PART 12 OF CALL ME LOVER
Word Count: 2,206
Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Reader
CW: angst, the one that got away trope, mentions of divorce, mentions of split custody, mentions of mental health issues and therapy, mentions of heartbreak
The song had sat unopened on a drive on Noah’s computer for years before he reopened it.
Bad Omens had been working on The Death Of Peace of Mind for about two years when the label told them that they were short one song to make the album fit the requirements that the label had given them.
The four of them, along with Matt, had sat for days brainstorming ideas before Jolly piped up asking what the file titled ‘JP’ was.
Noah remembered the feeling of just pure pain flooding his heart as the memories of that night raced back to him like greyhounds on a race track.
The text.
The flowers.
The door opening.
Her.
Him.
All of it.
He remembered hiding in his studio, claiming he was too busy to hang out and was probably going to head to bed early anyway, even though he didn’t and he had stayed p all night staring at the lyrics on the computer screen which now slapped him in the face with their cold and empty lies.
After that night he had never opened that file as the words mocked him.
Jolly opened the file to reveal those lyrics once more, Noah physically recoiling at the sight of the letters on that white document.
Lines about how he would wait for her to love him, laughed at him since his once romantic lyricism had turned into his harsh reality.
Noah had written the song before meeting Richard that night, under the impression that she was still single.
Jolly read through the words in a painful silence, every second reopening the wound in Noah’s damaged heart as he sunk lower and lower into the beanbag he was sitting on.
This song was Noah’s diary.
It depicted his rawest feelings and his darkest demons whilst serving as a confession of his feelings towards her.
What started out as a love song had turned into that coiled serpent that lurked on his desktop, ready to strike the moment that he opened the file.
“Dude this is fucking amazing.” Jolly had said in a quiet voice, a hint of disbelief in his tone that Noah had kept this song to himself instead of sharing it with his band like he should have.
Noah hadn’t even uttered a word when the rest of the guys swarmed the laptop like vultures descending on the carcass of Noah’s broken heart.
“Maybe some quieter notes here.” Someone said, Noah didn’t register who.
“Breakdown here.” Another voice said.
“I’m thinking some more experimental sounds over this section.” A different voice began.
Noah just stared at them as they worked.
The whole production process was a blur to Noah, dissociating to protect himself from reliving the hope that he had when he wrote those lyrics initially.
Out of everything, that was the worst part.
Having to lie as he sung those words.
Singing to a love that he would never have since he would always be the only one waiting.
He would always be the only one who stayed till morning.
The song dropped with the rest of the album and was a complete success.
By far, The Death of Peace of Mind was their most successful album to date, with songs filled with Noah’s pain and emotions from more recent memories to those long forgotten.
Fans loved it.
But it was all founded on lies.
Noah spent the entire time being interviewed on the album, more specifically about that one song that he hated more than anything else in the entire world going viral and shooting the bad into success, lying about it.
He lied when he said that they wrote it to poke fun at how easy it was to write a rock song.
He lied when he said he was grateful that it boosted their success.
He lied when he said he was proud of it.
Noah fucking hated that song.
Yet there he was, standing in front of her in that coffee shop after months of therapy and working on himself, filled with the desire to tell her that he wrote it about her.
But he didn’t.
He might have if it wasn’t for the little girl who clutched her hand.
“Noah?” She said, her voice still exactly as he remembered it from all those years ago when he had last talked to her.
He froze.
Words failed him.
Yet, the only words he could think of were those of that god forsaken song.
“Mommy? Who’s that?” The little girl asked, poking her head out from behind her leg.
Noah tried to get his name to come out, but once again, the words escaped him.
He just stood there in the coffee shop, staring at her as if she were some figment of his imagination.
As if she may disappear at any second.
Part of him wanted to run, save himself from the inevitable heartbreak when he would glance at her hand and see that diamond ring that tore his heart apart, but it wasn’t there.
He told himself not to look, to keep his peace, but he couldn’t help it. And to his surprise her finger was bare. Not a diamond ring in sight.
He knew she noticed the way his eyes widened with a sparkle of hope glimmering within his chocolate brown eyes.
“Y/N!” The barista called.
She smiled at Noah, who still remained entirely motionless in front of an expecting barista waiting to take his order, before going over to the gentleman and taking two cups to go.
He knew one of them must be that caramel latte with oat milk that she had gotten every single time that they had gone out for coffee without fail. He guessed that the other one was a hot chocolate for her daughter.
“He’ll have an iced latte with oat milk.” Y/N said to the blonde barista still waiting for him to order who’s nametag read Dougie.
The barista, Dougie, sighed with relief when she ordered for Noah, eager to get the ever growing line moving so that he may actually stand a chance at leaving work on time.
Noah watched longingly as Y/N left the coffee shop with her classic carefree smile plastered across her face.
He wasn’t quite sure what to do as his feet were planted to the ground beneath him, the loud noises of the baristas making coffees and other various drinks overwhelmed his senses, along with the smells of all the different drinks and produce, making his head spin with even more confusion as he watched her walk away.
His heart was screaming at him to run, whilst his head told him not to in order to preserve himself from further heartbreak.
Noah still hadn’t made up his mind by the time Dougie called out “Noah!” To give him his drink, which Y/N still remembered all these years later.
He stood there for a moment longer, still weighing up his options.
He wasn’t quite sure what to do and was practically running on autopilot, so when he came to a screeching halt in front of Y/N who was sat on a park bench with her daughter drinking their beverages, it came as a shock to him.
“Noah.” She said again, that carefree smile still on her perfectly beautiful face.
