i was thinking, as one does, about for the world is hollow and i have touched the sky. and i'm writing something unrelated where it's mentioned in passing that kirk regrets not telling mccoy how he felt about him during that, because maybe if he'd known, mccoy might have chosen kirk instead of natira.
and then i was. thinking. today.
what if captain james t kirk
what if heterosexual captain james t kirk suspects how mccoy feels about him
and he can't bear letting mccoy leave for the last year of his life. so he tells him he loves him. no, sorry - he tells him he's in love with him.
they still find a cure eventually. months later. they're not exactly consummating the relationship, because mccoy is sick, and it's not like kirk is uncomfortable - this is where he wants to be, taking care of mccoy, holding mccoy's hand, kissing his forehead. but sometimes the guilt and the lies eat him up. the fact - the fact that he is starting to suspect more and more that spock is maybe kind of in love with mccoy -
it's killing him. all of it is killing him.
and then the most miraculous thing happens! spock finds a cure.
and kirk is left at this crossroads. of continuing to live this lie for, what, for forever? or admitting to something that will badly, badly hurt his friend. to the extent that maybe he'll lose mccoy anyway.
(this would almost definitely be deep-in-denial-doesn't-realize-what-he's-feeling-is-actually-love-and-sexual-attraction-until-he's-probably-actively-dubconning-himself-into-having-sex kirk, like it would almost definitely end happily, with spock in the mix as well, but the heart of it would be that)
