#caleb crawford

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 44 of Underline the Red:

‘Respectfully, I doubt Hillview would operate if I worked a forty-hour week,’ Faber said. ‘Yeah, that’s a big problem, but it’s not yours to solve,’ Caleb said. ‘And I get that it’s also not going to be solved immediately, just by telling you to work less. That’s why we’re tackling specific workflow issues, ones that you’re so used to, the time they take from you have become invisible. It’s also normal to feel resistant to changing things like that, when you’re used to working at 200% capacity.’ Faber loathed that he could see the logic in it, but he was certain Caleb was still wrong. ‘Anyway!’ Caleb said. ‘I’ve talked to Marikit, Lachlan, and Nora, and they all now have a stronger idea of what they’re to contact you for. Marikit and Lachlan are now fully in charge of resourcing for themselves when supply lines go down. Nora’s going to contact you for all the websites and notifications you have set-up for blanket and laundry sales, as well as the people you use for repairs when the washers and stuff go down. Going forward, if any of the alpha companions contact you about just “grabbing” something for them, you forward the request onto Marikit or Lachlan, whoever is here on the day.’ ‘What about after-hours requests?’ Faber said sharply, resisting the urge to hit something – or someone – very, very hard. ‘Faber, should you be here, for those after-hours requests? Given you don’t log those hours?’ Faber glared at Caleb, and he hated that Caleb’s expression was so fucking open and unbothered. Like none of Faber’s petty, stupid emotions affected him. ‘There comes a point,’ Caleb said quietly, leaning back in his chair, ‘where the alpha companions learn that this isn’t a 24-7 room service facility. It’s an omega rehabilitation facility. Their ability to acquire some gourmet treat from the kitchen, whether for themselves or their omega, can genuinely wait until the next day. Of course for emergencies, we always have a nurse on-call overnight. But I’d bet real money that most of the overnight requests are just people getting used to thinking they can ask for things they don’t actually need.’ ‘The comfort of the alpha companions and the omegas on-site is important.’ ‘The comfort of all the workers here, and the omegas, is important,’ Caleb said. ‘This is, what, your third day on the job,’ Faber snarled. ‘Do you think Dr Gary would agree with any of this? Or Temsen?’ ‘I think Dr Gary showed so little interest in the true workings of a facility like this that he dumped it all on you, so he didn’t have to think about it. I know he was dealing with a lot, and the…strain of having to talk to the sponsors, and the people who drop the omegas off, is a heavy burden, but that’s still what he did. And then I think everyone knows that Temsen prefers being a doctor over a CEO, because he told literally everyone how he felt about it. So, actually, if they do disagree with me, I’d almost welcome the opportunity to have a really serious talk about upper management at Hillview. ‘Because it’s funny, really, that I’ve taken multiple courses on the subject, and neither of them has ever taken a single one. It shows. Trust me.’

[not-poignant]

A thing that I love so much about Faber and writing him is that, like, there are so many people who've understandably gone 'the people around him don't care about him enough / are enabling him / aren't helping him' and i sit there like

Faber would lie, manipulate and leave people who did this in the workplace. He insults Caleb to the point of forcing him to complain about Faber's super unprofessional labour. He lies to Temsen. He manipulates the situations around him.

Idk what people expect, but Faber doesn't want to be cared for, even if deep down he craves it. He doesn't want to be seen by authority figures. He doesn't want to be in a healthy workplace and he takes steps to make sure it can't be healthy for him. That's what he wants. He wants a painful, impossible, difficult work environment where he's hardly noticed as an entire person, and is noticed more for his accomplishments. After all, he doesn't see value in himself as a person, he sees value in himself for two things: workaholicism and attractiveness.

And as soon as Temsen comes on board and tries to get Faber to work healthier hours, what does Faber start thinking all the time? Not, 'oh it's nice having more time at home.' It's 'oh I should leave. I need to leave. I need to quit. I can't keep doing this.'

Which is why when folks are like 'why doesn't Temsen/Gary etc. notice Faber more' it's just... well there you go, it's the fastest way to drive Faber away and make him hate / disrespect you.

Sometimes people pick a self-destructive job because they hate themselves and then weaponise every aspect of it against themselves because it suits them. The idea that Faber would want to be cared for and work in a healthy workplace is like, no, someone who hates themselves as much as he hates himself? It's impossible. He needs so many internal things inside himself to change (by force, not by people cooing over him and metaphorically patting his head) before he'd ever truly want to help himself in the workplace.

