly shaking hands and finds relief in when she praises him for it. for being scared and exceeding through it the way she knows he did. she’s praised his dancing before, even his singing by now, but when she praises him for being a good grandson and a good person, hoseok truly feels it. how much he loves his grandmother most in the world. no matter what his feelings were for the princess too, his grandmother is first. 

ah, might be why he considers baek jiyoung’s opinion too. gotta love a strong maternal figure, right? 

when he goes back to the group. to continuing their lunch break together, he’s calmer, more comfortable. he owes that much to them too, that he can feel vulnerable but not weak. because he knows if he went to one of them instead of calling his grandmother, they would’ve comforted him too. but he wants that connection to her now more than ever. as he continues to go places in life without her to go home to or to see him in person. 

one day, he tells himself. 

one day, he’ll be able to introduce each of them to her too and, if he could, he’d introduce the members who left too. every person who’s left an imprint on his heart.

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 8월 10일 、 DIVISION  

when they land in the united states, in california, hoseok underestimate how hot it would be. when the sun hits them, he feels his forearms burning from exposure and he’s relieved to reach the hotel. 

that is, til he notices that room division is easier with one less member and he comes back full circle. nothing changed at all from the flight, did it? he comes right back to that within moments and he stretches his neck with a deep breath. but still they’re filming a mv abroad. doesn’t that speak of how much baek jiyoung believes in them? how much she wants to put into their development and careers? 

how can he be sad when he thinks of that? 

one of the first things he does is text chanyeol, ask him a few more things about california and joke that he should’ve been better warned about the heat. it’s not like a seoul summer. it’s far more dry and he drinks more water at the thought of it. 

his mind is still on the choreography for the music video and he wonders what sets they’ll be using. how hot it’ll be when they’re dancing for hours and he looks at each member with mild concern. would they all be okay? 

so that night, his thoughts are focused on hoping for the safety of all of them for the mv filming, that there will be enough shade and rest, water and food. for now, he really wants to look around the area but there’s another thing in the back of his mind. the filming he’s missing for the show. it reminds him to send a few encouraging texts to the numbers he does have for those filming with him and some of the staff, apologizing to the director for taking time away so they have to accommodate him but that’s what scheduling is for, right? 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 8월 10일 、 FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING 

it isn’t his first time traveling to the states but it is the first with his group members, on his own without the meng family, and it seems surreal even as they get the airport. they go through the typical motions and when he picks up his bag again after they finish at security, he wonders if he should call his grandmother first. his wishes for her were once simpler. bring her to korea with him and buy her a house of her own. now, he realizes he has grander desires. take her traveling, see all the things she couldn’t do in her own lifetime with his grandfather and child. 

he has questions of his own, of course, that he’d love to ask her but he held back all those years in case it was too much. now, he understands he’s the one it would’ve been too much for, that he didn’t want those answers most of the time, didn’t know how to handle hearing about someone who couldn’t keep him. 

does he see him now? does he know that it’s him? but something makes him believe that his career wouldn’t be approved of either, even if his grandmother has never discouraged him from whatever his heart wants. hoseok is the one who holds himself back in the end, even with people. 

looking to the group members, he notes that he must be holding back with them too. that they’re family but he’s just as secretly reserved with them too. lasting connections that don’t go as deep as they could. 

how much longer can that continue? so, for now, he fidgets with his passport, how it’s different from some of theirs, and he takes a deep breath as they take a few seats before boarding. will jinwook be okay for the long flight? ah, that’s right. it’s also one of the longest flights he’s taken in a while. if he falls asleep on the plane, he wonders how much will change in waking up? 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 8월 5일 、 CRAZY IN LOVE

another comeback, another choreography— getting the choreo for their b-side this come around reminds him of the fondness for their last b-side track and his own involvement. how upbeat it is reminds him of their versatility and how different it is from the vibe of their title track. the synchronicity is one of its highlights and he hopes that it becomes one of their defining features as a group, if it isn’t already.

