#camerambles

[therealrichardcameron]

While my pride experience was slightly different than that of my friends, I thought I'd still share. I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I'm aroace--I always felt like something was wrong with me, or that I was just missing something that everyone else had. I'm lucky to have friends who gave me the space and support to figure that out. Thanks, guys.

PS. I bought an aroace pin. I think I'll leave the flag-waving to Neil and Charlie and Knox :-)

[therealrichardcameron]

Do you feel guilty for blaming everything on Keating? Because it wasn't his fault, you know.

I do, and I know now that it wasn't his fault. Not a lot of people want to hear this, but I feel more guilty than you will ever know. Blaming Keating was the only thing I could think of in the moment. I was disoriented and blindsided by Neil's suicide; if you didn't know this about me, I'm very averse to change, and the only recent change that I could see causing Neil's death was Keating's class. It was the only outlier. We all knew Mr. Perry was awful, but we never thought it was all that bad, you know? I knew we'd all get expelled if we didn't find someone to pin it on, and Keating was the unlucky winner. I had a scholarship to Welton and I couldn't bear to lose it. Now, I've lost something worth infinitely more than any scholarship because I was too short-sighted to see it. But I've committed now. Everyone hates me and I guess that's the way it has to be.

[therealrichardcameron]

Hello Cameron,

How do you take your coffee in the morning?

Are you an all black coffee guy?

Or do you drink tea?

Coffee makes me weird and jittery with near Todd levels of anxiety, so I try to stay away except for absolute emergencies. When I do drink the stuff, I just gulp it black. As for tea, I haven't yet found one that doesn't just taste like leaf water to me.

[coloredpencilcat]

My secondary aesthetic is the floral patterns that belong in grandparents houses that are more than likely haunted, and the soft fluffy stuffed animals you are somehow forbidden from touching. These kinds of pictures will be tagged as aes2.

[coloredpencilcat]

how do people have parents who aren’t transphobic. like what the hell does it feel like to just.. be able to talk to your parents about things outside of their own cishet identity. i literally cannot comprehend it.

[coloredpencilcat]

Heavy anxiety feels but the bf doesn't read things if I don't tag them for him. So now I can say. I am a gay trans dude named Cameron in a gay relationship I'm so fuckin gay gay gay and it feels so great to say it. The bf insists he is not gay, so I don't think he'll find my self-discovery good at all. Hmm.