“You forgot to put me in the attribution on the first page”-Chris Deleuze.
“Please send it to me”-Jordon Halleck
“….” -Actual potato in Caroline’s draw
“10/10, would read and maybe bang”-Caroline Vale
Chapter 1, Famous friends
One August night, many years ago, 19 to be exact, there was born a baby girl. Weighing 9lb 8oz, her parents could already tell she was going to be a famous super star. This was not the case. As it turns out, fame would run rampant in Caroline’s life, but unfortunately it resonated within her closest friends.
Caroline had a roommate, and her name was Sarah. She met Sarah by, well, becoming her roommate. Sarah had a blog on Tumblr and liked to post a lot about things, and that made her really popular around the UCF area. And everyone knows that when people at UCF know you, pretty much everyone knows you, because who cares about the pussies elsewhere, am I right?
Well actually there was a friend of Caroline’s who was known by more than just the UCF community. That was Cara. She tried to steal all of Caroline’s super tall coolness by also being tall, but Caroline wasn’t taking any of that shit and cut off her legs. Actually that was a lot exaggerated as that didn’t happen at all and Caroline actually loves Cara. Cara was 14,000 tumblr followers strong by being all democratic and junk. She also had youtube followers because she read 50 shades of Gray, which equals instafame because why not. Funfact: Cara is Caroline's one true love.
And then there was Jordon, the beautiful stallion of Caroline’s life. Beautiful 100% platonic stallion. Jordon got his fame by being a hilarious tumblr personality, although his fame was also only UCF fame. But yeah like I said everyone else is lame, especially those butthole fondling Gators, so UCF fame=all the fame.
Anyway, sometimes Caroline ends up in a room, or a party, or a situation, or her apartment, or in a status conversation with these people, who are all more famous and BETTER than her. This is pretty awesome for Caroline’s self-esteem always. Eventually through hypo-thermo-dinuclear-protogenesis, Caroline ended up becoming potato.
Chapter 2: Why Caroline should be famous like friends
1. Caroline is gorgeous model
2. Caroline is secretary of atheist things
3. Caroline is really hilarious
4. Caroline has top quality blog
5. Caroline is like porn star in bed
6. Caroline is hilarious, oh wait I already said that, well its true
7. Caroline has sexy sexual British accent
8. Caroline is philanthropist
9. Caroline lied about philanthropist
10. Caroline can art pretty okay
11. Caroline is genius
12. Caroline has published biography
13. Caroline knows karate
Chapter 4, no wait 3. The definition of Potato
Potato: Noun
1. A starchy plant tuber that is one of the most important food crops, cooked and eaten as a vegetable.
2. The plant (Solanum tuberosum) of the nightshade family that produces these tubers on underground runners.
3. Caroline
Chapter 4. Why Caroline no famous
Now there was going to be a list for why not, but honestly there are really no reasons that Caroline wouldn’t be famous. Caroline has lived her life magnificently through many achievements, such as being a state karate champion/ coach/ referee/ athlete. This alone could have taken Caroline to much fame, until she got kicked out of her karate club. Now I won’t go into much detail here about what happened with that, but know that it was not Caroline’s fault, because Caroline thinks passively aggressively telling her sensei to “fuck off” is totally acceptable.
Caroline was also very accomplished artist. She can draw things such as Einstein so good that Einstein himself says things like “wow that is so good”. She can also draw eyes, eyes that stay on your wall and stare at you when you sleep, well actually they stare at her while she sleeps. Caroline has a lot of trouble with that sometimes. Caroline is also afraid of slender man and the noise that cotton makes when people chew on it. Caroline only no famous at art because Caroline decided to pursue not art instead.
Caroline is also very accomplished model. She is tall. Taller than you would think. Maybe even taller than you. Caroline has never really done a big real show but she was in a magazine once. Well three times but never mind that. She was told she was too tall and fat to be model. Apparently manatee potatoes do not fit into Abercrombie and Fitch very well (look I added relevant news reference!).
Caroline has mild form of Pica, which means she eats things that are not food. This could not make Caroline famous, she just thought she would let you know.
Caroline works with children, so she is famous in their little hearts, except the part where they all hate her. Well never mind because Caroline is soon gonna work at Seaworld as whale. Caroline is very good at whale things.
Chapter 5. What it all means
Caroline wants to be famous like friends so she can sad no more.
