"Heart-Shaped Wreckage"
Cameron: I’m not scared to the tell the truth I’ve been to hell and back and I went with you Remind you what we were before When we said, “You are mine and I am yours"
Cameron couldn’t sit still. No matter how hard he tried, his foot would start shaking, fingers would tap, and when that didn’t help to dispel his nervous energy, he paced. Back and forth between the window and the door. When he felt calmer, he would sit down until his foot and fingers would start up again. He’d been repeating this pattern for the last hour as Kirsten sat still as a statue and watched. Without the slight rise and fall of her chest, she would have appeared dead.
When Cameron had told Kirsten about his romantic ‘indiscretion’, he had expected more - more screaming, yelling, fighting, something, but Kirsten had always defied his expectations; he didn’t know why he thought this time would be any different.
Her silence was deafening. He wanted to give her some space, give her the ability to take control of a situation that may have felt like it was out of her hands, but Cameron couldn’t handle the quiet any longer.
Sitting down across from her, he wanted to reach out and touch her. He wanted to make sure she was still sitting in front of him, not just a figment of his tormented imagination.
“Kirsten, please say something.”
She gave him a cold look, devoid of any emotion, a look he rarely found directed at himself. He couldn’t help but cringe.
“Like what?”
“Anything. What are you thinking? How are you feeling?”
Kirsten gave him a cold, amused smirk and shrugged. “You know me, I’m already over it.”
Cameron scooted closer to her with hesitance. Kirsten’s eyes continued to follow his movements. Tentatively, he placed a hand on her knee. Looking her in the eye, he said, “Kirsten.”
She removed her knee, putting what little space she could between them. Arching an eyebrow, she answered, “Yes?”
Moving back to his original position on the opposite side of the couch, he said, “That’s clearly not over it.”
Showing the first signs of emotion, Kirsten threw her hands in the air. “What, Cameron? What?! You want me to tell you how I’m feeling but I can’t because I DON’T KNOW!” She hopped up and started walking the same path he had before, door to window, door to window, hands bunched in her hair.
“Everything with you has been new and exciting and frightening. You have been so great in helping me learn and understand about all these new emotions and sensations I’ve been feeling, but this - THIS is something I never want to experience again. I feel sick. There is a pit in my stomach that is so heavy and it feels like it’s getting bigger and bigger! My throat is dry; it hurts to swallow. All at once, I want to cry! I want to scream! I want to scratch your eyes out for making me feel this way, but at the same time, you are the only person I want to turn to. I want you to make this feeling go away, but I don’t know if I trust you.”
An array of emotions washed over Cameron in that instant: relief that Kirsten still saw him as her anchor; guilt for making her feel this way; disgust at himself for his stupidity - for his weakness - and a burning desire to make everything right again.
Cameron wanted to - needed to - touch her, to feel her soft skin, to send shock waves of love through his fingertips. He stood and took a step toward her.
Kirsten held her hands up in front of her body as if to protect herself. “Don’t,” she said.
His already fragile heart stuttered in his chest.
They stood staring at each other. The space between them was filled with more than empty air. A trench of emotional turmoil separated them - his overwhelming guilt and her radiating pain.
“Why?” Kirsten asked.
Cameron racked his brain for an answer he’d been searching for since he’d found himself hooking up with another woman. He wasn’t drunk. He wasn’t pissed. This wasn’t some long-term flirtation turned physical. Cameron had met a girl who had bewitched him. From the moment their gazes had locked, it was as if he was under some kind of spell.
He would never forget her eyes, a deep forest green bespeckled with gold flecks. When she turned her head, they appeared to change colors. Ringed in a deep black, they gave her a mystical look.
Cameron scowled at himself. His actions were despicable. It wasn’t just that he’d had sex with someone else, but it was his lack of restraint. In his mental eye, he replayed the scene. He had followed the woman - whose name he didn’t even know - like a puppy after a bone.
