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here is the captain pan conversation/novel thing i did to jen over skype, which is a modern au where peter isn't THAT much of a creepy/terrible little shit but still is anyway because he stalks killian

[5/25/2014 8:57:45 PM] bee: like in this modern au ok there's no magic and peter's just a bratty little twink who has rich parents/guardians and is used to getting what he wants

[5/25/2014 8:57:53 PM] changelingcapricious: YES

[5/25/2014 8:58:07 PM] bee: so he sees killian one day when he's going about his own business, maybe walking to the park and seeing killian sat on a bench or walking to felix's house and seeing him outside his building all sweaty and hot or something idk and being the inquisitive little shit that he is, decides to investigate bc honestly it's killian and who wouldn't

[5/25/2014 8:58:42 PM] bee: and eventually realizes killian lives a couple blocks away from him in a complex , has his own little flat, has a shitty garage band that's actually really good

[5/25/2014 9:01:09 PM] bee: (he follows killian to a show once- it's a closed performance for someone's bday party in a cafe and the acoustics are shit but it's crowded and nice and no one really bothers him about being there. killian sits up on a stool with a guitar that peter wishes was him on his lap and he looks like a mess, he looks like the kind of guy that sits around reading and playing video games and writing songs all day and he's beautiful, he sings and peter has to clutch his cup of coffee to hide the way his fingers are shaking because he's IMPOSSIBLY interested now, he wants that voice that man for himself and the way the women in the audience are crooning over him and touching his bicep whenever they get the chance and mentioning past events and inside jokes to him is making him QUITE jealous even though he hardly knows killian and doesn't have any sort of claim over him

[5/25/2014 9:02:06 PM] bee: ok this is gonna be really long i'm sorry

[5/25/2014 9:02:15 PM] changelingcapricious: NO PROB

[5/25/2014 9:02:25 PM] changelingcapricious: SOUNDS GOLDEN SO FAR

[5/25/2014 9:02:27 PM] changelingcapricious: YAY! *U*

[5/25/2014 9:38:29 PM] bee: he starts taking note of where killian frequents most: he starts with the laundromat. peter's pretty well off so he doesn't need to go, but he does anyway, even when his guardians (this is purely about otp so i'm ignoring everything else but guardians are probably belle/rumple, distant relatives of his bc peter's parents are dead- also pretty much a given peter ignores them all the time etc etc) are all ''where are you taking that? we have a perfectly good washer here...'' but peter is a rebel and he's INTERESTED in this man and he takes some dirty shirts and jeans there the same day he gets wind of killian going to do laundry (he wouldn't exactly call it a network, but that's what it is: he has friends up and down the block- felix lives right near killian, right across the street from his building- he texts to tell peter he saw him leave for the laundromat so peter does too. he doesn't approach him, he doesn't say anything or try to catch killian's eye- he just sits around waiting for his clothes to wash and buys some m&ms from the vending machine and watches from the corner of his eye. killian just sits in a corner with a notebook the whole time, stares down at his phone and texts. peter starts doing this every week, every time killian goes to wash he does too- he stays in the background and just watches, but sometimes he makes sure killian sees him- bumps into him but doesn't stop, pretends not to notice when killian looks after him in a brief moment of confusion, washes his hands at the sink killian's sitting near, sometimes uses a machine close enough to him to catch the lighter glints of blue in his irises. at the same time he's visiting the same starbucks, the 7/11, the walgreens, walks to felix's house and lingers outside on the off chance that killian's out there too. felix knows, and he helps- once, when it's hot out and killian's sitting out on his building's stoop with a group of friends (graham, emma/regina (dating!!), jerfferson) and they're all having a beer and just watching the clouds go by, peter comes by. he didn't actually know killian was outside, but as soon as he sees them he falters on felix's doorstep, and felix knows what he wants so he stands there for a while and shoots the shit with peter, talk about school and grades and they stand out there so long his legs conveniently get tired so he sits on his front steps, and peter follows suit, and pretends to be deeply invested in conversation when half the time his eye's on the man across the street. sometimes when he goes over they pile up on felix's room window and listen from behind the curtain (bc killian's place has big wide glass windows, they'd easily be spotted if they tried outright ogling) as killian's band practices. They noise is faint from across the street but they play with the windows open and peter enjoys even the slightest suggestion of killian's voice that carries , and felix just smirks and tries not to laugh bc peter's so fucking obvious.

all this following and watching comes to a perfect head when peter's at starbucks and killian shows up a couple minutes after he's gotten his order and sat down. he orders an iced coffee and does a double take when he sees peter by the window, peter in his khakis and polo- a combo killian fucking hates but it looks nice on peter. he strolls idly up to his table and peter looks up in mock surprise when he goes "hey- peter, right?"

