#camron cluff

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A Song to Make You Feel Good: By Camron Cluff

“There’s Only One of You” by Randy Rogel

There are fifty thousand different kinds of animals,

And there are fifty thousand more that used to be.

There’s a hundred-million ants and a half a billion plants

And a lot of fish down underneath the sea

There’s gotta be a couple million spiders,

A hundred fifty million butterflies and bees,

And a bunch of different mammals, like those elephants and camels,

And approximately fifty billion trees.

But there is only one of you, that makes you special.

You stand out among the other things, it’s true.

Yes, the universe is large, and whoever is in charge

Made lots of things but only one of you.

A one, a two, a three and a four,

A thousand and a million and a billion or more.

There’s a trillion drops of water in the ocean

And a billion trillion molecules of air.

There are insects here en masse and a trillion blades of grass

And a thousand strands in every head of hair. 

A lot of little grains of dirt make up this planet,

A billion atoms on the head of every pin,

A million birds that all can fly, a trillion stars up in the sky

And all the many different people there have been.

But there is only one of you, that makes you special.

Yes, there is nothing else exactly like you are.

‘Cause you’re unique and you’re specific, and you’re kind of real terrific,

‘Cause there’s no one else the same as the person you became

(In fact, you’re kind of weird, but we like you just the same).

‘Cause you’re the only one of you there are.

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Bohemian Rhapsody: By Camron Cluff

We need to have a serious discussion about “Bohemian Rhapsody,” because it is way overrated.

Which is weird. When something is overrated, it means it is getting more praise than it deserves, but usually that’s for things that don’t deserve praise. But “Bohemian Rhapsody” is actually a really good song; it deserves a lot of praise. So the fact that it’s overrated is really scary.

I don’t know how it happened, but “Bohemian Rhapsody” has sort of become the song that is held up as the pinnacle of good songwriting. The Internet loves it, which basically guarantees its overrated-ness.

Have you ever seen one of these pictures?

It’s not always Beyonce, it could be any song that was released in the last ten years or so. That’s what the Internet thinks of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” If another song does not hold up to its greatness, it apparently sucks. This is an incorrect approach to bring to current music, for many reasons.

First, it compares the chorus of the current song to the verses of Bohemian Rhapsody. That’s stupid. In every song, the chorus is always less complex than the verses. That’s how music has been structured for hundreds of years. It’s like going

Queen: We will we will rock you. We will we will rock you.

Chuck Berry: Deep down in Louisiana, close to New Orleans, way back in the woods among the evergreens, there stood a log cabin made of earth and wood, where lived a country boy named Johnny B. Goode.

and using that to try to prove that Chuck Berry is a better musician than Queen. Also notice that they leave out the weird middle section of “Bohemian Rhapsody” where Freddie Mercury just starts flat-out making up words and putting them next to foreign words in random order. If you’re going to compare the lyrics of two songs, compare all the lyrics.

Second, “Bohemian Rhapsody” is an incredibly unique song. Comparing it to any other song is stupid, because there is no other song like it. If you were to compare a more traditionally written Queen song, like say “Somebody to Love,” this would make more sense.

Lastly, and most importantly, music is not about the lyrics. Music is about the lyrics. There are songs vastly superior to “Bohemian Rhapsody” that have absolutely no lyrics. You could the best written passages of Shakespeare and set it to music, but if the music sucks, the whole song sucks. That’s why songs like “Stayin’ Alive,” “Walk This Way,” and “Hound Dog” are as timeless as “Bohemian Rhapsody.” It’s just the way music is, and to judge other songs by any other standard than this is just plain wrong.

Jeez, I’ve been doing a lot of ranting lately.

P.S. As good as “Bohemian Rhapsody” is, there are even better Queen songs that you could use to compare to other songs: “We Will Rock You,” “We Are the Champions,” “Somebody to Love,” and “Tie Your Mother Down, for example. Use those songs instead, Internet.

[awesome100-articles-blog]

Fan-demonium: Camron Cluff

So, I saw The Avengers this summer. It was awesome. After I saw it, I was saying to the people that I saw the movie with “Who’s this Josh Whedon guy? I’ve heard that name before. Why haven’t I seen anything else he’s done?” Or something along those lines.