He remembered being led to the back of the bar he’d met her in into some skeezy utility closet, as if pulled by some invisible thread. Mops and buckets full of dirty water and cleaning materials had to be shoved aside to make room for their bodies. The smell of chemicals burned his nose. The lightbulb buzzed and flickered like something out of a horror movie.
And when the kissing started, it was foreign. Instead of soft and tender, this stranger was rough and wild, biting his lips, nails digging into his flesh. Where Kirsten was dry skin and angles, this woman had been succulent and curvy, body reminiscent of an hour glass.
Clothes were readjusted, her skirt hiked up and tucked in quickly and meticulously like she’d done it multiple times before. Her hands were unbuttoning his shirt and unfastening his belt; her eyes appraising his body as she went, apparently liking what she saw.
Cameron’s arms dangled useless at his sides. “No,” sat on the tip of his tongue but never made it over the edge. Her hands ran the length of his chest, from shoulders to waist, and when her eyes snapped back up to meet his, a hunger so deep consumed him. Where it had come from, he had no idea. His hands kneaded the soft skin of her thighs as he hoisted her up, legs wrapping around his waist. Their mouths met in a battle for dominance. One of her hands stayed securely wrapped around his neck; the other finger-walked its way below the waistband of his jeans …
He sunk back down on the couch, dropping his head into his hands, he said, “I don’t know.”
“What?”
Turning his head in her direction, he said, “I don’t know.”
Crossing her arms, Kirsten gave him an incredulous look. “You don’t know? You’re not even going to try and come up with a reason or an excuse? You just don’t know?”
Cameron ran his fingers through his hair. Shaking his head, he said, “I could make up an excuse, but I don’t want to lie to you.”
“I almost wish you would,” Kirsten snapped back.
“I know. I know, but you and I agreed no more secrets, no matter how bad.”
Kirsten crossed her arms over her head. A look of helplessness played across her features. Slowly shaking her head from side to side, she said, “I don’t know what to do, Cam.”
The way her voice wavered paired with the uncertainty of her words caused Cameron physical pain. He hated this, hated everything about the situation. He hated that he knew he only had himself to blame, but he vowed at that moment to make it right by any means necessary.
He had stared death in the face before; and it wasn’t a feeling he wanted to experience again. Staring at Kirsten so defeated felt like he was on the same precipice. If he lost her, there would be no moving on.
Standing, Cameron made his way over to her. This time, she didn’t step back or shield herself from him: a small victory. Removing her hands from her head, he held them firm. Looking into her pleading eyes, he said, “There is nothing that I can say that’ll make this situation any different, that will change what I’ve done, but I love you so freaking much. I am and will forever be yours, even though it probably doesn’t feel that way to you right now.” Squeezing her hands for emphasis, Cameron continued, “Kirsten, you and I have made it through bad; we’ve made it through worse. If I had to call this anything, it’d be disaster, but if you’re willing, I think we can make it through this too. However, if you want to walk, I can’t - I won’t try and stop you.”
Kirsten: I don’t know much but I know myself And I don’t wanna love anybody else So let’s break the spell and lift the curse Remember where we fell for each other head first
Kirsten searched his eyes and found what she believed to be sincerity, and of course love, but she didn’t know if it would be enough.
She’d only been in one other serious relationship, so she wasn’t sure what the rules were for situations such as these. She had long since stopped using pop culture as a reference point. Even though there was that whole circular debate about art imitating life and vice versa. With so many sources saying so many different things, it was hard to determine the validity.
Usually she would turn to Cameron. They would sit and talk for however long it took for her to understand a concept. He was always so patient and gentle with her, but now, now she felt like she was facing a familiar stranger. She knew the body, the strong arms, messy brown hair, the 72-hour beard, and the gorgeous green eyes that held secrets to a soul Kirsten apparently didn’t know as well as she thought she did.