(it's actually really surprising to him that killian knows his name-peter didn't even think killian knew he existed, he always seemed so buried in his books and texts)

he nods, raises his eyebrows, and killian fumbles. "i, uh, i'm a friend of felix's, he mentions you time to time."

peter's never been more grateful or surprised at felix than he is now, but he hides it, because if felix somehow befriended killian to get peter close to him he's not going to waste the opportunity. peter goes "oh!" and smiles, knows the way his eyes crinkle when he does makes his lips look fuller. "i'm sorry, i dont-"

"killian." he says, holding out his hand in a way that's so polite it's so hard for peter not to cover his face with his hands because that's fucking precious and dorky as hell but he just smiles wider and takes it, grips killian's hand and shakes, and killian's order is done and called out. He goes and gets it and he ends up sitting with peter for over an hour- they talk about how felix and killian met (felix ''ran'' into killian at a local bookstore and mentioned hearing his band's noise, said he was a fan) and peter drinks him in, listens intently and never looks away once. this is the closest look he's ever had and god, it makes him want so much more- killian's got an accent peter didn't notice before, he's twitchy with his hands and he sticks his tongue out too fucking much- licks his lips to dry them after long talks, licks them before he speaks, when he's THINKING, and his hands, holy shit his hands.

peter has his first wet dream about killian that night, and those hands are the culprits.

after that, sometimes when he hangs out at felix's they're invited over to killian's. he doesn't meet emma and regina and jefferson and graham until weeks later, they're all busy college kids and they can't come over as often- they're nice but nowhere near as interesting as killian anyway. he lives tidily, has lots of books and three guitars, wears lots of t-shirts (the first time he wears the leather jacket peter has to turn around and pretend he didn't see it, has to run to the bathroom and pretend he was sick because he is so horrifically hard it HURTS). sometimes they play records and sit back and talk and killian offers them lemonade or water, never beer bc as much as peter would like to he's only 17-16 (???) and he doesn't really know what kind of guy killian is yet, would he be willing to give minors drinks?

killian never seems to mind the age differences between them- he's fantastically sweet to them, he plays music and teaches them a few chords and they play video games and learn more about each other: peter' lives nearby with his guardians, has no siblings, loves coffee and being in charge and is in high school, doesn't know if he's fit for college. killian's in college, loves beer more than coffee and lives on his own thanks to some money he's saved up from all the shows he did in high school (peter doesn't believe him until killian shows him the pictures- there's shows and competitions and even silly little trophies stashed in a box somewhere in his closet- then there's the actual discs, in real professional plastic cases with 'THE ENEMIES' scrawled on the front cover, all fairly recent and done by a local producer), left his family in ireland because coming to the states was a dream he'd always had (peter learns later on that his brother's passing was a major factor, too).

eventually on these meets felix starts making less of an appearance- by this time they're all good friends and they text and snapchat and instagram each otherand chat on fb so it's not too big a loss but peter knows why he's doing it- when it's him and killian alone their talks are more personal- family troubles, school troubles, crushes (peter lies about his but he feels a sick stab of jealousy when killian talks about the thing he had for some girl who goes by 'tink'). they hang out at peter's place, too- they sit on his bed and watch movies and stupid internet videos and draw stupid things to put up on his walls (peter cherishes those- actual, physical signs that killian was here in his ROOM!) and when he's gone peter's guardians corner him with their concerns about what their adoptive son is doing hanging out with a grown man, but he ignores them bc they can't take killian away from him, no one can. so they go on hanging out, and peter becomes a regular at killian's concerts and killian becomes a regular at his house, even picks him and felix up from school sometimes so they can hang out, but then disaster strikes, and that's killian asking tink out, and her saying yes.

peter finds her at killian's place one day and his face doesn't fall, he's too put together for that. he knows it's her bc she's just as killian describes her all the time- pretty, piink cheeks, button nose, messy bun of feathery blonde hair and green eyes. she's just as sweet as killian is- she jumps up and says hi, fawns over peter's equally fae-ish looks and his wit, and peter smiles and laughs through it all but he hates her. he hates her endearing aussie accent and her bright eyes and the way she ducks her head into killian's chest when they watch a scary movie, he hates her laughter because it's so high and peals like silver bells. he hates the way killian catches his eye when tink's not looking and grins wide, his face all “I DID IT! I ASKED HER OUT! BE PROUD OF ME!!

[5/25/2014 9:38:34 PM] bee: i hit the character limit oops

[5/25/2014 9:42:13 PM] changelingcapricious: JEGUS THAT WAS GREAT. CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE!!!!!!!! (ALSO YAY FOR EMMA/REGINA!!)

[5/25/2014 9:42:20 PM] changelingcapricious: FELIX IS THE BEST WINGMAN

[5/25/2014 9:42:25 PM] changelingcapricious: WORD.

[5/25/2014 10:09:55 PM] bee: peter goes home that night and he cries himself to sleep. it's mostly a jealous rage 'he belongs with me'' sort of cry bc he can't contain his anger but there's hurt in there too, bc he really thought he was getting close to that goal, to reaching past what they currently had and figuring out the way to a relationship, but he should have seen the signs- he was too busy staring at killian and laughing at everything he said to see when he was texting tink, when his mind was obviously on things that weren't peter. he's ashamed of himself for it, for being so stupid and foolish and blind and only stupid little boys cry, but he hides his pain well and thinks to himself, there has to be a way to fix this.

Only there isn't, bc killian and tink date for a year and a half and the whole time peter feels so dead inside he thinks he might have lost any true feeling at all.

they still hang out, they still have fun together and killian still makes his heart race when he smiles at peter, exclusively at him, but he's so wounded by this betrayal that he grows bitter. he starts holding off- he doesn't reply to texts for days and almost feels sick with himself when killian's texts get increasingly concerned- 'are you ok?? why aren't you answering? call me.' he feels a sick kind of joy when killian shows up at his house and kneels at his bed to give peter his saddest, bluest eyes, touches his shoulder. ''hey,'' he says. ''are you sick? what's wrong?'' and it hurts peter, that killian is so concerned, that he's so sweet and kind and peter's repaying that by being a jealous little fuck, going out of his way to get killian's attention and concern back in his palm, but he doesn't care. killian's knelt by his side and he smells like tink's perfume and it makes peter angrier. he turns away from killian, shows him his back and wraps his bedsheet tighter around him just as felix bursts into his room too, and he looks just as worried but there's no confusion like killian's got on his face- he knows why. he knows what peter's hiding. he plays along well, though, and doesn't breathe a word.