By the time the first nerd reminded me that it’s actually Joss Whedon, I remembered that I had been actively avoiding other things he’s done.

First of all, if the world can adjust to the fact that Calvin and Hobbes is no longer around, it can live without Firefly. Second of all, I realized that I’ve done this with other forms of entertainment. The Hunger Games, My Little Pony, Twilight, until recentlyHarry Potter. All of these I’ve avoided because I wasn’t too fond of their respective fanbase.

Upon further reflection, I realized that I’m the same kind of person when it comes to Star Wars. I will vehemently defend the prequel trilogy, which many people look down upon, to anyone within earshot who tries to trash it. I know about the expanded universe. I own many of the books. I even don’t hate George Lucas. And I’m sure that it’s annoying to non-Star Wars fans, enough so that some might even stay away from the franchise (although, really, by this point is that even possible? It’s everywhere).

But wait, there’s more. This applies to not only entertainment, but a wide variety of different groups. Vegans, soccer fans, Mac users, etc. Heck, even a few religions probably experience this. Hardcore Christians are probably what turns many undecided people away from Christianity. Same thing goes for Islam, and numerous others.

There’s nothing wrong with that, though. In fact, it’s essential to the respective group. For every person who is turned away by someone’s obsession, there’s someone who is interested by that same person’s passion. These ideas, religions, and franchises wouldn’t exist if they didn’t have these people, and new ones won’t come along if these people don’t stick around.

So keep on doing what you’re doing, Whedon fans, as annoying as you are. You represent what’s great about fandom.

P.S.: Awesome100 could use some excessive fanboys. Get on that.

[awesome100-articles-blog]

Short Story: By Camron Cluff

They say that the world’s shortest horror story is only two sentences long. It goes something like this:

The last man on earth sat alone in his room, waiting for death to end his loneliness. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

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Deaths Door

By Camron Cluff

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Jay-Z: By Camron Cluff

I try to be objective when it comes to hip-hop and rap. A lot of it is pretty catchy (did I mention how much I love “Party Rock Anthem” yet?) but this catchiness is usually limited to the chorus. And by “usually,” I mean almost always. “I’m Not Afraid.” “Love the Way You Lie.” “All the Above.” “Run this Town.” “Give Me Everything.” The list goes on. The chorus is pretty darn catchy, while the verses are lame and say some pretty weird things that the average listener fortunately forgets within a few minutes.

“Empire State of Mind,” by Jay-Z and featuring Alicia Keys, was almost another one of these songs. The verses are stupid and boring, while the chorus is one of the best odes to New York written in the last decade.

However, Mr. Beyonce’s-husband (whatever his last name is. Z? Mr. Z? Forget it.) couldn’t leave it at that. He had to go and get me mad at him.

You see, while rapping about how much he loves New York, Mr. Z (Dang it! I said I would forget it.) decides to announce this little fun fact to his listeners: “I’m the new Sinatra,” he says.

Really? You are the new Sinatra? Well would be just fine and dandy if there weren’t several major reasons Jay-Z is not the new Frank Sinatra.

It’s not in the Ten Commandments, but I’m almost 100% certain that somewhere in the Bible, God mentions that you can’t claim to be the new Frank Sinatra, a man who rose to fame because of his awesome singing voice, if you aren’t even singing. That’s like me claiming to be the next Kobe Bryant when I literally cannot remember the last time I touched a basketball.

The only possible reason that Jay-Z could realistically claim any similarities to Frank Sinatra is that they both helped make awesome songs about New York, and even then, the awesome part of Jay-Z’s song is done by Alicia Keys. That’s not enough to be the “new Sinatra.” Maybe “I think Sinatra is pretty cool and so, like him, I want to write a song about New York,” but never the “new Sinatra.”

The most important reason: Jay-Z cannot be the new Frank Sinatra because there always has been and always will be only one Frank Sinatra.

The end! Good night! You lose! Good day, sir!

Deal with it!

