Confession #8 : I wish I never met them at all
Ppl are reaching out. They want to know where I have been. The truth is it's too many of them to keep up with. The simple question "when am i gonna see you?" makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and a dull knot forms in my stomach. I don't want to be seen. I don't want to do or feel. I don't want to feel guilty for not missing any of you. I keep getting rid of the old ppl and even when i try not to meet new ppl I do and the cycle continues. How do you tell ppl you love them but you never want to see them again and it's nothing that they did. Ppl get this misconception that I must have new ppl in my life and things are going good. The absolute truth is when I am not working I am getting high and watching other's live their lives. That is it. nothing more. Even when I try to do more it doesn't last. So what am I to do? How can you make ppl understand this? How do I understand it when i am supposed to be the "normal" one?