weeks start passing and they come to visit almost every day. tink shows up sometimes, too, and peter doesn't react but he lets the hate burn. peter stays quiet, stays in bed until he's sure he's lost what muscles he ever possessed and watches them, watches killian talk to him and move about his room and hears ''depression'' and ''sick'' and ''wrong?" but doesn't answer. he's not always in bed, of course, he gets up every day and goes to school and the laundromat and starbucks and felix's house but it all feels vile and torturous bc he went so far and got so close but tink got there before he could and it's been so long and killian looks at her so softly sometimes peter wants to hit him, REALLY hit him, punch him in the teeth and make him hurt as much as killian hurt him.

but he doesn't. and his bitterness starts to grow, and this is where the jealousy comes in (not that it wasn't there in the first place, it's just exploded into something bigger now). he comes to life again and when he does killian and felix look so relieved that peter thinks they might actually cry- they hug him and celebrate with beers (killian makes them swear not to tell, it's so stupidly endearing) and it's just them that night, no tink around to ruin things, and killian sits on the couch with his arm around peter so he does what he wants- he pretends he's tired and lays his head on killian's shoulder. killian doesn't seem to mind, not until peter goes into some kind of pseudo-sleep and shifts closer, until his nose and lips are against killian's neck and he can see how each breath tickles at him, makes him tense and twitchy under peter, and it's obvious it's making him a little uncomfortable, but he never makes a move to stop it and peter thinks ''good.''

that's the first time he steps past the line. he goes on and on and on after that, even when tink's not there. it's not all entirely new, it shouldn't be, especially to killian, bc they were close before and there has always been a sweet phsyicality to them two (touching shoulders ruffling hair pinching cheeks kicking feet squishing tummies), they're always sharing space instead of respecting it, but now that killian has tink it shouldn't be that way, that space should be respected. peter ignores that- he stands too close to killian to talk, touches his arms and his shoulders and fingers and gets too playful. he drinks from killian's cups without asking, takes things from his apartment and doesn't tell him until killian calls to ask ''did you take my red sneakers??'' he sits too close, speaks low so killian has to lean in to hear, shows more teeth when he smiles and watches the shudder ripple down killian's shoulders. he's angry, he's angry at being left aside for some prettier thing, and he's showing it, but killian's smart and ignores confrontation, or he's dumb and sees nothing. he never objects when peter cuddles up to him on the couches or on the carpets when they're lying there listenign to vvinyls, never pushes him away when peter gets drunk for the first time in his life (new year's eve: regina brings too much wine and emma's mad about it, tries telling her not to use any of it bc that spells disaster but jefferson's drunk before the first glass is even poured and it all goes downhill from there- later peter groans endlessly and vomits for what feels like hours and hates himself but especially hates killian for being there, for rubbing his back and handing him a glass of water and some advil and trying not to laugh) and grabs killian's shirt when he stumbles into him, slurring something about 'should've been” (killian's mouth goes to a hard line but he just steadies peter with a hand to his shoulder and elbow, braces him back on his feet and mumbles ''you shouldn't have drunk so much'' and felix, also drunk, barks out a laugh when graham tells killian to 'let the kid have fun for once in his life, god.' he takes it all with grace and stride, and seems never to think any less of peter, until he takes it to the social media.

peter starts venting on twitter, on fb, on instagram- he gets passive aggressive, deliberately ignores questioning texts from killian bc he's so angry that killian doesn't KNOW, bc it's all his fault he's this way and he's just sitting there confused at peter's coldness (he gets ''who did this to you?'' in response to a tweet that goes ''so happy to see you enjoying yourself without me, not like we were close or anything"). felix joins in, and so do rufio and john and even wendy, though she's a bit more in the dark than the rest about the whole situation, but that just lends credibility. killian brings it up once when they're in peter's room and peter just shrugs and goes back to throwing paper balls at felix, ignores him because that's what he did to peter. he goes on ignoring killian's texts, rattles off tests and studies and hanging out with others as excuses and just being busy in general, but he's more active talking to others than with killian, bc it hurts too much to be around him lately, to watch him be happy with someone else, so he stays apart and he makes sure he can see it. his twitter feed is all felix and wendy and other friends from school and random people on the internet and every so often a few retweets or replies to killian, but nothing else. starts wedging him out of the circle, and he can see the frustration of it building in killian's eyes- he looks at peter with so much confusion it's horrendously satisfying, because that's what you get when you ignore peter. you get ignored back, and more. Peter would cut him out entirely if he could, forget about him and be done with it all but he knows he can't, not ever- he's grown too invested, too much of him is at killian's feet-it'd kill him.

tink starts noticing too, and she's not as kind as unresponsive as killian- she asks peter what he's playing at, why he's treating his best friend that way. when she asks that she's dragged him out of the fast food restauarant they were all grouped up in and her eyes are livid and stormy and he's a little stunned, because ''best friend''- he never realized he and killian were THAT close, that wonderfully amazingly close. he almost misses it, the first genuine part of them, but then he remembers he's looking at the girl who took killian away from him in the first place and he bristles. ''it's none of your business'' he says, when he wants to say ''BECAUSE HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE'' and she never forgives him for it. she storms back into the restaurant and killian looks between them two, worried and asking questions, looking as miserable as they are, but tink waves off his questions and settles close to him, staring angrily down at her shake and trying to hide the frustrated tears in her eyes. killian doesn't talk to him a week after that, but peter's glad, wickedly glad. they do reconcile quietly though- killian shows up at his place and pops in a movie and they sit in silence and watch, but when peter goes to lean on his shoulder killian looks at him and his eyes aren't exactly hard, but they're serious. tink;s warned him. she's seen the signs- peter wonders about what she told killian later that night: “he's in love with you” ? “be careful”?

