"I'm super scared of heights but you don't know that and really wanted to go up the Empire State Building so I'm just gonna pretend it's all fine and OH GOD WE'RE SO HIGH HOLD ME"
Shirley (as if I’d call you something else), I don’t remember if you’re an Organa’s fan or a Calik fan, but that’s immediately where my mind went.
Malik edged back to the corner of the elevator, circling his arms around Caleb’s waist and pulling him close. He rested his head against his husband’s back, even though it was sweaty from the summer heat and humidity. Eh, he’d had worse, if they were speaking of fluids Caleb had produced. He smiled despite his tiredness at the dirty thought and wondered if they’d have energy for anything once they got back to the AirBnB.
“We’ve been here f’r’ver,” Angelina murmured, not quite a complaint, never quite a complaint. Maybe one day she’d feel comfortable enough with them to, heaven forbid, complain. Malik smiled at her, and took one of his hands from Caleb’s waist to hold it out to her. She took it, leaning in against him and Caleb, looking tired too. On the other side of Caleb, Misael leaned against the side of the elevator, tapping it in a rhythmic pattern. Malik couldn’t actually see him, blocked by Caleb’s tall body, but he could hear the energy coming off Misael in waves. Misael had taken to New York City like a duck to water, and something deep in Malik’s gut worried that they might lose their boy to the big city.
Christ, how fast Misael had become his boy. The adoption had only been finalized a month ago. This trip, a celebration of becoming united as a family - in the eyes of the state, anyway - as much as it was for Misael to tour college campuses. But, dammit, Misael was his boy and Angelina was his girl and Caleb was his man, and Malik had never felt more at home in the world.
“We’re almost halfway, sweetie,” Caleb murmured, and Malik squeezed her hand. She nodded quietly, hugging her new drawing pad closer to her chest, looking way tinier than her ten years. When he thought- Malik chewed his lip. When he thought of what Misael had saved her from, he just wanted to pull her tiny body, with her wavy brown locks that flowed halfway down her back, into his, wrap his arms around her, keep her safe forever. He felt the same fierce protectiveness over Misael, and Caleb, of course. He’d never known- never known his heart could have the capacity for it, to be honest.
Eventually, the crowded elevator came to a stop, and family by family, they cleared out onto the observation deck. Angelina kept her hand firmly tucked in Malik’s, but she tugged on it, eager to get out to the fence and see the city as Misael pulled ahead of everyone, phone out to take pictures.
Malik took an involuntary breath at the sight, boosting Angie up so she could see, and she gasped in delight. “Oh my gosh, Malik, it’s amazing!”
“It’s beautiful,” he murmured to her, seeing Misael snap a pic of them out of the corner of his eye. He turned with a smile, looking for his husband, feeling the need to share a kiss while they were on top of the world, or nearly so. The smile fell from his lips as he spied Caleb, pale in the afternoon heat, clutching at the railing, his fists white-knuckled. “Baby?”
Malik swiftly set Angelina down and moved to Caleb’s side, watching the anxiety shimmering in his eyes. “Caleb?” he said more softly. He pressed his hand over Caleb’s, and found that his pulse was beating too rapidly. “Can you breath with me, Cay?”
Caleb’s nod was tight as he continued to look out at the skyline. Malik counted out a breath, just like Caleb had shown him when he’d walked him through his own panic attack in the bathroom, all those years ago. And many times since then, too.
“Coach?” Misael rushed up, pulled along by Angelina.
She tugged on her brother’s hand and gave him a command in Spanish that Malik understood - “Help him!”
“He’s okay, two, three, four. Just a panic attack, two, three, four. Not really sure what caused it-”
“Can’t-” Caleb whooshed out a breath. “Move. Gonna fall. Gonna fall and die.”
Since when is Caleb scared of heights? Not that Malik was going to argue or demand an explanation right now. “Um. Misael, can I have your cap?”
Misael shoved his baseball hat into Malik’s hands before he’d finished the sentence. Malik settled it on Caleb’s head, pulling it low, the bill settling shade over Caleb’s eyes and blocking his view of most of the deck. “You’re going to hang on to me, Cay-Cay. We’re safe, and you can let go of the railing, you won’t fall. I’ll hold you.”
Slowly, Malik pried Caleb loose from the railing and turned him away from the view. His back to the heights, Caleb seemed to recover somewhat, shaking, but rushing to the wall and practically hugging it. Malik followed, rubbing over Caleb’s back. Caleb crept along the wall, keeping his whole side brushing against it like he needed it to hold his weight, and turned to go back toward the line for the elevator. “I’m just going to- going to head down now,” he muttered, sounding sick and disgusted with himself as he handed Misael his hat back.
Malik chewed his lip and looked back at Misael and Angelina. “Do you guys want to stay, or-” Angelina shook her head reluctantly at the same time that Misael nodded. Malik knelt in front of Angelina. “You can come with Caleb and I, angel, or you could stay here with your brother, if you wanted to look at the other side.”
She hovered reluctantly, chewing on her lip, and Malik gave her his most winning smile. “Caleb’s going to be okay, but I just want to make sure he gets back safely. We’ll be waiting at the bottom for you, and you have your walkie, and Misael has his cell phone.”
Slowly, she nodded, hugging Malik around the neck. She grinned up at Misael, though, and then the two of them were off to explore.
Caleb was silent in the line and on the ride down. When they’d gotten away from the line crowd, he leaned against the building and rubbed his hands over his face. Malik leaned beside him, resting his body lightly against the side of Caleb’s, providing silent support.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Caleb murmured.
“Cay.”
Caleb sighed. “Yeah, okay. I still feel like shit, though.”
“You- I didn’t know you were afraid of heights. I know a lot about you,” he added with a smile, nudging Caleb’s shoulder. “Way to keep a secret.”
Caleb laughed derisively. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty good about avoiding heights. And when I can’t, I- I’m always kind of hoping I can just- you know. Push through it. Like, you know that show where people are afraid of snakes so they put ‘em in a tub full of snakes, or whatever.”
“Honey.”
Caleb turned, taking Malik into his arms and resting his head, sighing.
“That was genuine fear I saw up there, Cay. Full on panic trigger. You don’t have to put yourself through that.”
“Feel weak otherwise.”
Malik scoffed. “Let’s just shut that hetero nonsense down right now,” he joked, and was pleased when Caleb smiled. He worked his fingers over Caleb’s cornrows. “You are not weak. Do you want an itemized list?”
Caleb hugged Malik tighter. “Maybe later.”
They stayed together until it became too unbearable in the baked concrete afternoon heat. Malik was just finishing tapping through his phone when Misael and Angelina joined them, and he let Caleb reassure them he was okay.
“Who wants rolled ice cream?” Malik offered. “I just found a place around the corner.”
Malik smiled as everyone’s heat-weary faces perked up, and he led them away like the pied piper.
