Constance Blackwood had many things she thought she could never admit.
Like not liking being the nicest girl in town. Or losing her virginity an hour before her death to some random thirty year old man. Or how Ocean hurt her so much every day. Or how much of a coward she felt she was. Or that she actually loved her town, and her family, and maybe even herself.
But she admitted them. She seemed to come clean about everything.
But she could never come clean about how his hair looked and felt so soft, and how she would bring a brush to school knowing he won’t care about his hair being kept but still hoping he would let her style it. How she snuck little gifts into his locker, little notes under different names, knowing he needs a boost. How whenever the choir went to her family’s place to eat after a long day she would make there are his favorite stupid dinosaur nuggets and games on her PlayStation that he likes and his saves are never touched by anyone but him. How she almost learned Ukrainian for him, just so she could find he courage to tel him how she feels
How she knew she never could tell him.
She never admitted how in love she was with Mischa. Not even because she was a coward. But he had his ideal, his internet fiancée. She could never even try to ruin it for him.
He could never want her anyway.