''please don't.'' killian says, and peter's angry but he pretends to be confused and hurt. he obliges, just to shake the truth of tink's warning from killian's mind. he can see the startled doubt and guilt in him afterwards, but when killian goes to say sorry peter shakes his head, looks away. felix asks him once, ''don't you think you're going a little too

[5/25/2014 10:19:54 PM] changelingcapricious: (*SOBS*)

[5/25/2014 10:26:12 PM] changelingcapricious: (*SOBS PROFUSELY*)

[5/25/2014 10:43:03 PM] bee: **far? it's been a year."

and peter thinks of killian's voice, his fingers, his sad blue eyes and the stubble he wants to scratch against his palms, and he almost throws his book at felix for suggesting it. "i want him." he says simply, because that's the simple, earnest truth of it. he's jealous, and he's cruel in his jealousy, rude and arrogant, but at the heart of it all he's just an insecure kid who just wants his first serious love to love him back. and it hurts, bruises him to black inside to see killian so in love with someone else, it kills him, causes a very real ache in his chest that grips him at night.

things seem to go quiet after that. for some time, they all hang out together and it's a nice, simple time. peter felix and graham and jefferson play cards while regina tries helping graham cheat by sitting behind felix to read his deck and emma scolds her girl for encouraging sneaky behavior, jefferson says something lewd and laughs into his beer and rolls his eyes at peter but peter's watching tink and killian in the kitchen, the way killian tucks her into his chest and buries his nose in her hair and the way his mouth moves when he kisses her is hypnotic, makes peter ache and burn with arousal and jealousy. he can't focus, can't think, so he gives his place in the game to emma and watches and laughs with the rest when she beats them all, but the whole time he's feeling dull on the inside, thinking maybe it is time he gives up. it's been a year, and he's ruining the good, beautiful thing he had with killian and all of them, really, by being petty and selfish. maybe it IS time he stopped.

two weeks later, killian turns up in his room- not an unusual thing, but given the recent incidents with tink peter's almost surprised to see him, even if he was just here three days ago.

it's july the first, the air outside is lung-cloggingly thick and they've all planned to go party in the abandoned warehouse outside of town with their illegal fireworks and drink and play music for july the fourth, and peter's in bed, heart hurting and mind clouded with ''have i seriously fucked up? have i ruined us? should i stop?" killian climbs in through his window and peter jumps at the sound of his knuckles soft against the glass, sits up and frowns at him as he crawls over the sill and enters, treading silently to his bed to make sure peter's guardians don't overhearr.

''is something wrong?'' he says after a quick check of his phone (1:47 AM, no texts he's missed to warn him of killian's coming), bc killian always texts him his news-'i'm coming over, don't go anywhere'' ''wanna go to sonic with me and tink?'' ''answer your phone!''. killian doesn't answer. it's dark in the room, too dark to see his face, but peter isn't scared, just curious. he's always liked seeing killian in his room, and even now after the betrayal of his dating tink it's just as true- killian looks right here. he climbs on peter's bed and peter thinks he's drunk, he's done this before. (killian goes to frat parties and comes stumbling home, sometimes accidentally ends up in peter's room- he passes out on his floor, sometimes even makes it all the way to the bed, where he just goes out cold slumped over peter's legs. Sometimes peter doesn't notice until morning- he wakes up to a lapful of drunk idiot and goes “again? REALLY?” but he loves it, loves the times when killian comes to him- it's an excuse to stroke his hair and rub his back, to help him out of his jacket and guide him into the bathroom to clean up, pretend killian's his to fuss over) he makes to move to the side and give him some space, but as soon as he's on the bed killian straddles him, cups peter's cheeks and leans down and kisses him so hard peter's pushed deep into his pillow and mattress, so hard his moan goes unheard as it's swallowed by killian's mouth. it's hard and fucking /hot/- killian knows just how to kiss to get a rise out of peter, kisses him like he's been dreaming of doing it for twenty years and now is the first and only chance he'll ever get in his life. when he pulls away, peter is breathing hard- he stares up awkward and extremely confused and out of his depth for probably the first time in his life ever, but his heart is hammering against his chest, his body too: YES YES YES MINE. HERE. killian sits above him, struck well enough by the light for peter to see the mix of devastation and wonder on his face, realization like shards of glass to his eyes.

"i thought so.'' he says, and when he kisses peter again he's moving against him, yanking the sheet off peter's body and runnign a hand into the waistband of his boxers, not shy in the least about running it lower down to stroke past his belly and squeeze his already mostly-hard cock. peter yelps, arches against him, and kisses back, moves his hips into his hands and latches strong arms and legs around as much of killian as he can, and forces himself not to do or say anything that might kill the moment because it's REALLY happening now and he's not going to lose it, no matter what. he doesn't know what brought this on but it's so good- killian on top of him, heavy and warm, pulling peter's boxers down to his thighs and stroking his cock, it's all fucking amazing. He's left speechless at the intrusiveness of killian's finger dipping inside him, wet and slippery with lube

(HE WAS PREPARED. HE THOUGHT ENOUGH ABOUT IT TO BE PREPARED.)