She took in a deep breath and averted her eyes. Kirsten knew that her feelings for Cameron would remain largely unchanged. Four years of loving someone didn’t just disappear in an instant, temporal dysplasia or not. She couldn’t imagine ever wanting anyone other than him, and she knew it would be too easy to just walk away.
Releasing her breath, she sighed deeply. Meeting his waiting gaze, she said, “What do we do?”
Mimicking her, Cameron released an equally heavy breath, his clearly one of relief. “We sit and we talk. We try to come to some kind of resolution.”
Kirsten felt herself nod as Cameron pulled her back over the couch. Her movements felt muted; the air around her had a hazy glow, but when she sat down and rubbed her eyes, she realized it was just her. She was beginning to cry.
The look on Cameron’s face was of sadness and distress. It was the same expression he wore right after he’d stopped his heart. Kirsten had held him in her arms as he whispered, “I need to keep you safe,” literally dying to earn her trust.
That event started it all - their journey into more than friends.
Even with her inability to feel time, those had been the longest few minutes of her life. Watching as Ayo shocked his heart and the heart monitor continued to flatline, the emotions running through her body were overwhelming, but the one most prominent was fear. Kirsten was scared, scared he wouldn’t wake up, and if he didn’t, it would have been her fault. All because she was too stubborn to admit that he had earned her trust almost from the beginning.
It was in those moments, as Ayo tried to resuscitate Cameron over and over and over again, that Kirsten realized how much she relied on, needed, and cared for Cameron. Losing him wouldn’t have been something she would’ve been able to just bounce back from. His absence would have left an irrevocable hole in her heart.
But one final shock brought Cameron back, the beeps of the heart monitor the most beautiful sounds Kirsten had ever heard. A wave of relief washed over her. Her breathing, which had been coming in shallow gulps, evened out, but her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. She tried clasping them together and holding on to herself, but the only solace she found was when she placed her hands over Cameron’s heart and felt his steady heartbeat.
The rhythmic beat of his heart continued to be Kirsten’s main source of comfort. When she felt erratic or overwhelmed or just wanted to relax, she would curl up next to Cameron and press her ear to his chest. It was something she did so often, her body’s muscle memory was currently pushing her forward; her brain was holding her back.
Kirsten was aware of his eyes on her, waiting for her to speak, but she, ironically, still needed time to think. She gave him a small smile to let him know she was still with him.
Everyone thought it was the stitch that helped Kirsten realize her feelings for Cameron, but it wasn’t. Feeling his love for her, knowing that she could have lost him brought into perspective how much her well-being relied on his, but she had been too overwhelmed in those moments and the days after to feel anything definite or concrete. However, a few months later, she had been struggling with their case at the time. Not wanting to feel like a burden, she tried handling the residual emotion on her own. Finding herself unable to sleep, as usual, she made her way to Cameron’s apartment. She was about to knock when she noticed a note taped to the door with her name on it. In Cameron’s neat print, it readStretch, I’ve got an early morning. Please don’t wake me up. Key’s under the mat. Nutella’s in the cabinet above the stove & I bought a new carton of milk just for you. You don’t even have to use a cup. The DVD player is preloaded with Sleeping Beauty and your side of the bed is ready when you are. - C
Without her having said anything, he just knew, and so did she: She knew that she loved Cameron.
It was the series of little moments like that that made her love him all the more. When he would call just as she was typing his number into her phone. Bringing her exactly what she wanted for dinner without having to ask. In the early days of their friendship when he would take the couch and give her his bed. Taking midnight drives through the city so she could clear her head. Reading to her until she fell asleep with her head in his lap …
He was so giving, so attentive and attuned to her everything while she was … well, her.
But Cameron knew about her temporal dysplasia before anything romantic had occurred between them. They’d been dating for years. Maybe it had finally gotten to be too much?
With her previous relationship, she didn’t have to worry about the little things that made her different on a daily basis because Liam wasn’t around. He thought her differences and faults were cute quirks and eccentricities, but Cameron saw her every day, had to work with her every day. Maybe her constant mood swings and need to always prove a point was something he could no longer handle, something he no longer found appealing.
