I’m all over the place as I wrote this. Not being able to see through my tears, not being able to type fast not being good enough as always... here you go:
“living is getting tough, life is tough. tougher than all of us
its so hard
living in a house where you do everything and they expect more
my brain is twisting, rotting, decaying, shriveling up my feelings are no longer existent, cold, cut, zero I live in pain, in wishing I was better, I'm not good enough, I'm not perfect
Being told things like "living in this house with you is like walking on egg shells" Having someone who you live with square up against you Even when you're just trying to talk it out, I'm blue Having someone beat you down with their words as they walk into the front door because you had the front door locked, because of the music you are listening to because of the food you're eating being beat down with fists, Why would I try to hurt you back? I can't.
I can't go a day with out crying my empty heart out, I can't think without crying I can't eat I can't smoke I can drink until my guts are full of liquor I can't make friends I can't say the right things, I don't want them I want nothing I want this pain to either eat me whole or leave me be This is torchere, I need an escape
All I want is to get drunk, and party I want to drink, dance, drink, fuck, drink, dance, drink, sleep, work, repeat. Until i am no more camo. Until the
END.”