, the way he buries his face in peter's neck and lets out a strained whine of ''fuck'' like he's falling apart and it hurts. but it's perfect, their lips together are perfect and he tugs on killian's hair to urge him on, forces himself to forget and ignore the pain, bites his lip bloody to stifle his whimpers bc he doesn't care about his inexperience, he wants to take it all. killian looks worried for a moment, makes to ask if peter can take it but peter shuts him up with a kiss, nearly rips the shirt off killian's back and bites down HARD on his shoulder. it's erotic as fuck, the way killian pushes into him and gasps brokenly like it's the best thing he's ever felt in his life at the same time peter's throat works out a noise like he's been kicked in the ribs, the way he fills peter and the way he rests his sweaty temple in the crook of peter's shoulder as he pants, the way his hands are around peter's wrist and hip like he's afraid peter will run or try to move away. peter stays right where he's wanted, where he WANTS to be and has always belonged, moans into killian's ear rakes his nails deep into and down killian's back, makes sure there's blood on his fingertips when he checks. killian fucks like a stallion, but he's smart about it- puts a hand over peter's mouth to keep him from crying out too loudly, does his best to keep his thrusts moderately paced so that no unexpected noises will wake his guardians- he's better at controlling himself, buries his own noises into peter's lips when he's sure enough to remove his hand, into his neck and hair and cheek, and peter loves every second of it, loves the way the bed rocks with their movements and the way killian looks like he's so relieved to FINALLY be in him, kissing him- killian doesn't stop even after they've both come (peter jerks in killian's arms and his cry is muffled by killian's palm, his heart's going to explode, no heart should ever beat this violently-killian shudders and doesn't pull out, and peter's sore and tired but he rolls his hips to accept the spill of it in him, wants everything killian can give him) he's possessed by something wild now; he tangles fingers into peter's hair and bites at him, goes on pounding into peter and panting into his neck as peter squeezes his legs around him to keep him close and deep until he's biting a scream into killian's hand and he's nearly kicked the wall three times and there's come dripping into his sheets and all over his thighs but it doesnt' matter bc his orgasm is so good he sobs into killian's arms, shakes until the aftermath has finished rocking through him and killian has pulled out and he's never felt so raw or perfect in his entire life. they spend an hour just lying together afterwards, not entirely sated- they kiss and peter runs his hands over the still bloody marks he left over killian's back and killian twitches from the pain but he stays close, seeming reluctant to leave peter long enough to even breathe, running a hand down his side to his hip and up again, to his shoulder, then his hair. The kisses are slower this time but with just as much intensity, and the whole time killian's tweaking and rolling his palm over peter's nipples til they' feel just as raw and sensitive as the rest of him to tease like he wants to go another time and peter's thinking about it already. Killian gets up and peter thinks he's going to leave without a word, that somehow he dreamt this and he's going mad and his heart feels like it'll collapse but killian guides him into the shower instead and soaps him down spotless, pins him even there to the wall and kisses him senseless, squeezes and pinches him all over with hungry hungry hands.

"not that i'm complaining, but what was that?" peter asks when killian's reaching between his thighs to clean him. he allows it, all of it- there's no anger left in him now, no way he can hold onto that bitterness when killian's touching him like this, looking at him like he's the most intriguing thing in the world. he grips killian's shoulders, legs shaking as killian's finger dips into him again and a stubble-scratchy kiss rasps at his neck. he never thought anything to this extreme would have happened-peter always fantasized about killian leaving tink for him, seeing the error of his ways and cutting it off, but he never would have thought killian would cheat. killian's too good a man to cheat, or so he thought. he hasn't heard any news of a breakup, so what brought this on?

(inside him, though, there's a sick sense of glee threatening to burst from his chest- he revels in touching killian, kissing him- in the bathroom's better lighting he can see how fervent killian's expression is, how he can't hardly last a second without touching peter. he thinks of tink and laughs internally, lifts a leg to balance his foot on the tub's lip and give killian deeper access, watches his cock stiffen again and presses closer to rub himself against it, to watch the way killian's face contorts in pleasure. all this is HIS. she hasn't won, she never did, if the looks on killian's face are anyhting to go by- it all WORKED.)

killian doesn't answer at first. he fucks peter with his finger at first, slow and steady, intent on his facial expressions like he's never seen anything like it, and when he can't take it and they're both hard again he pushes him into the wall carefully and guides himself in, watches as their bodies join and peter's toes twitch and curl. they breathe hard and claw at each other, and he loves the way peter's nails bite into him, the flush on his cheeks and the way his lips are so red and swollen he can't

[5/25/2014 10:45:49 PM] changelingcapricious: *DROOLS PROFUSELY*

[5/25/2014 11:39:27 PM] bee: **possibly help giving them sharp little nips with his teeth. bc just like peter dreamed and masturbated to the thought of killian's hand, killian jacked off to the thought of his mouth, his ass, his jawline, his fucking neck. he's wanted peter just as violently, as vibrantly, as endlessly. but he loved tink, too, and she was easier to love- peter confuses him sometimes, scares him even, and the age difference between him and peter isn't something to laugh at.