Turning to Cameron, she asked, “Was it me?”
He scrunched his eyes in confusion, eyebrows knitting. “Was what you?”
“The reason you slept with that woman. Was I the reason?”
Shaking his head, Cameron looked bewildered. He asked, “Why would you ever think that?”
Kirsten shrugged. “How could I not? Everything happens for a reason. You said you don’t know why you did it, but if you’re just saying that to spare my feelings, you can tell me the truth. Because I know I can be rough around the edges and all around, and I know - ”
Interrupting her, he said, “No, no. Absolutely not. It’s not you. Had nothing to do with you or our relationship.”
“Then why, Cameron?!”
He shook his head once more, “I told you: I don’t know. If you want me to spend more time reexamining my prefrontal cortex, I might be able to come up with a reason for you. If you absolutely need a reason to move on, but it’s not going to change anything.”
Kirsten could feel herself getting frustrated, but she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “It just feels like you’re avoiding the answer.”
“I just,” Cameron started. His eyes grew wide as he searched for words to say. “You ask me to tell you why, and I can’t. That’s what makes this one hundred times worse. Because if I had a reason, at least I’d be able to work on it or find some kind of solution, but instead we’re just here. No answer, no reason, just stuck at a crossroads, not sure which direction to go.”
Still having issues processing what Cameron was saying, Kirsten decided to take a logical approach. “So let’s say we are stuck at a crossroads, and each direction takes us to a different future. What are our choices?”
Taking her hands in his, he said, “Well, I think South would be no more Camsten, and I’d like to avoid that at all costs.”
Nodding, Kirsten continued, “Which would make North our salvation.”
“I guess we could mark East as taking an actual break and seeing what happens after we give each other some time and space. West would be not taking a break so to speak, but maybe taking a day or two to think about if our relationship is worth saving?”
Now that options were clearly laid out before her, Kirsten could think more clearly. She had four choices - well, three because despite all that was happening, choosing South wasn’t an option. Kirsten could think of dozens of reasons why she should stay with Cameron, but, ultimately, it was because she wanted to. She knew that if something like this were to happen again, that if Cameron were to cheat on her again, her heartache and her pain would be no one’s fault but her own, but she could live with that.
Kirsten didn’t know how she knew, but she did know that her relationship with Cameron and the love they felt for each other was something people read about in storybooks. A boy who wears his heart on his sleeve falls in love with a girl with a heart of stone, but his quick wit, geeky charm, and bold intellect cracked the stone casing around her heart, allowing her to finally feel [love] for the first time. A love like theirs only came along once in a lifetime, and they were lucky to have found each other.
Almost everything they’d experienced together since the day they had met had built a solid and sturdy foundation for their relationship to grow and be built on. Kirsten knew no relationship was perfect. There were always going to bumps and bruises along the way. Though, she never imagined they would come face-to-face with a crater, the force of impact so mighty that it cracked that very foundation, but it was only cracked, not unsalvageable. Repairing the damage was going to take time and effort, but she was confident in their ability to do so. She and Cameron had been working difficult cases since the very beginning.
Thinking back to the day they met, she vocalized her thought. Turning towards him, she said, “Do you remember when I was first recruited?”
Look at this heart-shaped wreckage What have we done? We’ve got scars from battles nobody won We can start over, better Both of us know if we just let the broken pieces Let the broken pieces go
Cameron: I can’t find you in the dark Will we get back to who we are? And I can’t fix this on my own Our love is still the best thing I’ve ever known
Cameron had been patiently waiting for Kirsten to speak, analyzing her facial expressions, trying to pick up any small detail - a furrowed brow or crinkled nose - that might reveal what she was thinking. Her face had remained stoic, so when she asked him if he remembered the day they met, it was unexpected. However, he was just glad that she’d decided to start talking again. He was hoping he’d be able to keep her going.