Some folks are just very self-destructive and treat kindness and insight as more of a threat than disinterest and indifference, even as it hurts them. Faber would murder a saviour before he'd ever accept one, and that's what makes him so delicious to write. The systematic 'tearing down of Faber' includes shining a spotlight on his work ethic and his workplace, and demonstrating all the ways in which Faber actively wants this even when people try to change it for him or suggest changes for him.

Idk I have a lot of feelings about Faber, but I do know in my heart that if Temsen and Gary started to see Faber as an entire person in a very wholesome 'naw they're responsible adults and they care' kind of way, Faber would leave. Faber would possibly never actually speak to them again, and be angry at them for even trying in a consistent manner.

You can't save someone from themselves, you can only put down breadcrumbs of care (like Caleb and Kenneth do) and hope for the best - that on the day they really fall apart, you happen to be there to pick up the pieces.

Faber is working so hard to make sure that never happens, and as the author, I enjoy finding ways to work against that, but I come up against his stubbornness all the time. He's a stubborn delight to write, and an architect of his own self-hatred fueled surroundings.

Sometimes we don't want to admit when we stay in difficult or painful situations because we've chosen to, even if other folks enable that or support that. But sometimes we really do look at ourselves internally and go 'I fucking hate that' - and create systems to punish ourselves for the rest of our lives.

If folks have never felt that, that's awesome and unrelatable. But for those of us who do, I suspect Faber speaks deeply to the understanding of 'some people would really just rather stab themselves with the knife than avoid it.'

In some ways he reminds me of early Efnisien, before Efnisien had his "come to Jesus" (lol) moment. Nothing changed him until he was forced to, as a literal life or death moment, and he fought against it still, quite a lot. Efnisien took so long to see his past as abusive, and then spent so long justifying that he deserved it. Faber is, really, very similar in spirit.

He loves a toxic workplace that he can make even more toxic for himself in ways other folks will never know because Faber doesn't want them to know. And the one who does suspect? Caleb? Oof. Well, Faber's been pretty cold to him because of it.

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 29 of Underline the Red:

‘Do you…?’ Faber said, and then placed his fingertips against his mouth, and shook his head. ‘Never mind.’ ‘Do I…what?’ Caleb asked. ‘No, it’s silly. I was only going to ask if you ever think about how we met.’ Caleb was silent for a long time, and Faber laughed softly to himself. ‘Forget it, Caleb, it’s late and…I’m- Oh, I don’t know. Ignore me.’ ‘I try not to think about it,’ Caleb said, and Faber winced. ‘Because you told me that you had the power to get me fired if I didn’t remain professional with you.’ Faber stared down at the sand dune that they stood on, and his eyes felt hot. Well, yes, he did say that, didn’t he? But would Caleb have ever thought about how they met, if Faber hadn’t said that? Would he have ever thought about it favourably? Faber closed his eyes. ‘Do you think about it?’ Caleb asked, and Faber didn’t know how to interpret his tone of voice. ‘I assumed you didn’t.’ ‘I definitely shouldn’t,’ Faber agreed. ‘So you do?’ Caleb said slowly. ‘Hm?’ Faber turned to look at Caleb, only to find Caleb staring straight at him, the gaze heavy and full at the same time. Faber had to look back to the horizon, feeling breathless. ‘Yes, sometimes.’ Caleb didn’t say anything, and Faber laughed nervously when too much time went by. ‘I’ll try to stop.’ ‘I wish I knew what you were thinking most of the time,’ Caleb said. ‘You’re really hard to read, you know that?’

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Will we eventually see Caleb's pov? I'm so curious. Massive fan of your writing BTW, thanks for giving something to look forward to each month.

Possibly! But not any time soon, if/when we see Caleb's perspective, it will be a fair bit after the events of Underline the Black, and at least after chapter 48-50.

[not-poignant]

Excerpt from chapter 29 of Underline the Red:

‘I think of how difficult it must be for you,’ Faber added. Caleb still said nothing, and Faber looked at him as Caleb stared off towards the horizon. His eyes were so beautiful in profile, golden and catching the starlight, behind his gold-rimmed glasses. ‘And do you think of all the other alphas who are going through that?’ Caleb said. ‘Between omegas?’ ‘No,’ Faber said, still looking at him. ‘I don’t think about them much at all.’ Caleb turned to look at him so quickly that Faber felt like he’d been grabbed and pressed back against a wall. He couldn’t even look away.