"that was me finally giving in." killian says in between thrusts. peter seems to like it rough- he grips his jaw and brings him into another kiss, swallowing down another moan and bottling it up deep inside him, all for himself, all killian's. he's been just as greedy for this boy, just as mad, but he's kept it under lockdown, tightly contained. he fucks peter until they're in danger of slipping, braces them both on his own steady feet and lifts the boy into his arms, smashes their mouths together and fucks him til he's whining incoherently into killian's mouth and whimpering as he comes, as killian spills into him, as those thighs and that ass clenches around him and it's all he's ever wanted, all he's dreamt of for two years.

they clean up after that, and before he leaves killian allows himself a brief moment to kiss peter soundly, more gently this time, bc now they both now and now they're free (somewhat- actually very little) to act on what they've been wanting before readjusting his clothing and leaving again. peter checks his phone- it's 3:59 am, it's july the first, and he just lost his virginity to killian fucking jones- he just got fucked THREE TIMES (it's fic and they can fuck as much as I want them to ok) by the man of his dreams and it was everything he ever wanted.

he wants more.

hanging out after that isn't weird- not for peter. he can see it lingering in killian's eyes, coupled with shame when they greet in the doorway and killian pauses for half a second, staring at peter like he'd like nothing more than to eat him out there on the spot, but it dies just as quickly as it appeared and killian's grinning, ruffling his hair as he lets him in. if anything, tink doesn't seem to notice, neither do emma or graham or jefferson, but regina watches him for a moment like she's thinking of something familiar, and felix already knows bc peter showed up at his doorstep grinning so hard his lips might've cracked and bled. peter keeps his distance- he doesn't want to push anything, and now that he's gotten a taste of what might have been his all along, of what still COULD BE he's calmer, more rational. he's kinder, more his old self again, but he keeps watching them out of the corner of his eye. he can't even be jealous now, when he watches killian with his hands on tink's waist and her hands on his back and hair and their lips connected, bc all he can think of is how STARVED killian felt when he kissed him, so genuinely needy and hungry, and he feels viciously smug, and pleased, bc he's never seen killian kiss tink that way. (and he's right- killian's never kissed tink that way, but he can't know that.)

fourth of july comes, and no one fails to point out how hilarious it is that two non americans planned the get together (peter hates to admit it but tink and killian are kind of really fucking adorable about their interest in american holidays, there's no way he can be sour when killian's wearing a stupid stars and stripes party hat and novelty glasses, not at ALL) but it's a blast anyway- there's fireworks and music and just plain nonsense and silliness and their social media feeds blow up with selfies and cuteness and it's the little group of them singing and drinking and lighting fireworks and it's FUN- and when the night starts to set in they all gather around a bonfire and killian plays a song about heartbreak and confusion and wanting someone so bad you can't breathe for the pain of it and he looks at peter when he sings the best verse, a line that goes like ''i was afraid of loving you and i lost you before i had the chance,'' and peter knows what it means and the sight of those hands on those strings and killian's words being so exclusively for him make his heart soar. no one knows but them, he doesn't care if it's wrong, if killian's risking his relationship with tink for a quick fuck, for something he desperately wants to be something MORe, he doesn't care so long as killian keeps looking at peter like that.

they're careful, so so careful. they never kiss in public no matter where they are, never hold hands or touch in an overly romantic way- they remain ''friends,'' they joke and laugh and hate and love each other in the way friends do, but some night s it's still not enough- peter hates that tink still has killian, that she's still on his arm and so beautiful and right for his age. he wants to be her, he wants to be the one to touch and kiss killian without a care to being found, but he knows he can't, so he bears it as best as he can, and when killian comes to him he makes the most of it. he learns to draw noises out of killian, lets him bury himself deep in all ways and does the same- each time killian breaks a little more, he can see it- he wants peter, he's always wanted him, but he's trapped now, and this is where he comes to enjoy himself ,to forget his mistake and pretend he never made it, to act like he's had peter all along and they're together.

felix is happy for him, but he's worried about tink.

"she's our friend." he points out when peter says he doesn't care. "what do you think she'll do, give him up and let him go on fucking you? you're a minor, it's illegal."

"i don't care." peter repeats. doesn't he get it?

regina's the first to figure it out. she doesn't tell killian anything, but she and peter are sitting in a corner of killian's apartment one night while the others are arguing about what kind of food to order out and she looks at him and goes "it feels good to take what you want, doesn't it?" and peter realizes there's more to regina than he initially thought, and it's not a bad realization. she smirks at him but it's not unkind, she just rustles her fingers into his hair in a good natured ''good for you, i'm cruel and selfish too'' kind of way, like he's her son and she cares for him, and peter smiles, bc it's good to be understood. regina never outwardly said anything or took sides when his depressive /bad behavior episodes took place but he knows she saw right through his act the whole time, he knows she gets him. she doesn't tell emma, and that's good too.

killian starts getting sloppy, though. he's been too long with tink and the strain of keeping up the act when he wants another, realer thing is getting to him- he looks at peter too long, gets moody and quiet, he and tink argue. they get a little more daring- tink's busier than ever with her classes so he texts and peter comes breathless to his door, shrouded in a black hoodie and jeans and moving quickly to avoid being seen, even if all the others except felix live on campus miles away and even if he did see, felix wouldn't care. killian buzzes him up to his door and the second he's in killian's stripping him naked, tangling fingers into his hair and sucking on his neck like he wants the blood and tissue under it.