“Of course. The day you walked into my lab, my life changed forever. I don’t think I could ever forget. Why do you ask?”
She shrugged and said, “I mean, I don’t really know what to do or how to move forward from here, so I thought maybe the beginning would be a good place to start. Plus, we’ve never really talked about that day. It’s always just been.”
“Well,” he said, readjusting his grip on her hand, “I had, of course, been briefed on you and your temporal dysplasia. Though, learning about your condition on paper and experiencing it firsthand was … jarring, to say the least. You were a force to be reckoned with - easily one of the smartest people I’d ever met, and I realized that just moments after meeting you. Maggie had said you were brilliant, but to have someone who would go toe-to-toe with me, the way you did, was a challenge I hadn’t been presented in some time. It was refreshing - revitalizing! - to know we’d finally found the one who was going to breathe new life back into our lab and back into the program.
“And, honestly, it was a subconscious relief to know that I wasn’t going to lose my job. My mom would have loved that! I mean, you know what it’s like to put your whole heart and soul into a project only for some hitch to throw you right off course, but on top of mentally knocking me off my feet, you also helped plant them back on the ground. I was grateful in ways I didn’t know how to communicate at the time.”
He paused for a moment, ducked his head to meet her eyes and smiled. “On top of all of that, the fact that you were gorgeous beyond belief was just an added bonus.”
Kirsten smiled back at him, but he could see that her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Her expression was reinforced by her next question: “So what made you stick around? Like I said, I know that I can be rough around the edges and sometimes hard to handle. Besides that we worked together, what made you want to have more of a relationship with me?”
Cameron didn’t even have to think about his answer. She had been bringing new meaning, new purpose, new value to his life since the day they’d met. For someone who didn’t experience emotions the same way most people did, she sure knew how to amplify his, and right now he felt confused. Kirsten seemed to be reaching, searching for validation, and Cameron’s confusion quickly became understanding: She was asking him why he was still dating her.
Cameron knew he needed to pick his words carefully. He couldn’t have Kirsten second-guessing her self-worth or her inalienable right to always be loved because of his stupid mistakes, but he didn’t want his words to have the sole impact; at this point, he didn’t know if it would be enough. Cameron needed Kirsten to feel the substance of his message.
Scooting back on the couch, he gently tugged her hand and said, “Come here.”
A small “V” formed between her eyebrows, and when she didn’t follow, he lightly tossed his head and repeated, “Come here,” holding his arms open.
Kirsten let Cameron guide her body back into his embrace. Her back conformed flawlessly to his front like two pieces of a frequently-worked puzzled, her edges rounded to his grooves. If she tilted her head a little to the left, his head fit so perfectly in the hollow of her neck. He knew every nook and cranny of her body, every pockmark, every scar, every dimple, mole, and freckle. The familiar scent of her strawberry shampoo wafted into his nose. At that moment, Kirsten’s presence in his arms was everything he could have ever hoped for, and he was absolutely floored by the idea that he’d done something to put this rightness at risk.
Shaking his head free of his thoughts, he wrapped his arms around her middle and gave a slight squeeze, determined to try and bandage some of the damage he’d caused. “Is this okay?”
She nodded into his shoulder.
“You’d tell me if it wasn’t?” Another nod.
“Good, so,” he started, smiling to himself as he sifted through his memories. “To be honest, when we first met, I didn’t know what to make of you. Of course, you were the first and only person I’ve met with temporal dysplasia because of the circumstances that be, and it seemed like with the stitches and residual emotions, all the new experiences and information you were discovering had you kinda bouncing all over the place. There were a lot of things you had to figure out on your own. As much as I wanted to help - as your doctor, partner, and new friend - I understood that I needed to wait for you to come to me, and you did, when you were ready.
“And when you did, you quickly became my best friend - despite what Linus may have thought. I don’t think he has any misconceptions now, though.”