[awesome100-articles-blog]

A Message to Twilight Haters: By Camron Cluff

I’ve never understood the vehement hate for Twilight that exists among pretty much everybody, especially since continuing such hatred seems like it would end up being a bad thing for the people who so desperately want people to know that they hate Twilight. Yes, Twilight may be a terrible series of books and movies, but hating them only serves to harm the haters. “How?” you may ask? I’ll tell you how. If you are an excessive Twilight hater:

You don’t know what you’re up against.

If you publicly decry the evils of these emo vampires, you are placing yourself in opposition with the tween/teen girl demographic. “Big deal” you may say. Well, hear you this: Remember when Titanic was the biggest movie ever? That demographic is widely credited for giving Titanic its popularity; they liked it so much because they liked the romance.

I’ll say that again: This demographic took a movie about a massive ship sinking, and kept it alive because they thought that Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet were a good couple. And their ticket money kept Titanic in the number-one box office slot for four straight months!! How can you expect to win against them? You can’t! You are setting yourself up for certain failure.

How many Twilight haters have actually read or seen Twilight? I’m willing to bet not a lot. So, without any concrete evidence to back up their insults and jokes, they have to base them on what they’ve been told. And what they’ve been told probably is just a caricature of what is actually in the books or movies. So these jokes are nothing but caricatures of caricatures, just hating for hating’s sake, without any real knowledge. In any other area, that’s called prejudice and ignorance. Is that how you want to be seen?

You’re drawing more attention to Twilight than necessary.

Being the terrible story that Twilight is, it should not be getting the revenue that it is. Even the tween/teen girl demographic alone couldn’t support Twilight in this way.

A lot of the people who went and saw Twilight are people who heard the Twilight hate and thought “Is this really that bad? I want to see if all the things people are saying are true” and went to see it. People who wouldn’t have otherwise even thought about Twilight are now contributing to its success. Thanks a lot, guys.

You have taken all the humor out of a very funny situation.

Remember in #2 when I said that these Twilight jokes are just caricatures of caricatures? Well, those aren’t really that funny. But when Twilight first came on the scene, there were some very funny jokes that were made at its expense. They were funny whether or not you had seen it.

But now, it has devolved into a whole lot of stupid catchphrases. One that is floating around the Internet now is “Still a better love story than Twilight,” often accompanied by a picture of another love story, like the old couple from UP. But this isn’t funny. It’s being compared to stories which would be better than Twilight even if Twilight was a good story.

I liked the funny Twilight jokes. Why did you take those away?

I’m not saying that hating Twilight is bad, but these four reasons are why I think that the excessive-anti-Twilight jokes have got to stop. For the sake of the rest of us. ***DISCLAIMER: I haven’t actually read or seen Twilight, so I don’t actually have an opinion of the books or movies. This is just an outside observer’s opinion. This is not an argument for or against Twilight.***

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The New Year and the End of the World: By Camron Cluff

Well, it’s 2012, and you know what that means. Come mid-December, the world is going to end. You can’t avoid it; the Mayans have doomed us all. Enjoy the year, because it’ll be our last.

On the downside, we all die. On the upside, the universe was nice enough to wait until after the last Batman movie comes out to collapse; I guess it’s just as excited as we are (I mean, who’s not excited after that last trailer?).

Whether or not you believe in the 2012 Apocalypse, you have to admit, it has sparked a lot of creativity in the predictions of the end of the world and how exactly that will happen. Whether it’s fireballs from space, massive earthquakes, floods, ice ages, or, according to the movie 2012, all of the above, it’s pretty entertaining.

But I have a personal favorite humanity-destroying disaster, one which I feel is the most creative and original. It follows this line of reasoning:

The bird flu happened during the Chinese year of the chicken.

The swine flu happened during the Chinese year of the pig.

2012 is the Chinese year of the dragon. Therefore: Dragon flu.

There you have it. The world will end in 2012 because of dragon flu. How awesome does that sound? I think I could put up with whatever horrible side effects come with the disease just so I could put on my tombstone “He died of dragon flu.”

So have a happy new year, everybody. It’ll end with a bang, at least.