"want you to stay with me." he mumbles, and he sounds drunk, but there's no sign of alccohol in him, it's just him filling himself with peter. "the weekend. can you?"

peter does.

it's like a dream, it's like really living with killian, being with him, being his. it's only two days but the whole time he walks around half naked or entirely, lets killian look and touch and taste all he wants. he lets killian fuck him in his bed, sucks him off on the couch and gets a good, thorough taste of the cock he's dreamed about for years, gets pressed against the (closed and covered in thick curtains) window in his living room with his legs spread as killian licks him open, squeezes his trembling thighs. killian walks around in just boxers and asks peter what he wants to eat, what he wants for breakfast, wants to watch on tv, how it feels, does he like that, does he want it deeper, can he take it harder. he catches peter by the waist and kisses him each time he passes like they're seeing each other for the last time, and peter lets his greed show. he sits in killian's lap and sleeps on him while they watch the morning news, strokes his cheek while

[5/25/2014 11:46:44 PM] bee: **he sleeps through the night. they feel natural in this space together, perfect; they make it theirs, even if it's been here all along and it's only two days. killian walks him back to his house, goes inside for a hello to peter's guardians and ends up staying an hour and fifty minutes- they fall asleep, peter spooned up on killian's chest and their hands joined.

"you had me the whole time." killian tells peter, when peter admits to his jealousy and killian's laugh is weak and upset, apologetic.

the fights between tink and killian get worse. no one knows what they're about- they respect the couple's privacy and don't listen in, don't make things awkward, but peter's not worried if she suspects. regina catches his eye and coughs, shakes her head. 'she doesn't know, it's not about you.' the look says, and peter feels oddly relieved.

killian storms into the room and sits at the couch's feet with jefferson, snatches a beer and leans rigidly against peter's legs, like he's dying to touch him, to find comfort, but he can't, not with all these people around. peter moves his foot carefully to stroke his toes subtly against his spine as tink slams the door on her way out and emma follows her.

when everyone leaves it's just him and killian- felix stays long enough to make it look innocent, make it look like it'll be just the three of them but as soon as everyone else has left he says good night and leaves. he's smart like that, he knows when to be around and when not to be; he's talked to peter about it before, he's never taken it personally. (''feeling the room'', he calls it)

[5/25/2014 11:46:48 PM] bee: SHIT I WASN'T DONE

[5/25/2014 11:46:50 PM] bee: there's more

[12:31:28 AM] bee: killian drops himself onto the couch and peter spools into his chest, winds his fingers through killian's hair bc he doesn't know what to say that will comfort him. he knows killian loves tink, even if it's not the way he loves peter, but there's that mean little part of him purring in satisfaction at the visible break in them- he's glad they're ripping each other apart. he wants to be the one to pick up killian's pieces.

"i'm sorry." he says, and it's not entirely a lie but not entirely the truth either.

killian sighs and splays his hand on the small of peter's back, rubbing. his eyes are lost; he's staring at the cieling, thinking, sad. "not your fault." he says.

peter does it to calm him: he presses his lips to killian's throat, a gentle little thing to soothe him, to tell him ''i'm here, i love you, you'll be ok'' and killian moves to take it further, connects their mouths and sweeps his hand into peter's jeans. he's back down now, in the present: he runs his nose along the line of peter's jaw and breathes him in, licks the hollow of his throat like it's a teardrop. "i love you." he says, and it only quickens peter's actions as he lifts his hips to undo his zipper, his hands shaking as he strips them off. when killian says that it always sounds more like an ''i'm sorry.'' or a ''i shouldn't.'' and he hates it but he knows why- he wants to shake it out of him, the feeling that it should be wrong. killian surges off the couch, peter snug in his arms, and carries them to his room, lays peter out on his back and kisses up and down his thighs as he untangles him from his jeans, as peter works off his shirt and runs his hands over his chest, into the hair. but it's peter who takes the stride this time, who presses killian onto the sheets and murmurs to him- ''we'll be ok. i promise. i love you.''

killian watches as he prepares himself, kisses him as peter takes his hand and guides his finger in to test. he thinks of the weekend they shared in this bed, this apartment, and he wishes it was like that always, that they always had this and that there was never a tink to complicate things.

peter rides killian like he was born to do it- he grips the headboard and rolls and rocks his hips to get the most out of him, whines when he slips out due to over-eagerness, moans when killian squeezes his ass and kisses his belly. he laughs when killian's eyes roll and close, proud of himself, feels his heart pulse when killian takes his palm and kisses the inside of it.

that's how tink and emma find them- peter with his hands strained white on the headboard and killian gripping his hips to press him down as far as he can go, lips inches from each other and bodies completely familiar.

tink screams, emma just goes white. peter would have fallen off the bed if it weren't for killian's hands- he turns, stunned, and killian swears something vicious under his breath.

peter doesn't care much for the situation- he stays on the bed and watches calmly as tink goes on screaming and throwing things at killian and emma tries to calm her, hilariously unsure of where to look. she settles for grabbing tink's shoulders and keeping her from what looks like physical violence as killian yanks on his clothes and moves to placate her, shame dark on his face. he follows her out going ''tink- TINK, PLEASE- he's not-" and their voices fade as they run down the hall, waking the other tenants. emma's mouth is set in a hard line, the way it usually looks when regina's being cold and uncaring about anything that isn't her. she leans down to pick up peter's shirt and tosses it to him, but he's already covered himself with killian's sheets.

"how long?"

"i don't know." peter answers. it's the truth.

she doesn't like that. "you're her /friend./"

peter likes that less. "i've been his friend longer."

she laughs. "is that how you see things?"

peter never liked emma much. he's happy for her and emma as a couple, but when it comes to her as an individual for all he cares she can fuck right off. there's always been something to her he doesn't like, whether it's the looks she thinks are careful and unassuming that she sneaks at killian or the constant messing about in everyone else's business. "how i see things is that i love him." he answers. "he loves me, he always has."