the news is bound to be officially made sometime this month before the comeback itself and he isn’t looking forward to it, to the reaction and aftermath. he can only hope it won’t be as chaotic as the first time they lost a member, that it’ll be the last time again.

throwing all of his energy into memorizing each part, every member’s changes just so he can offer a guiding hand if need be, so he can monitor and make comments as they go, he’s reminded of why he prefers overworking himself, keeping his mind busy. there’s no time to be sad and it’s just like their new title track says, don’t wanna cry.

how long has he told himself not to shed tears for other people when there’s so much life to live? so that he wouldn’t be wrapped up in his own past, in the people he’s lost before even getting a chance to remember them? in glimpses and fleeting images of a childhood with someone who didn’t want him. those kind of memories, he leaves behind in lieu of happier ones and he wants to do the same this time around. again and again. as many times as he has to in order to move on.

because if there’s anything his childhood taught him, if there’s anything life has taught him time and time again, it’s that life goes on with or without you. the next course of action you take is the most important from then on.

[rklandon]

rkxroyal​:

     shellshocked,

he wants to be a team for all their years as convex, and even more if their career allows it. fans always talk about idol group bonds and feeling like family; and convex does feel like one. for all their ups and downs, member losses and additions, it still feels like family. all the bad and the good of it. stressful, painful at times– but so very endearing and blissful all at the same time. “let’s promise,” he offers sleepily, smiling to himself. “together. at the finish line. wherever it may be.”

“that’s what they say. like, those foam cloud pillows they advertise.” he manages to chuckle. “we should get one. try it out– see if it feels like this.” he yawns towards the end of it, an apology leaving him with a sheepish laugh. “who’s falling asleep? me?” he lifts his head weakly, twisting to look at hoseok with a grin. “not me. wait– will you carry me?” his eyebrows raise, smile turning teasing. “are you a prince? wait, isn’t that my job?” he lets out an exaggerate gasp, lightly smacking the other as he erupts out into giggles. he’s giggling. he’s going to sleep like a baby once his head hits the pillow, he’s sure.

dropping his head back down, he lets out another tiny yawn, humming. “you don’t have to carry me, hoseok-ah.” he murmurs quietly. “i’m wiiiide awake. promise.” his eyes are closed, but his smile is wide on his face.

reaching for woohyun’s hand, he gives it a few light pats, grinning to himself as he shakes his head. "i’ll promise but there’s no finish line. what finish line? i don’t see one,” hoseok chuckles, head leaning more as he tries to suppress a yawn, finding it hard to resist when the other yawns. “foam cloud pillows? do they look like clouds?” 

he tries to think about it, whether he’s heard of it or not or if maybe he’s taking the words a bit too literally. he knows of foam pillows. maybe it’s as soft as clouds and that’s why. that matches what they were talking about, right? his drowsiness makes him more prone to the confusion and he looks to woohyun when he’s looked at. “yes, i will! if a knight must,” he wiggles his brows, having not said that to someone in person for a while. it’s a bittersweet thought but he can’t stop laughing, woohyun’s giggling contagious. “no, no, not a prince. a knight though, a knight serves all royalty, right?” 

thinking about it, maybe that makes him more fond of woohyun after the stage name had been given. “are you sure? wiiiide awake?” lifting a hand to poke at woohyun’s cheek, he snickers, poking the corner of woohyun’s mouth this time. “our royal hyung has become sleeping beauty.” 

[bebewonhos]

video calling the bf ♡

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 7월 25일 、 SWIMMING FOOL

keeping the blond makes his part of the trip to the salon easier and he admits that it’s growing on him. part of him is convinced that he wants to stay blonde for a while. who would’ve thought he’d change his mind within months? that black might not be his favorite hair color anymore. the princess would probably lose her mind if she found out and he chuckles to himself as the bleach sits on his roots, a touch up still needed to keep the blond fresh, as he considers calling her up later to tell her of it. 

