Sorry I've been MIA (if anyone even really follows my Tumblr). Hit a severe rough patch as my IST came back full blast. My doctor decided to try a new beta blocker and then added a calcium channel blocker, not that he told me what it was, because I had an episode at the hospital just before seeing him and they picked out that my fingers turned a bit blue indicating restricted blood flow, so the cc blockers are supposed to help with that somehow. Each of them can make you tired so the combo... Wipes me out. I am still trying to hold down my 9 to 5 job, I have to, and I want to believe this cycle is a short one. So between working, commuting, trying to squeeze in some yoga some days, I literally have no energy. The yoga is helping me steady my thoughts, so I'm heading into this with much more positivity, and I'm home with family around me so it feels less distressing. I signed up for a colour run organised by the company I work for before my symptoms popped up in full force. Two weeks ago I could barely clock in a 20 minute attempt on the threadmill - I wanted to give up at 10 but I made myself go ten more. I really wasn't sure I was going to be able to do 7 kilometres! (Side note, that's a really freaking long "fun run", btw). But my sister also signed up and was so excited I didn't want to disappoint her. So each time I went to the gym I tried to go for 20-30 mins on the threadmill before going into yoga class. The run day loomed and my day before became ultra packed, I wasn't sure I was going to make it. We ended up missing the alarm, I potentially shut it off unconsciously because my sister said she did hear it and was simply expecting me to kick her out of bed but I didn't. I started stirring a whole hour later wondering how much time I had to the alarm.. I have to give us both loads of credit, we jumped out and got ready in an absolute flash (thank god I majorly prepped the night before) and hopped into the car for the 30-45 min drive. We got lost (road signage fail, this country) but eventually found our way with some time to spare. I find this "run" significant in how different it was mentally to the 10k I ran two years ago, when I was more or less symptom free but miserable. Maybe it was because my sister, even though she's a way faster runner, decided to stay with me and only dashed off at the end. Maybe it was the gorgeous scenery of the Putrajaya Wetlands, versus the unnatural road and bridge combo before, and I'm just more into nature, the greens and the blues. Maybe it was the relaxed nature of the colour run, everyone there really to have fun and just seeing happy, super colourful faces even though they are strangers can really warm your spirits. And the sun was out, which is always nice. I'm so grateful I managed to get thru it without a palpitation attack. Needless to say I'm exhausted and have spent the rest of the day recuperating but that's what Sundays are for. I can't say how I will be tomorrow, the coming week, the coming month, but I'm determined to not let this get the better of me. I promised myself at my birhday in December that I'm not going to let the second half of my twenties go to waste to this annoying illness and depression, and I intend to keep that promise. Might not get into the hang of Tumblr again just yet, so I'm sorry if I had any followers at all who were really following. Kind of need to focus on getting well again with what little energy I have on a daily basis.