"right." emma says, and she walks out.

peter dresses and goes outside. tink's in her car, killian's crouched by the window; peter can't make out what they're saying. he comes up to say something, maybe an apology or to finally give her a sneak of his smug little smirk, but the moment he comes close tink wipes her eyes, lets go of the steering wheel. "it's ok." she says. "come here."

peter glances at killian, and steps up to the window.

"i love you both." she says, her voice watery, eyes even prettier when they're rimmed with red. "you're my closest friends, i don't want to lose that. i know killian always said- you were always with him." she says, looking up at killian. "you could have told me from the start. i wouldn't have-'

she swallows back her tears and shakes her head, wiping her eyes again on her sleeves. "i'm going to take some time off, ok? i was going to my aunt's in vancouver anyway, i guess i'll-"

"stay." killian pleads. he reaches in and takes her hand, squeezing, and she doesn't shake him off but she rests her temple against the door frame, lips curling down. peter shifts his weight; he has never felt guilty, he has always gotten what he wanted, but now he knows that tink didn't deserve this. it's something any decent person would know, but to someone like peter, the knowledge goes wasted. he takes what he wants and damns those who get in his way. killian's face is wet too, and guiltier than peter's ever seen it. the smugness in his chest dies, but only a little.

"it's fine." tink says. "i'll go. i'll call you- both of you." she looks at peter. "just give me some time. i'll come back and we can talk."

so she leaves, and she's gone two months.

killian misses her. they all do, even peter, and once the news gets spread killian takes the heat he deserves. the others yell and argue and there's lots of tears and anger and swearing-jefferson stays silent, regina too, but emma doesn't stay her tongue. graham's known killian longest- he looks like he could punch killian, but he doesn't, he just stares down at the others like he's waiting for one of them to make the situation right, but in the end they all sit around the coffee table quiet and unsure, like they don't know where to go from here.

"i'm sorry." peter says, bc it's expected of him, bc he's the cause of it all in the first place, but he's not, not at all sorry. emma shakes her head when killian squeezes his hand, but regina brings up her chair and strokes peter's hair like she did all those weeks ago, and it's surprisingly calming.

"don't be." she says. the others have all been told the story about a hundred times now, everyone knows about killian wanting peter since they met, loving him, but no one knows about the way it all started BECAUSE of peter, how he stalked killian basically and pushed himself into his life. he wants to keep it that way, he's happy with how it's turned out. "i could tell he loved you from the start."

"is that supposed to make the situation better?" emma asks. "he loved tink, too."

felix shares a look with peter. "not the same."

the group breaks up for some time. killian, peter and felix stay close, but a new addition to their trio is regina. she's more accepting, she understands to some level- they settle into the old rythym, texting and calling and watching movies and watching each other do homework and peter watches the days go by..

[12:45:30 AM] bee: when tink comes back, everything works again. killian's cheer returns, if a little more subdued, emma's frown lines seem to fade and jefferson's visibly relieved that the tension is gone. they meet at a restaurant, all of them; tink and killian have met up beforehand, talked it all out, and now it's all just them gluing themselves back together again, the group combining once more. things are awkward at first, clumsy, but jefferson breaks the ice with something completely stupid and as mad as his usual self and things loosen from there. they have a good time, not GREAT, but they all go home happy, and before she leaves tink kisses killian's cheek.

killian finds peter in the parking lot. "we're done." he says. "been done since that night, but we wanted to be sure."

peter feels stung, but not quite, not entirely. he understands. "what now?"

killian takes his hand and leads him to his car. they sleep in his bed that night, soft snores and warm bodies, and peter wakes to a text from tink: "wendys @ 10?" he's surprised to feel bad- he's never felt bad after getting what he wants, but this is tink. she's been sweeter to him than he deserves. he meets her there and she smiles when he apologizes.

"don't." she says. she's a smart girl, too kind, too forgiving- she took his poison and worked it out of her system, didn't let it fester at her like he let hers work him; peter likes that. "i understand."

"i just-"

"i was mad.'" she admits. "but that's over now. you saw how unhappy killian and i were around that time. i guess we just needed a push."

peter picks at his fries. he decides he wants to make it up to her, so he starts by telling the truth. "i hated you." he says. "that's over now, too."

she laughs into her soda. "i know. i guess the two of us were fucked up from the beginning, but i don't want it to stay that way." she offers peter her hand, just like how killian did when he first met peter. "friends?"

he shakes.

he moves in with killian some time later. emma still frowns at him, graham's still disappointed in killian, but things look alright from then on, and peter gets what he wants. he gets the walking around naked or half naked and the sleepy kisses in bed, the asking of what he wants for breakfast, the shared netflix passwords even though he can afford his own and the hand holdings, the kisses whenever he wants, the friends he gained, the love he took. he doesn't feel sorry for any of it- things return to normal, they all hang out and eat too much pizza and drink too much beer and watch stupid movies and argue about stupid things and in the nights where killian buries his nose in peter's neck and mumbles ''i love you'' peter can't help the greedy, happy little shiver that runs up his spine, bc he's in love and he finally got what he wanted

[12:45:54 AM] bee: hi i'm bee and i here is a free otp novel 4 u

#captain pan #panhook #fic #caivallon #tetila #changelingcapricious #i'm sorry it's messy and original bad/lunatic typechat but i lost all the clean edits i made earlier #and now i can't be assed to go through that again #some small edits done to keep it legible etc etc