he can imagine the lecture now of whether he’s treating his hair right, if he’s over-washing it or using the wrong product to wash it. so much to go into hair care and skin care that he questions when idols have the time, especially when he thinks of the pretty nail art some of his friends have. beauty is pain, yes, but you don’t hear enough about how time-consuming it can be too. 

with the trip to the salon not taking long for him, he’s more focused on the part of the day he’s been thinking about since late into the night before, unable to sleep and lounging around on the couch instead as he tries to remember his lines. phone clutched in his hand during the rides back and forth, while he sat in the chair to wait for the bleach to develop, and now as he waits for his turn in the recording booth, he struggles with the idea that he has so many lines in swimming fool. he feels like the fool and though he has done the best he can to improve his singing, it still doesn’t feel like enough. 

what he’d give to be able to hold jinwook or woohyun’s hand through this, or to tease sehun, joke around with taeyong and seungcheol, rely on the members, but the truth is, he is the only one who can get himself through this so he does so the best way he knows how; with all the confidence he can muster, he reminds himself of who he is, of the song he wanted to release for their predebut teasers, and that he has come this far for a reason. 

he can allow himself to be a swimming fool but not a singing one. 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 7월 24일 、 CALL ME BABY

unit black has performed some of his favorite songs to perform over the years, even before he graduated sunhwa. how many times had he performed growl? the group’s work is at a level he hopes convex reaches and they’re getting there, aren’t they? songs covered, whether it’s vocally or through dance, or even both. their recognition rises and he hopes that there will be music festivals soon where other groups cover convex songs instead. even better if it’s a mix of different groups considering the size of their group. 

but that’s another thing to consider, isn’t it? they’ll be performing at yet another music show concert without a certain member in their lineup, without it being officially announced or addressed. headlines will cover that as much, if not more, than how well they perform and that fact brings back that bitter taste in his mouth. forcing himself to swallow it down, force it away, he thinks of the stage itself, of how fun it’ll be, of how he has most of the lines of a unit black member he likes. yeontae might not be the main vocalist or a center compared to some of the others but he’s stable, versatile, and that’s what hoseok admires about him. then again, what’s not to admire or like about everyone in unit black? 

does someone think that way of convex too? he hopes so. his wishes grow the more they do, even if their numbers diminish. he has to believe that, that they’re growing, that they will continue to flourish. what did they all train so hard for if not? that resolve has to carry them through. no, they have to carry it through and while he might put a little too much force into some of the dance steps, he grins whenever one of the members sings, at how they fall into unison even when it’s not their own song. they make it theirs for the time being and that’s another feat to be proud of. 

[rklandon]

░▐ ★_2020년 7월 20일 、 SEAMLESS

meeting the rest of the cast for a script reading and getting his measurements taken are the first few steps he takes. it’s different from his first experience acting. the cameo had been a fleeting experience. an entire day but this will take months and that thought settles on his mind during the wardrobe fittings. his accessories include glasses that he’s far too entertained by, a fact he shares by playing off the show name, grinning to himself when he manages to make at least one of the stylist’s assistants laugh. 

at first, he thought the frames were fake and he swears they are, picking them up with curiosity, asking if he could use his own or if they’d take the lens off for the glare of the camera or if they were anti-glare. he talks endlessly throughout the entire session that it’s a wonder they don’t tire of him or tell him to be quiet. ‘hold still,’ he definitely hears a few times, chuckling with a bow of his head and repetitive apologies, asking what kind of snacks or drinks they like so he can bring some to show his appreciation and sincerity. 

he even boasts of making the absolute best milk tea drinks and talks of the shop he used to work at, asking them to visit til one jokingly asks if he’s sponsored. with a cheeky grin, he tells them that the shop couldn’t afford him even with a discount because of the group he’s in. isn’t convex amazing, he regales of their talents and skills, asks if they’ve worked with hyun on heirs or sehun and taeyong with their photoshoots. if they know wooh— ah, royal hyung from his acting experiences too and insists they keep an eye out for the other members. the fitting goes by quickly the more he speaks and he’s in higher spirits than when he came in, this is really happening.