Giving her another small squeeze, Cameron continued, “I will admit that in the early stages of our friendship, you drove me a little crazy. Most people are predictable, but you were a total wildcard. I was equally amazed and mortified by your spontaneity, convinced you were going to get yourself killed but also in awe of your capability to just do. I admired that so much, especially since I was so used to playing it safe, but that was just one of the many things I admired about you. I admired your independence; I think that’s the sexiest thing any woman can be. I loved that we could and can talk about anything, how you’d sit and listen to me even when I was nerding out. One of my favorite things is how you’re always down to try whatever food I make, even after the kale tarragon smoothies. I also loved your appetite for knowledge and your demand and diligence for justice. Of course I still love all those things about you, but you asked me why I wanted more; those are just a few of the reasons. However, I didn’t just want more. I wanted everything. And,” Cameron took Kirsten’s chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned her face towards him. “I’m so thankful you eventually gave it to me.”
Cupping her cheek, Cameron pressed a tender kiss to Kirsten’s temple. Meeting her eyes, he continued, “I love how your smile is expressed with all you features. I love how when you’re really concentrating on something, you’ll scrunch your nose without realizing you’re doing it. I love that even when you’re the grumpiest grump I’ve ever seen in the mornings, I can kiss a smile onto your face. I love coming home and unwinding with you after a difficult case. How you’ll sometimes massage my scalp or take a relaxing bath with me, bubbles included.”
Cameron watched as genuine smile unfolded across Kirsten’s face, the corners of her mouth turning up to meet the corners of her eyes. He returned the smile, happy to know that he was getting through to her. Happy to know all hope wasn’t lost. Happy to see her happy, even just a little.
Feeling like he was on a roll, Cameron kept going.
“I love that you’ll slow dance with me on a Tuesday night even when there’s no music playing. I love how you always give me the crust on you pizza when you don’t eat it. I love that we have completely different tastes in music, and even after four years, I still haven’t worn you down.” Another real smile. “But mostly, my absolute favorite thing about you is that you took the time and made the effort to learn how to love me. You went against everything you’ve ever known, almost like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. Fundamentally, you’re the same Kirsten that walked into my lab fours years ago, but you’ve gained your wings. You’ve learned how to fly; you’ve learned how to love, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.”
Kirsten’s eyebrows rose. Her mouth formed a small circle as she said, “Oh.”
“I love you so much. You have no idea how much I fucking love you. I will apologize and apologize and apologize for hurting you, for ever making you doubt or question my feelings for you. Kirsten, I just … ”
Shaking her head, Kirsten scooted forward and out of Cameron’s arms. Turning so they were face-to-face, she said, “You don’t have to say anything else. I,” she stopped, looking around the room as if the words she was searching for would appear in the air. When her eyes met his again, she smiled, eyes twinkling with tears, and said, “When I asked you that question, I never imagined such an exuberant answer, and honestly, I’m not sure how to respond except to say thank you.”
She took Cameron’s hands in hers and continued, “Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me feel so loved. Thank you for always being patient with me and teaching me and … and just being the sweet, funny, amazing, caring, way too good for me guy that you have always been.”
Cameron watched as Kirsten’s eyes roamed the room again. After a moment, she closed her eyes and tightened her fingers around his. The corners of her mouth turned up in more of a grimace than a smile, and the skin bunched between her eyebrows as they drew together. The carefree expression that made Cameron think he was getting through to Kirsten had quickly disappeared, so when she said, “You were too damn good for me, Goodkin,” he was confused.
Taking her face in his hands, he said with unnerving urgency, “Kirsten, look at me. Look at me.”
When their eyes met once more, Cameron asked, “What are you trying to say?”
Kirsten took a deep breath and said, “You have always been too good to me, and I have no doubt that no one else would have ever treated me as well as you have. I love you. I love you so much, and the fact I can even say those words … I never thought I’d be able to; I never thought my life would be anything more than the emotionless cycle of my usual daily activities, so thank you. I will be forever grateful, but, Cameron, something doesn’t feel right.”