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I made Faber, Kenneth, and Caleb in Tomodachi life. I plan on starting to make more underline the rainbow characters and it's going lovely. I have no idea if this is a weird thing to do but it is very entertaining and I strongly recommend it. Also do you think there are perfumes in the omegaverse to replicate Omega pheromones? Like if a beta was wearing that type of perfume would an alpha be able to knot them?

Hi anon,

If an alpha is really attracted to a beta and very aroused, they can knot them in the absence of omega pheromones. This happens in Underline the Red in the first few chapters! So it's very much canon.

As for perfumes/scents to mimic omega pheromones, not really. I mean perfume exists in this universe, but betas can't really perceive pheromones distinctly, so they don't even know what omegas smell like or are supposed to smell like. And when fictional alphas are like 'oh he smells like sandalwood' - a beta can just go buy some sandalwood cologne which isn't the same thing.

Omegas don't literally smell of the things alphas and other omegas think they smell like, to 99.9% of betas, they just smell like body odour. Something in the brain in alphas and omegas can interpret unique characteristics in a pheromone signature that then translates them to scent but the TL;DR is that betas for the most part really often don't fully understand how pheromones work. There's exceptions when pheromones are very strong, and then a very few amount of betas can pick up hints of what the scent is, but it's rare. As an example, when Faber cleans up after Caleb and Lucien's heat, he doesn't smell their unique pheromone scents, he smells sweat and come.

Like if betas put omega pheromones on themselves they wouldn't know if they smelled any different (they wouldn't be able to tell how much to use to even achieve a clinical effect, because they wouldn't be like 'now I smell like these omegas'), and an alpha would still be able to smell their beta body odour + it would take natural beta sweat to simply dilute / wick away the artificial omega pheromones during sex.

Most betas aren't attracted to alphas and vice versa (to the point that canonically in Red, it's the hardest category of pornography for Faber to find, and you know something is societally rare when you also can't find it in porn), but of those who are, I imagine many don't want to be knotted in the first place, and of those who do, it's just a matter of finding someone as into them as Caleb is into Faber during their one night stand!

I hope you're enjoying Tomodachi Life! I've seen some cool memes about it though it's not really my kind of game, but I hope all the characters are living their best/worst lives within it. :D

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from chapter 25 of Underline the Red:

He thought of the way Temsen reprimanded him for fraudulently signing those medical prescriptions, faking Temsen’s signature – rather well, if he was being honest – and laughed at the idea of anyone finding out about all of this. That night, when he went to bed, he stared up at the ceiling and imagined his father doing the same in this very bed. He imagined the man slowly driving himself insane, thinking of his wife cheating on him, having a son that wasn’t his, and having to give that son his surname. His father once told him that if he’d been born an omega, he’d have been killed immediately, and no one would have cared. He’d shouted it, fist in Faber’s high school shirt, vein popping in his red, blotchy forehead. Shouted that if Faber couldn’t have been born an alpha – as he bloody well should have been – then the least he could have done was be born an omega, so they could have sorted the situation out “properly.” Faber lay in his parents’ bed and fell asleep contemplating how often his father contemplated him.

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Chapter Update - Underline the Red 22/?

Title: Underline the Red

Pairing: Caleb Crawford/Faber Castle/Kenneth Leone

Notes: An Underline the Rainbow story

Summary: Faber, an overworked beta with a major case of omega envy, meets alpha Caleb one evening in a bar in the little tourist town of Margaret River in Western Australia, after a day of stressing over a bushfire coming dangerously close to the facility where he works. On a whim, he decides to seduce and let himself be seduced by an alpha, only to realise he’s definitely bitten off more than he can chew.

Rating: Explicit, with tags including: sex marathon, overstimulation, dubious consent, under-negotiated consent, somnophilia, crying during sex, multiple orgasms and painful sex. Things pick up real quick in this one, lol. General tags include one night stands, and omega envy.

Underline the Red - Chapter 22 - It's Not Like I'm Good - on AO3!

In which Faber has his first meeting with Efnisien, with just the two of them. To his surprise, he’s charmed by Efnisien’s direct approach to communication, which breaks down his barriers and makes him reach a devastating conclusion.

– Thanks to all the Patreon and Ream supporters for making this (and my other writing) possible!