That same fact that had haunted every moment of his life since that day she brought Richard over.
“You’re not wearing your ring.” He said, pointing at her left hand.
She laughed.
Holy fucking shit she laughed.
Her laugh had remained exactly the same, even after all these years.
Noah never wanted to forget that sound ever again.
If he could bottle up that sound and keep it tucked away somewhere safe where it could remain good and pure forever, then he would.
Her daughter giggled too, and holy fuck if that didn’t dig the knife any deeper into his heart then he didn’t know what else would.
She was the spitting image of Y/N.
Same hair colour, same eye colour, same nose. Their laughs were eerily similar and they had the same beautiful smile.
Noah was overwhelmed in the best possible way.
“Good spot.” She said with a laugh.
“Why.” Noah demanded, still out of breath from running to catch up with her.
“It didn’t work out.” She replied simply, as if that negated all of the heartbreak that he had endured every damned day of his life since he watched her, the love of his life, walk down the aisle towards another man whilst he sat there motionless, unable to intervene.
“That’s it?” He asked, voice becoming frustrated.
“We didn’t love each other, Noah. Richard moved on and I’m…” She replied, voice calm as not to aggravate him further.
“You’re what?” He asked, voice laced with a bizarre mix of anger and hope.
“I’m getting there.” She replied with a warm smile on her face.
He stared at her for a moment as if the words he so desperately wanted to hear were going to stumble out of her mouth and bring her back to him where she belonged.
“You’re tall like a tree.” The little girl said, breaking the tension.
Noah jerked out of his dazed state as he looked at the child, his panic at seeing you dissipating as he tried to interact with the child.
“Yeah…” He replied, completely out of his depth and unsure how to react.
“Can I go on your shoulders?” She asked in a sweet voice.
“Sarah ask nicely.” Y/N said.
“Can I go on your shoulders, please?” Sarah asked again, her eyes glittering in the sunlight.
Noah nodded and crouched down so that she could climb on.
As he stood up, Sarah giggled, clinging onto Noah’s hands which secured her knees to his shoulders.
“Wheee.” She giggled as Noah walked around a little bit.
Sarah reached her little hands out to touch the branches of the trees.
In those moments, Noah felt… different.
It was as though that gaping void that had grown in the middle of his chest had began to fill once again.
There was a warmth there that hadn’t been there before.
After a while, Sarah grew tired of looking for bird’s nests and decided she wanted to go play on the swings instead, so Noah let her down and he watched as she ran off to the play park that was twenty or so feet away from where Y/N sat and watched from the bench.
Noah sat down beside her, unsure of what to say.
“Richard and I divorced three months ago. I didn’t love him, and he didn’t want to keep me trapped in a loveless marriage. He still works and has been dating a lovely woman in the finance department called Meghan. She’s great with Sarah. Richard doesn’t have custody because he travels so much but he gets her over holidays and visits whenever her can. We’re all happy.” She began.
Noah’s heart raced as that same hope he had all those years ago returned.
“Richard realised that I was in love with someone else for our whole marriage which doesn’t exactly make for anything healthy, so we divorced.” She elaborated.
Noah felt his heart sink.
She was in love with someone, and it wasn’t him.
Fuck.
He should have known.
He felt his body sink into the bench much like it had with that beanbag in the studio all those years ago when Jolly found that godforsaken song.
Then his body was on fire.
He looked down at his knee to see that she had places her hand on his knee.
The whole scene felt unreal in Noah’s head, he was waiting to wake up and to realise that this was in fact all a dream, and he would wake up with his face buried in that stuffed lamb, entirely devoid of hope.
“Those flowers…” She didn’t need to finish. He knew what flowers she was talking about. “They weren’t just a pick-me-up were they?” She asked.
Noah felt a tear run down his cheek.
“Oh angel.” She whispered, pulling him up into a tight hug.
He wept.
Right there on that park bench, in broad daylight, Noah Sebastian wept.
“Oh my sweet Noah.” She whispered, which only intensified his sobs.
They remained like that for what felt like hours until Noah’s sobs became hiccups.
“You okay?” She asked.
Noah nodded, hands holding hers.
She reached up and brushed the tears from his face.
“I don’t like it when my favourite person is sad.” She whispered.
“I’m your favourite person?” Noah asked, his voice almost childlike.
“Of course you are. You’re the only person I’ve ever truly loved.” She smiled.
Another tear fell from Noah’s eye as he realised that maybe after all, the waiting was worth it.
Maybe he didn’t hate that song after all.
That day, Noah vowed to never lie again. To himself, to the band, to the fans, and more importantly, he would never lie to ger again.
Noah revoked his statements claiming that Just Pretend wasn’t written seriously and instead said, “I wrote it about a girl who let me hold her in a shitty motel room, just two people under bedsheets madly in love with eachother.”
tags: @shayeanna-ashlie @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @supersquirrel1996 @dontwantthemoney @tosoundlessdarkistare @klutzy-kay24 @heyyoplayer @lacy1986 @collidewiththesav @kenjipepsi1 @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @chey-h @thisbicc @fadingangelwisp @heyyoplayer @dsireland86 @missduffsblog @overmydeadbodysblog @dominuslunae @littlebear423 @blade-dressed-in-red @rumoured-whispers @eclipseeetop @xxkittenkissesxx @theanarchymuse95 @blackveilomens @lilgarbitch @lil-garbitch @concretejunglefm @museonfilm @death-ofpeace-ofmind @xxkatsatwatwafflexx @kissestomyomens @flowery-mess @athenexe @oobleoob @dollieomens @astronoids @pipidoll @geminigirlfromfinland @raininkpress