Cameron thought he felt his heart stop, but he took a deep breath in and listened for the internal rhythm in his chest. Releasing the air, his breath caught in his throat and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t realize how much he’d been relying on Kirsten to say everything was going to be okay, that they’d be able to make it through this until she said something doesn’t feel right. He’d never been much of a cryer, but he could feel the tears forming behind his eyes, so afraid of what her next words would be. He wished he could press rewind on the last couple of days or go back in time and stop himself from doing what he did because losing Kirsten wasn’t worth whatever unexplained, cheap thrill he got that night.
Dropping his hands from her face, Cameron croaked around a dry throat, “What are you trying to say?”
The tears were falling from her eyes now, like stray raindrops on a sunny day, sadness so out of place on such a beautiful face. She briefly covered her mouth with her hand, as if she almost couldn’t bear to say her next words, but then she did: “I love you so, SO much, Cameron, but I think I should stay with Camille for a couple of days. I just can’t shake the feeling that no matter how much you love me, there’s still something that made you sleep with that woman - that made you not stop.” Taking his hands in hers once again, Kirsten continued, “So please believe me when I say that I want to work this out. I want to get past this, but I think it would be best if we spent a few days apart. Okay?”
Cameron nodded.
“I’m going to go pack a bag, okay?”
Cameron could only nod, not trusting his voice. Not sure what he might say if he started to talk, if he tried to express how it felt like his heart was shattering into a million tiny pieces, dissipating through his bloodstream. Even if the pieces made their way round, he’d never truly be whole again. Even though she said she still loved him, even though she said that she was just going to spend a few days away, what if this was just the beginning of the end? What if her walking out the door was the first of many times to come?
As if she could read his mind or see the insecurities undoubtedly written across his face, Kirsten cupped his face and brought her lips to his in a tender kiss. When they parted, she rest her forehead against his and said, “Cameron Goodkin, I will always love you, no matter what,” before walking into their bedroom.
Cameron sat and stared at the blank TV screen. The sounds of Kirsten shuffling around in their room emanated throughout the apartment. Every item he could hear her drop in her suitcase or her duffel bag felt like a bullet to the heart. He didn’t know what to do. Should he fight for her? Beg her to stay and talk longer? Or should he let her go, give her whatever space she needed?
The time ticked slowly by, the colon between the numerals on the set top box flashing with each passing second, as Cameron debated on what to do until the sound of Kirsten’s boots and the suitcase rolling across the hardwood floor broke him out of whatever stupor he’d fallen into.
He looked up, their eyes met and he could see that hers were still puffy and red. He ached knowing he was responsible for so much pain. Still, she smiled, but made no move towards him.
Nodding towards the door, she said, “I’m heading out. I’ll text you when I get there, and we’ll talk more tomorrow.”
In his mind’s eye, Cameron saw himself running across the room and standing in front of the door, arms thrown wide open, begging her not to go, but his body didn’t move other than to nod, realizing he’d already made up his mind. He had to let her go.
“I love you,” she said once more, before walking out the door.
Cameron felt like he was living out his worst nightmare. As a man of science, he knew every action had an opposite and equal reaction; he knew he’d messed up badly, but his life at that moment didn’t feel real. He stared at the door, praying it would open again and that Kirsten would walk in saying she couldn’t bring herself to leave, but the minutes passed without her return. When his phone buzzed with a text from her saying she arrived at Camille’s, Cameron let out a heavy breath and finally let the tears fall.
Look at this heart-shaped wreckage What have we done? We’ve got scars from battles nobody won We can start over, better Both of us know if we just let the broken pieces Let the broken pieces go Let the broken pieces go
Wrote this almost a year ago. Just reread and proofed and yeah. Angsty af. Also working on a Camsten request. Almost finished … Had to format on my phone, so I apologize for errors and whatnot.
