Today, I propose to you this thing that nobody needed: The gun-under-pillow-but-it’s-Andrew’s-hand scene from Andrew’s pow
I assume that with all his issues, Andrew has not slept particularly well in a room full of foxes. Mostly, when you take into consideration that he just lost and got Neil back. And maybe spent the last few hours sleeping on-and-off on the bus. Before, he was with the police and we all know that this man does not trust “the pigs”. With reason, let’s be honest.
Anyway. Now imagine that his sleep-deprived ass had to drive all the way to that cabin and then sit through all the foxes being loud and obnoxious and Neil’s many existential crises. Andrew has a flat-line for emotions, but we all know how overwhelming that combination can get even when you don’t let it show. So once night comes and he watches as his exhausted not-boyfriend manages to wrangle himself into somewhat of a comfortable sleep (maybe even a deeper one, since he is actually safe for once and Andrew is right there next to him), Andrew just watches him for a while. He cannot sleep. He is past the point of exhaustion and his loud brain is going a mile a minute replaying not only his horrors, but now the new implications of what went down with Neil. Andrew does not do ‘what if’s’ or ‘my faults’, but he sure as hell does ‘not under my watch’ and ‘not ever again’. So, he watches, like the good guard-dog he is.
Neil just lays there and dreams of whatever. Or maybe he doesn’t even dream. Andrew doesn’t know, doesn’t much care. He knows tomorrow will be yet another exhausting day and he knows he must sleep at some point. But that is not happening with all the noise in his head. As much as he hates admitting it, he thinks he was afraid when Neil disappeared. And nothing scares Andrew (not anymore, that is), so why does closing his eyes and not knowing who, when or why could walk through the bedroom door remind him so much of those prickly needles of childhood fear under his skin. He watches and wonders as his brain parades through all the things that happened. Again and again, until the familiar flairs of anger and annoyance pop up again. Neil looks so peaceful. Well, as peaceful as someone who was just brutally tortured and almost murdered can look. But he does, and Andrew remembers how incredibly tight his chest was when he held Neil's chin in his hand for the first time again in the hotel room. How, for just a second, everything went quiet and all his focus was on that bandaged face, hurt, but there and mostly whole and breathing.
You have to understand that Andrew does not do physical touch. Lucky for him, Neil does not require it. But holding onto something that is his, tightly and aggressively, that is Andrew’s specialty. So, Andrew does just that, reaches out, slowly and carefully (kind off surprised that the movement doesn't wake Neil up) and sticks his hand under Neil's pillow. Just slightly, just so his palm can feel the weight of the red-head through the pillow. There is nothing special about it. Nothing moving. Not a single feeling happens in Andrew’s chest. And it takes a few minutes and two deep breaths to get used to the feeling. But his eyes never leave Neil’s face and suddenly, Andrew himself slips into the darkness. Without dreams.
.
Or here’s another version:
Neil had some nightmare and Andrew being Andrew woke up to a single harsher exhale. Because Neil does not make a sound or trash around. His brow twitches and maybe he’ll breath a few angry huffs. So, Andrew woke up to that and from then on everything above can be applied. He does not pity or worry for Neil. But he would like to get back to sleep once Neil's and his brain shuts up. And Neil always slept better with a gun under his pillow. Andrew is nothing if not a weapon, so... Maybe. Maybe that’ll work. And to no one’s surprise, it does (que secret little Andrew eyeroll that he will not let anybody else see).